Knowing The Difference

Going Back From Whence We Came

2012-01-16T23:16:00.001-05:00

I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the sea, except I think it's because in addition to the fact that the sea changes, and the light changes, and ships change, it's because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, our sweat, and in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch it, we are going back from whence we came.~John F. Kennedy

Today I went to the sea. The sight and sound of the water relentlessly, so effortlessly rolling on to the shore was relaxing, calming, and healing. Sitting on the beach gazing into the vastness of the water, a reminder that there is something bigger than myself out there, was exactly what I needed. I sat there for several hours watching, reading, journaling. I felt like myself again, which is a feeling that has been evading me for some time. I suppose going to the ocean is where I will go now when I need to reconnect with myself, to find peace and comfort, to remember that I am a part of something greater.

Its been hard for me to write here. I struggle with how much I want to share, how much I can share. As most of you know, once you fall out of the practice of writing daily its hard to start again. Really hard. I worry that what I write won't appeal to anyone, that if I'm not always positive people will stop reading, and so on. Today I realized, it doesn't matter. I started writing on this blog for me and somewhere along the way I lost that. Maybe a part of it is that I've been afraid to write. The truth has a way of coming out through words and parts of me are afraid to admit that everything isn't ok and that some days are really a struggle to just put one foot in front of the other.

In a way, I'm going back from whence we came. I'm working harder to find the missing pieces that make life full, to ride out the tumultuous waves of life until I find my way again to peaceful waters. I'm positive I'll be making pilgrimages back to ocean, a physical reminder that life and the world we live in are so immense. The natural ebb and flow of the waves mirrors the natural ebb and flow of life. The reminder that nothing is constant and there is great peace that comes from knowing that.

Holidays

2011-12-22T14:14:00.000-05:00

Finding my Christmas spirit has been a long process this year. (It might have something to do with the fact that its currently 80 degrees and earlier today I saw Santa wearing shorts! Temperatures that warm, three days before Christmas, is something that this Northern can't wrap her brain around.) I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to locate my holiday loving self. However, after spending the last five days watching nothing but Christmas music, listening to my favorite holiday Pandora station, waiting in line for 20 minutes at the post office to ship off presents, and packing for my trip home I’m glad to say that I’ve finally found the spirit that has been evading me.

I head home later today to spend the next week and a half with my family. There will be baking, last minute gift buying, cuddles with my dog, catching up with friends, and just really enjoying being home among my nearest and dearest.

via

I hope that you all have found a piece of the holidays to hold on to and can spend lots of time with your loved ones creating new memories and reliving old traditions.

Enjoy the season, friends!

Picking Up The Pieces

2011-12-08T07:30:00.001-05:00

When I accepted the job offer in Georgia, I was completely enamored with the idea of living among palm trees and what I imagined would be a vibrant, liberal college town experience that would be quaint and cozy. I thought I would find my niche among the academics and the small town dwellers settling in for an adventure that would last a few years before moving on to somewhere else. Perhaps because I have a tendency to be a bit of a romantic at heart, my judgement was clouded with rose colored ideals of what life in the South would offer.

Within days of arriving, my illusions came shattering down, the picturesque place I had in my head turned into harsh realities, and before I knew what had happened my adventure was turning out to be more of a nightmare. Never good at housekeeping I left those shattered, broken pieces of my Georgia dream scattered about. Gingerly tiptoeing around them, then sometimes in moments of anger and desperation, forcefully stomping and grinding them into the ground with my heel. Its been over two months and those pieces are still littering my soul and world.

In the past few weeks while finally deciding to sweep those pieces away and rid my life of what could have been once and for all, I picked up one of those shattered pieces and saw a part of myself. The hopeful, optimistic young woman who dared to dream and took a chance but somehow lost a piece of herself after that chance didn't work out the way she hoped.

After finding that piece of myself again, I know what I need to do and where I need to go. Home. Maybe not back to my small hometown along the river, but someplace that's close, comforting, and familiar. A place that will allow me to grow individually but still allow me to remain close to my family. A place where the three rivers converge and friends are close by.

I'm picking up the pieces of my shattered Georgia dream and making new ones, dreaming of finding a job in Pittsburgh, and doing everything in my power to find my way back North in time for Spring. I was built for four distinct separate seasons and snow. I need grass, not sand. I need rivers as opposed to cotton fields and people who are open minded.

Sweeping out those broken pieces to make room for new hopes and dreams has been wonderful and freeing. I've needed to get rid of those pieces and put those new dreams and intentions out into the universe. As I do, I can feel a peace settle into my soul that's been missing for far too long.

Reconnecting

2011-12-05T21:43:00.001-05:00

My trip home for Thanksgiving was absolutely wonderful. After six weeks away from those I love, it was high time to reconnect with family and friends. I cannot tell you how refreshing it felt to be around people who just understand and get me, without explanation.

Since moving to Georgia, I've done a lot of disconnecting. Some of it intentional, but some of it was completely unintentional and happened in a way I didn't expect. When I'm unhappy, I tend to disappear into myself and it becomes hard to share my true feelings, even among my most trusted circle. I've been struggling with how much and what to share and what is better left for the familiar pages of my current journal. I'm still working on it, but I really feel like I'm in a place where I can slowly start to reconnect again-- with friends and family I've pulled away from, with myriad writing, and you, my dear blogging friends, a community I would be lost without.

I am looking forward to writing more. I need to write more. I need to freely open my head and heart up to the universe to declare my intentions, to make them real and tangible, to free myself of my own albatross I've unknowingly been carrying around.

Thank you to all of you have reached out, called, emailed, etc. Your thoughts and prayers over the past few months have been more comforting than you know. Im looking forward to reconnecting with friends, myself, and perhaps most of all, you.

Now tell me, how have you been doing, friends?

Sometimes I ......

2011-11-21T10:08:00.000-05:00

It’s been a while and what better way to get back into the blogging groove with a Sometimes I…. post, right?

Sometimes I just need to spend the day in my pajamas, watching Netflix and completely zoning out to everything going on around me. I’ve been overwhelmed lately dealing with things in my personal life, sending out resumes, and still learning various aspects of a new job. Yesterday, I called a mental time out and did nothing but lay on my couch watching Brothers & Sisters. It was wonderful.

Sometimes I get really excited to go home. I fly home to Ohio (well, really, flying into Pittsburgh and driving to Ohio) to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my family. This is a much needed trip home to see my loved ones and just recharge my batteries. Moving 700 miles away from home, totaling my car, and my stepdad having a massive stroke has been hard. Really hard. I cannot wait to give my mom a hug and force my dog to cuddle with me. And of course, eat lots of delicious home cooked food for Thanksgiving with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.

Sometimes I feel guilty for being 700 miles away from home. With my stepdad’s stroke, the lives of my mom and even to a degree my brother and other family members have been changed drastically. Being so far away means that while I worry and feel alienated at times, my life has gone on in a very normal fashion. I’m not sure if its good or bad to be so far from everything that’s going on.

Sometimes I drive through my small Georgia town and think, if the first month or so had been different, it might be the sort of town I could actually grow to like. With Christmas decorations up, the downtown area (or square as they call it here) is almost reminiscent of Stars Hollow, very quaint and quirky. As it is, I’m over Georgia – the people, the views, etc. And once I’m over something there is no going back to the other side.

Sometimes I really miss the four distinct seasons of the Midwest. I left Ohio at the beginning of fall, leaves were just starting to turn and that fall chill was just beginning to seep into the mornings. When I moved here, the temperatures were still in the high 80’s and 90’s so it was a shock to my system, which has never experienced 80 degree weather in November. Last week, there were Christmas decorations going up on the campus where I work. Considering that I was riding around with my windows down and wearing capris, this just seemed wrong.

Sometimes I really intend to update my blog more than once a week. I start the weekend thinking that I’ll be really ambitious and schedule posts. Then I get sidetracked by sending out resumes, Netflix, finding a new recipe to try, or taking a nap while it rains. Since my mini-hiatus I’ve really missed the blogging community and the past few days have had a strong desire to get back to it, full force.

Your turn! Fill in the blank. Sometimes I __________________________.

Leaping

2011-11-07T07:02:00.001-05:00

Last week marked the one month point of me starting my new job here in Georgia. While things haven't turned out the way I had hoped they would, I'm finally starting to find my way though the disappointment by learning to celebrate the fact that I had the courage to leap. Leaping into the unknown by moving to a place where I know absolutely no one was a big test of my faith. I knew it would be, but I failed to realize just how big that test would be. But I did it anyway. So many people always have a what if....and I didn't want Georgia to be my what if.

I had people in my life tell me that Georgia was too far away and that I wouldn't like it. I shook off their doubts and kept packing boxes. Even after all the disappointments and frustrations, I don't regret taking the leap. I absolutely needed to shake up my life and in the past month, well, my life certainly has been shaken. I needed to move here to prove to myself that I had the courage to do something big. I needed to step out of my comfort zone in a huge way. There's so much magic and beauty in the simple fact that I took a breath and stepped of the ledge not knowing what was going to happen.

via

I'm choosing to celebrate, That I had the courage to leap. That I had the courage to swallow my fear and head into the unknown, even if that unknown has been completely different than I imagined it to be. That I'm strong enough to not be defeated by this, instead I'm making new plans, charting a new course, working on finding a new ledge to leap off of into the beautiful vastness of life's possibilities.

Stroke

2011-10-31T22:43:00.003-05:00

There are moments and events that change the course of your life. Events that happen that cause your entire world to shift, to knock things so off kilter that you wonder if anything will ever be right again. Events that happen so quickly, you don't even recognize it as your life. But, somehow, it is. One such event happened to my family's life this weekend.

On Friday, my stepdad had a massive stroke that required him to be life flighted to Pittsburgh. There was an unsuccessful procedure to try to remove a blockage in his brain. Numerous CT scans, MRI's, and an emergency operation Sunday morning to remove part of his skull to alleviate brain swelling. There was severe damage done that may leave my stepdad paralyzed on the left side of his body.

Even typing those words they seem really foreign. I'm still having a hard time grasping and processing what happened to my stepdad, my mom, my family and comprehending that our lives changed so much in the span of a few hours. But it did. This did happen whether we asked for it or not, and now, we're left trying to go forward, navigating down a road we never imagined we would be walking down. Taking things day by day seems really daunting so I think most of us in my family are going hour by hour or minute by minute.

My family is really amazing and we've been blessed with an incredible support system in the way of family and friends who are like family who are going to help us get through this and hold us up when we're too weary to go on. We're reminding each other that sometimes battles are won simply by putting one foot in front of the other and that small victories need to be celebrated more than bigger ones.

These next few days, weeks, and months aren't going to be easy. There will be a lot more tears shed. Some days it will seem that there is no light at the end of this tunnel and we will think we simply can't go on or take one more step. But we will. Eventually there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and that one more step will be the one that gets closer to that light. We are survivors and fighters. We are a family. A unit that together is so much stronger than this circumstance.

While things may be incredibly upside down and off kilter now, this is our life and we're going to live it, to see it through until things are right side up again. We will survive this and I know, in time, we are all going to come out of this so much stronger than we were before.

Several of you have been sending up good thoughts and praying, please keep it up. My stepdad is still in intensive care and has had a bumpy road. To those of you who sent emails, tweets, text messages and called -- thank you. They meant so much to me and made me feel like I wasn't alone. I am so incredibly lucky to be a part this amazing community who provides support in ways I never thought possible.

Why I Write

2011-10-19T23:19:00.000-05:00

I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.

~Joan Didion

Writing is my way of letting go, releasing, feelings, and experiencing. I write to let my guard down, to truly feel the emotions that I need to feel, to be vulnerable baring my soul. I write to feel emotions that have no true expression, no one universal signal. To weave together words like a carefully composed symphony that alone seem chaotic and random, but together form the story of my life. Sometimes writing is almost a spiritual experience, my way to commune with myself and the something bigger than myself.

I write to remember places, people, events, encapsulated in a perfect moment of time. I write to surrender my consciousness and my soul. Writing is how I touch the inner core of myself, to fully know myself, to travel to a place within that is unreachable by any other means. Occasionally I weave words together to distract myself from the unpleasantness of life, when obstacles seem to overwhelming or large.

I write to appreciate how delicate and fragile life can be, examining both the complexities and simplicities of mere existence. I write to lose myself, to meander down the road less traveled, exploring new thoughts and ways of being.

I write to own something that is completely and totally mine in a way few people will ever understand. While we all may share the same words, the way that they are woven and braided together belong solely to me. The story and journey are mine alone to live.

Today is National Writing Day. In honor of the day, tell me, why do you write?

Living My Truth

2011-10-16T19:34:00.001-05:00

The past few weeks have been incredibly overwhelming and emotionally draining, nothing about this time has been easy. Its been challenging and trying. While I've tried putting on a brave face for a bit, its not something I can do any more. While I've been honest here on the blog, when speaking to some people, its easier to skirt over how I'm truly feeling about my current situation. Its easier to pretend than really delve into feelings.

There's no other way to say it other than that I absolutely hate things as they are right now. I know hate is a strong, harsh word, but right now, in this moment, its the appropriate word. I tried telling certain people what they wanted to hear but I can't do that any more. I need to be 100% honest, truthful with myself and with others in my life. I need to start living my truth, even if its not what other want to hear. I can't lie to make them feel better about my situation or the sorts of things I'm dealing with.

Katie sent me an amazing email that I took to heart, it was what helped me decide to start completely living my truth. Right now, I'm loathing my situation and I'm completely owning that. Its also completely empowering to me, which probably sounds entirely crazy. But for me, every time I say it out loud, its me acknowledging that this place and this job aren't right for me. Its what's propelling me forward, making me send out resumes, and forcing me to take an active role in my life to make things better and fight like hell to get an end result that I want. Its sort of like taking life by the balls and saying "you screwed me hard this time, but next time, we're doing it my way."

I know things will get better and that there have to be some like minded people here, people I will eventually find. I doubt that I will ever truly love GA and the situation I've found myself in, right now, I'm going for tolerance. I truly believe that people have to go through some dark days to fully appreciate all the good things life has to offer. Right now is one of those dark times for me. I always come out on the other side though, landing on my feet, and laughing. These times are what make me stronger and I'm under no illusion that this will be the last trying time in my life.

I have the graphic below hanging on my fridge, it was sent to me by a blog friend ages ago and its an entirely appropriate reminder now.

I'm not happy now, by any means. In this moment, I feel bitter and frustrated. I'm a big believer in acknowledging whatever feelings you're feeling, giving into them and riding them out before you can move on. I'm in the middle of that process right now, but its complicated when others have a preconceived notion of how you're supposed to be or act. I know that its hard for family and friends to hear how I truly feel, and that it leaves them feeling helpless but its just something that I have to get out in order to get on with things.

From here on out, I'm living my truth, not the truth that others think I'm supposed to be living. I'm feeling what I need to feel. I will be ok and find my happiness again, I truly believe that, but right now I need to cry and be mad.

Are there any truths you need to get out or live?

Somtimes I...

2011-10-14T00:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am so incredibly thankful for my friends. So many of you have been so incredibly kind -- offering words of support and encouragement -- about my current situation. You all are amazing and it makes me so happy to know that I have friends like you to count on.

Sometimes I really, really look forward to the weekends. Now that I'm back in the working world, sleeping in on the weekends and just lounging around are my favorites. This weekend I plan on giving myself a mani/pedi, dyeing my hair, catching up on blog reading, and watching lots of Netflix. All while in my pajamas.

Sometimes I find tv series from the 80's and 90's that I forget how much I loved, like Family Ties, Felicity, and The Wonder Years. If Boy Meets World shows up on Netflix my life will be made. I don't have cable here in Georgia. Instead I have a Roku and I'm really loving it. While I do miss shows like Parenthood and Glee, I just signed up for HuluPlus so hopefully I can catch up soon.

Sometimes I get really proud of myself for doing incredibly easy things. Like this week I drove from my duplex to work and then back again, without using the GPS. Its not all that far (six miles to be exact) but seeing as how I have no sense of direction I am considering this a a complete win.

Your turn, fill in the black! Sometimes I ___________________________________.

Catching Up

2011-10-10T06:02:00.000-05:00

A lot has gone on since my last post and I haven't been quite sure how to put it all out here. Naturally, bullet points seems like a good idea.

I left Ohio on a Thursday morning. Literally fifteen minutes away from my home, I was involved in an accident on the interstate with a tractor trailer that totaled my car. Thankfully, I walked away from the accident completely unharmed. My car, upon initial thoughts, would just need some body work, but the drivers side of the front end of the car is what took the jolt of the impact leading to some damage of the engine and transmission. Less than two hours later I was back on the road to Georgia with my grandfather, brother, and mom.

I arrived at my duplex on Friday morning and was pleasantly surprised. Its roomy, cozy, and comfortable. I had rented the apartment sight unseen and there's always a bit of trepidation in doing that. My mom quickly went to work unpacking, organizing and helping me set up. She was incredibly wonderful. Did I mention that she left her car here in Georgia so I would have a way to get around? She flew home and is using one of my brothers vehicles for the time being. My family is seriously the best.

I started a new job that after the first day I had a gut feeling I wasn't going to like. There are some aspects of the job that I'm not comfortable doing, things that I brought up in the interview and again before finally accepting the job. I was assured that it wasn't going to be an issue as its not a big aspect of the position, only to find out that it is indeed a huge aspect of the job. As in, one of the main duties.This is where my heart started to sink a bit but I still had hope that all would be ok.

The more I learned about the position I moved here for and the town I am now living in, the more I began to dislike it. The town is rural. Really, really rural and even more in the middle of no where than where I come from. So rural that even the nearest decent grocery store is 40 minutes away.

On Friday, some things happened at the office that pretty much cemented the fact that this position/town and I aren't going to be a good fit. As disheartening as that is, its also freeing in a way. Coming to that conclusion and actually voicing it out loud gave me the power to say, "Ok, so this isn't going to work, now what happens next." And then, to actually go about doing something about it.

I've decided to start sending out resumes over the weekend. I'm staying here for the time being, but only because I need a job. I will be working for a paycheck, not because I'm doing something I am passionate about.

This past week brought some harsh realities and some honest conversations with myself and others. My dislike for my current situation goes way beyond the "give it some time, you'll adjust" mentality. Short term, I will make it work, but the truth is, long term isn't even an option right now. This isn't how I wanted to feel about Georgia, not even close. At this point though, I'm more excited about the thought of leaving than I am of staying.

Now, tell me, what's been going on in your world?

Goodbyes

2011-09-28T21:38:00.000-05:00

The past few days have been full of goodbyes. There have been lunches with out of town friends, coffee dates with local friends, and farewells to family. Some of the hardest ones occurred last night or today. I said goodbye to my fourteen year old cousin no less than four times, one of us always finding an excuse to see the other one last time.

In all honestly, I'm not good at goodbyes and avoid them any time I can. I'm the person who shows up at going away parties only to slip quietly away a short time later so as to avoid the goodbye hugs and tears. Every time I say goodbye, my stomach clenches, tears sting my eyes, and I don't want to let go of whomever I'm hugging. I go straight from being teary to the ugly cry so for most of this evening my eyes have been puffy, blotchy and my nose is red.

The last few days have been emotional and hard in ways I never fathomed. Leaving is hard. I know that I'm supposed to be going to Georgia and I know its what I need to do. Right now though, I'm just reminding myself that Thanksgiving isn't that far off and I'll be home again hugging my dog before I know it.

I'm leaving my hometown tomorrow morning, if you could, please say a prayer or send good thoughts as my family and I caravan down to Georgia with a big Uhaul in tow. In addition to goodbyes, the last few days have also been filled with frustration over some other issues, the Uhaul included.

The Living Moment

2011-09-18T21:44:00.001-05:00

The living moment is everything. ~D.H. Lawrence

With the sun setting on my time here in my little valley, I've been concentrating on simply being in the moment with people rather than things, like my computer or camera. And so, my little corner of the internet has been a bit neglected.

Plans for Georgia are falling into place. I've put a deposit on a duplex that will become my landing spot for the next twelve months. I've arranged for utilities to be turned on, bought a (new to me) washer and dryer, accumulated other random pieces of furniture like end tables and tv stands. I am officially leaving Ohio on Thursday the 29th.

Packing up my life into boxes has been quite the process that leaves me wishing I was more like my Type A friends. Instead of attacking it with vigor and intensity, I'm all over the place. I am happily content to wander around dropping random things into boxes with no rhyme or reason, and I usually forget to label the boxes so unpacking will be lots of fun. I'm not a fan of packing so I haven't really made it a priority. The next few day though it absolutely will be.

I've spent lots of time these past few weeks reflecting and generally being a big ball of emotion. I'm excited to begin my new adventure but am also sad to be leaving behind my life here. I've cried driving down a road that I might not drive down again for some time. I've pulled over to admire the sun reflecting off of the river just because. I've gotten teary while talking with friends about moving on. I've lingered over little moments far longer than necessary because I didn't want the moment to end.

While I am looking forward to my up coming journey, right now, nothing is more important to me than this moment, this hour, this day. I'm living in the here and now as much as I can. I'll think more about Georgia when I get there in less than two weeks. For now I'm relishing cuddles with my dog (who is staying here in Ohio), having another conversation with my mom, and am enjoying time with friends while I can.

Review: Remember Me

2011-09-12T13:44:00.000-05:00

Remember Me by Cheryl Robinson is the story of two women, Mia and Danielle, who were close friends in their early years only to drift apart. After several years their lives are nothing like they expected them to be. Rocked by divorce and scandal these two woman's lives become intertwined once more in a way neither of them expect.

At its core, this novel is about forgiveness and reconciliation. Each woman must forgive, in order to make peace with circumstances and the future. Only through that forgiveness can they start to rebuild their friendship. Through alternating chapters between the past and present, the reader is introduced to the two main characters and their stories. As the book progresses the woman find their way back to each other and try to mend old wounds.

The story flowed smoothly but, at times, the dialogue seemed a bit clunky. This book would make a great weekend book if you're looking for something to read while curled up in a chair on a chilly fall day. I'm partial to stories about friendships and this one was no exception. Overall, I really enjoyed this book.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Summer Thoughts

2011-08-30T15:43:00.001-05:00

With summer quickly waning and an exciting new adventure on the horizon, I'm filled with thoughts of summer. This summer was different from other summers, ones where I flung myself into plans, road trips, and endless concerts. Instead this summer included quality time with my momma and other family and friends. There has been lots of deck drinking, porch sitting, and just quiet evenings at home. I've seen my friends few times but instead of concerts we spent the evenings talking long after darkness had fallen.

My fourteen year old cousin spent a lot of time with me this summer, which was really good for both of us. She's at the critical juncture of adolescence where she's becoming more of the person she wants to be and less the person other people expect her to be. Watching her grow and change has been a unique opportunity I'm glad to have had. We have grown to depend on each other for snark, a laugh, and a sounding board. This summer, she lost the last bit of her childhood innocence when she lost someone close to her very unexpectedly. We really did need each other. She continually made me laugh and reminded me that state of being unemployed was only temporary. She encouraged me, was adventurous in trying new recipes with me, and reminded me of the power of Mt. Dew.

I've savored conversations and moments with my mom whether that be dinner on the deck or just sitting watching her make jewelry. Its times like that I am going to miss the most once I move away.

I'm finally starting the packing process, but I plan on savoring this last week of summer before fall quietly slips in during the next few weeks. This weekend there will be a concert with friends, seeing another friends twin boys be baptized by their grandfather, and hopefully lots of deck drinking and porch sitting.

My writing has been sparse this summer and I've come to terms with being ok with that. This summer I've perfected the act of just being (while frantically searching for a job). I plan on spending the next month enjoying the time I have with family and friends before departing for Georgia, having lots of "lasts," and packing. Its a lot to get in but I'm up for the challenge. Thanks for sticking along with me this far, I hope you all continue following along as I start the next chapter of life.

Review: The Irresistible Henry House

2011-08-29T14:53:00.000-05:00

From the back of the book: It is the middle of the twentieth century, and in a home economics program at a prominent university, real babies are being used to teach mothering skills to young women. For a young man raised in these unlikely circumstances, finding real love and learning to trust will prove to be the work of a lifetime. In this captivating novel, bestselling author Lisa Grunwald gives us the sweeping tale of an irresistible hero and the many women who love him.

From his earliest days as a “practice baby” through his adult adventures in 1960s New York City, Disney’s Burbank studios, and the delirious world of the Beatles’ London, Henry remains handsome, charming, universally adored—and never entirely accessible to the many women he conquers but can never entirely trust.

Filled with unforgettable characters, settings, and action, The Irresistible Henry House portrays the cultural tumult of the mid-twentieth century even as it explores the inner tumult of a young man trying to transcend a damaged childhood. For it is not until Henry House comes face-to-face with the real truths of his past that he finds a chance for real love.

I really wanted to like this book but in the end it fell a bit flat for me. The writing is clear and witty but, personally, I was unable to connect with the characters. I think the premise behind the book -- following the life an orphan raised in a "practice house" -- is definitely interesting and the story itself was well written but a bit long.

Saying Yes

2011-08-22T11:00:00.001-05:00

Nearly five months ago, when I lost my job, I wasn't sure what I would be doing, what my future would hold, or where I would end up. I was scared, more than I ever willingly admitted to any one person. About a month into my unemployment, it felt right and I knew life was going to be ok. And it has been.

My time off has given me the chance to mend wounds left by my former position, a result of staying far too long after I knew it wasn't a good place anymore. This summer allowed me to do a huge stepping back from a lot of aspects of my life and a complete reassessing of nearly everything, a chance to really truly determine whats important and what isn't. Its been a unique opportunity to heal and grow. To reconnect. To get back to my roots. To spend some quality time with people who really matter.

I'm happy though that in the next six weeks, I'll be closing the unemployment chapter in my life book. Late last week, I received a phone call and a job offer that I said yes to. I had a lot of anxiety and trepidation about saying yes but I reminded myself of this quote and remembered that I promised myself I wouldn't turn down an opportunity for adventure because of fear.

So I said yes.

To a job that will take me to the next level in my career and likely open up many more doors for me in the future. To a whole new place, one that I've only visited briefly, for less than 48 hours, and where I know absolutely no one. To an adventure that is going to lead me about twelve hours away from everyone I know and love and the place I've called home my entire life. To the unknown. To being open to what the Universe has in store for me. To being afraid but leaping anyway. To starting a new chapter. To moving to Georgia.

An Intentional Making Space

2011-08-09T22:42:00.003-05:00

"It was an intentional making space - a stepping back, a letting go, believing, knowing, opening up. It was the way she wanted to live. And it was her declaring that to herself. She smiled, closed her eyes and said yes to mystery. And said yes to life." ~Terri St. Cloud

Over the past few days, this quote has become my mantra. An intentional reminder that I needed while traveling to Georgia and throughout the interview process. A part of my heart fell in love with Savannah -- brick lined streets, Spanish moss hanging from the trees, historic little squares with fountains, an absolutely breathtaking river street that runs parallel to the river complete with river boats docked along the shore. It was everything I imaged it to be and much more. The university campus was just as charming. The people were all wonderful and it was overall a fantastic experience.

I could picture myself there. As much as I thought I wanted to be in a big city, urban environment, in my heart, at my very core, I'm a small town girl and its where I'm happiest. Life there would be simple and uncomplicated, laid back, calm and peaceful.

I'm holding this quote close to my heart and reading it a few times a day. A reminder that this is exactly how I want to live my life.

Thank you so much for all your thoughts, prayers, sending of good vibes and for crossing your fingers. Knowing you all believed in me and were pulling for me helped me more than you will likely ever know.While I am waiting to see how this experience unfolds, I'll be making space in my life for new opportunities, new ideas, and new adventures.

Georgia On My Mind

2011-08-02T22:45:00.000-05:00

About a month ago I had a revelation. For a long time, I've had my sights set on Washington, DC and have been working really hard to get there. But then I had a phone interview with a university in Georgia, suddenly my world shifted, my instincts were telling me that there is something to my life story I'm meant to uncover there, and I felt an incredible peace I haven't felt about a decision in a long time.

On Thursday morning, I'm getting on a plane and heading to Georgia for two days of intense interviews with that university. I really hesitated writing about this, but the truth is, I need all the prayers and well wishes I can get. This job is something that would not only challenge and push me professionally, but its also something I would really enjoy doing.

When I received the final interview itinerary last week, I had a few solid hours of freaking out. Thankfully some wonderful friends and family swooped in to calm my nerves. One friend shared her stories, tips, and recommendations based on her own intense interview experience. Another friend (and her dad!) provided an incredible amount of information to help me prepare. My fourteen year old cousin, fresh off of watching every single episode of Make It or Break It (a teen drama about elite gymnasts) coached me through my freak out by telling me "You've got this, Mandy! You're the best! Do it!" Basically all the encouraging phrases she picked up from the show, which only made me love her even more.

I've spent several hours prepping. I've thought of different scenarios from past experiences. I've diligently researched the school, the interviewers, and the areas I'll be visiting. I've spoken with friends who's opinions I greatly trust and value. I'm more prepared than I have ever been for an interview. I'm ready to rock my two days in Georgia.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, friends! If you could say a prayer or send good thoughts, I'd really appreciate that too.

Review: Lets Take the Long Way Home

2011-08-02T10:47:00.001-05:00

From the book jacket: "It’s an old, old story: I had a friend and we shared everything, and then she died and so we shared that, too.”

So begins this gorgeous memoir by Pulitzer Prize winner Gail Caldwell, a testament to the power of friendship, a story of how an extraordinary bond between two women can illuminate the loneliest, funniest, hardest moments in life, including the final and ultimate challenge.

They met over their dogs. Both writers, Gail Caldwell and Caroline Knapp, author of Drinking: A Love Story, became best friends, talking about everything from their shared history of a struggle with alcohol, to their relationships with men and colleagues, to their love of books. They walked the woods of New England and rowed on the Charles River, and the miles they logged on land and water became a measure of the interior ground they covered. From disparate backgrounds but with striking emotional similarities, these two private, fiercely self-reliant women created an attachment more profound than either of them could ever have foreseen.

The friendship helped them define the ordinary moments of life as the ones worth cherishing. Then, several years into this remarkable connection, Knapp was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

With her signature exquisite prose, Caldwell mines the deepest levels of devotion and grief in this moving memoir about treasuring and losing a best friend. Let’s Take the Long Way Home is a celebration of life and of the transformations that come from intimate connection—and it affirms, once again, why Gail Caldwell is recognized as one of our bravest and most honest literary voices.

This book is so beautifully written it makes my soul ache. Caldwell weaves together a tale of friendship and the deep bonds that come with such a relationship in life and how they are sustained in death. The author's connection to fellow author Caroline Knapp, the two bonded over writing, their past physical and emotional struggles, their love of dogs, and their competitive spirit. The two became lifelong friends, who were as close as sisters, each playing an incredibly vital role in the other's life. They shared life's joys and sorrows together, until Knapp's grim terminal cancer diagnosis.

After Knapp's passing, Caldwell struggles with grief and how to continue living while missing one of the most important people in her life.

This book is an elegantly written memoir that reminds those who read the novel of the friendships that make our lives beautiful and the gift those friends bring to our life's journey. Upon completion of Let's Take the Long Way Home, I was immediately inspired to reach out to my friends and tell them how much I appreciate them. I absolutely loved this book. If you've ever experienced the incredibly close bond of friendship, I think you would really enjoy reading it as well.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Beautiful Life

2011-07-21T23:03:00.001-05:00

Last weekend, family friends lost their twenty-three year old daughter to a cause that is still currently unknown. On Wednesday evening, I stood in a long line at the funeral home to hug her family and offer words that seem woefully inadequate to the pain they are feeling. On Thursday morning, I had the chubby fingers of a beautiful nine month old baby wrapped around my hand, tears slipping quietly down my cheeks as she laughed and bounced up and down; blissfully unaware, that at the same time, her mother was being laid to rest. My heart hurts beyond measure for this family--for the parents who lost a daughter, for a little girl who won't remember her mother.

I live a beautiful life and I don't acknowledge that nearly enough. Just waking up in the morning is truly a gift. After the events of this past week, I need to make a much more conscious effort to thank my lucky stars for the life I'm living because at any given moment it could end.

Make your days count, friends, and be thankful for each and every day. We only get this opportunity once.

Porch Sitting

2011-07-20T13:55:00.001-05:00

Summer nights of my childhood and teen years often involved porch sitting. Sitting on the porch of my great grandma's big white rambling house visiting with her, drinking an icee from the convenience store up the street. The memory of the rough, scratchy outdoor carpet on my grandparents porch under a starry sky, where I sat cross legged listening to my grandpap tell stories from his childhood when he roamed the same hills visible from his front porch. Loafing in a lawn chair, my feet propped up on concrete ledge of a friends front porch watching cars pass by, discussing the weeks latest crush and who was going out with whom. Spending half the night in that same position because the night air was cooler than the humid house and the porch afforded us some privacy from her siblings.

via

In this hectic day and age, I feel like porch sitting is a bit of a lost art. There is so much rushing back and forth, to and fro, that people rarely take time to sit and savor the day. Not only is it a great way to unwind and relax, but its also an amazing way to acknowledge and appreciate the beauty of the day passing on to the next phase of time. Hanging out on the porch is a great way to connect--with friends catching up, with family to find out how their day went, or calling a random hello to a passerby.

I'm not sure if its a small town way of life or not, but I hope that at some point this summer, you can all enjoy a simple evening watching life unfold from the comfort of a friendly porch. There's nothing like it, I promise.

Review: Wishing for Snow

2011-07-18T15:45:00.000-05:00

From the back of the book: For novelist Minrose Gwin, growing up was a time of chaos and uncertainty, the result of being raised by a parent with a serious mental illness. Life with poet Erin Taylor was unpredictable at best and painful at the worst times, as she spiraled ever deeper into psychosis until her eventual death from cancer. But reading her mother’s childhood diary as an adult, Minrose encountered a very different Erin Taylor Clayton Pitner. Her late mother’s words, written in the 1930s, revealed a cheerful, perceptive young girl growing up in rural Mississippi who wished for snow that “usually didn’t come”—a girl with a bright view of the future as she progressed from college student to young mother to published poet, only to have an unbearable darkness close in around her, cruelly suffocating her hopes and dreams.

In her poignant and extraordinary memoir Wishing for Snow, Minrose Gwin sets out to rediscover her mother in the poems, letters, newspaper clippings, and quixotic lists that Erin left behind after her death. The result is an unforgettable true story of a Southern family and the tragic figure at its center—and a loving daughter’s determination to find the mother she never knew.

In this memoir, Gwin sets out to discover the person her mother was. While shifting through her mother's diaries, poems, and other writings left behind by the elusive Erin, the author is able to piece together the story of her mother's life. This novel is a haunting look at mental illness.

Personally, the story flowed better after getting past the first few chapters which heavily relied on family history. I enjoyed reading the little snippets of Gwin's mother's life, which resulted in a memorable story.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Summer

2011-07-15T14:13:00.001-05:00

Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world.

~Ada Louise Huxtable

via

I don't mean to neglect my little space here on the internet, but lately, that's what seems to be happening. I have so, so much I want to tell you but for various reasons I'm not able to share yet and that makes it hard to write. So instead, I let the summer days pass like the wind through a wheat field -- carefree, easily, gently rolling by.

I've been spending my days simply, in a very uncomplicated manner. Languishing over morning coffee longer than I usually do. Dozing off and on outside in the hot, sticky heat of the day. Enjoying cooler evenings on the deck, talking and laughing with friends or family, and partaking in an occasional card game like Uno.

Summer breathes new life into my small town along the river and I'm savoring every second, making the small things count far more than the bigger ones.

Babies

2011-07-12T12:38:00.001-05:00

I've discussed my fear of babies before. When you combine that with the fact that I know absolutely nothing about birthing babies, some have a tendency to think my internal biological clock was likely never working properly in the first place. I am 100% ok with that. I'm at an age where several of my friends (mostly those who are far away) are starting families or have tiny tots, which means I've had the honor of telling my friends that their wee one is adorable and precious over Facebook or text message, while occasionally dropping by to pinch a cheek before more than likely settling in to play with their dog.

Generally speaking my friends know that I'm not a baby person. They know I don't deal well with squiggly, screaming little ones; that I refuse to change any sort of diapers, and that I will not under any circumstance watch their child until he or she is old enough to use the bathroom unassisted. I'm just naturally more comfortable with children who can physically tell me what they want and take care of their own personal needs.

Its been established that I would be the sort of auntie who will teach the children the sort of things their parents don't want them to know but are vital to grade school and middle school existence. Crude and funny things like how to make farting noises with their armpits, the importance of a well timed "yo' mamma" joke, and that their faces will most certainly not freeze if they smoosh them up a just cleaned door window. I'm the one who will feed them things their parents won't let them eat or drink and teach them the fine art of mixing pop rocks and soda in one mouthful. I'll introduce them to music their parents deem unfit and tell them stories about their parents younger days that their parents will probably deny or claim to have forgotten. I'll teach them how to blow bubbles out of thick pink bazooka chewing gum and how to skip stones on the river.

My position on babies and children was clearly defined. Then, about 9 months ago, one of my closest longtime childhood friends found out she was expecting. A few months later, she found out she was carrying twins. A week and a half ago, she and her husband welcomed two tiny (or not so tiny for twins, one was almost 6 lbs and the other over 7 lbs) squiggly little baby boys.

In the days that followed their birth, I sort of tiptoed around the boys. While I paid attention to them occasionally stopping to marvel over how perfect they are or hold one of their tiny little hands, I was more concerned about how my friend, their mother, was doing. Yesterday, I stopped by their house with the intent on checking in to see how they were doing. Two screaming kidlets, one tired, frazzled mother later, I quickly found myself with a baby and bottle in hand. With absolutely no idea of what to do, I shoved the bottle in his little mouth and begged him to stop crying. I may have also promised him a pony for his third birthday. Over the next few hours I realized that maybe babies aren't so scary after all. Apparently these two little twin boys and I are going to learn a lot from each other in the up coming weeks and months. I still don't plan on changing any diapers though.

Sometimes I...

2011-07-08T07:00:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I wish I had a British accent, some words just sound better.

Sometimes I spend hours watching teen dramas on Netflix with my teenage cousin, we started Make It or Break It and its highly addictive. I recommend proceeding with caution.

Sometimes I need to shut off the internet, turn off my phone, and walk away from all things technological. I am by no means constantly plugged in all the time (FYI, I still keep it old school with a Motorola Razr, that's right, just like your grandma's) but sometimes its just too much.

Sometimes I am really bad at waiting and patience. I spent most of this week waiting for a phone call. One that hasn't come yet but I did get an amazing email that made the week of waiting all that better.

Sometimes I drag things out. Really boring tasks that I deem unworthy of my time, like cleaning. Hard core, purging cleaning. I loathe that task and will do just about anything to avoid it. I broke down this week, started tackling it head on, and it felt good. I plan on doing more this weekend or maybe next.

Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am in the friend department. During my unemployment and subsequent interview process, my friends have been amazing and so supportive. I really can't thank them enough.

Sometimes I drink far more coffee than I should, but this summer have become addicted to making my own frappuccino's or other blended coffee drinks. They are the perfect beverage to sip while enjoying the early morning hours sitting on the deck.

Your turn, fill in the blank. Sometimes I __________________________________.

Review: French Lessons

2011-07-07T21:46:00.000-05:00

Overview: A single day in Paris changes the lives of three Americans as they each set off to explore the city with a French tutor, learning about language, love, and loss as their lives intersect in surprising ways. Josie, Riley, and Jeremy have come to the City of Light for different reasons: Josie, a young high school teacher, arrives in hopes of healing a broken heart. Riley, a spirited but lonely expat housewife, struggles to feel connected to her husband and her new country. And Jeremy, the reserved husband of a renowned actress, is accompanying his wife on a film shoot, yet he feels distant from her world. As they meet with their tutors—Josie with Nico, a sensitive poet; Riley with Phillippe, a shameless flirt; and Jeremy with the consummately beautiful Chantal—each succumbs to unexpected passion and unpredictable adventures. Yet as they traverse Paris’s grand boulevards and intimate, winding streets, they uncover surprising secrets about one another—and come to understand long-buried truths about themselves.

I read this book in one sitting and was immediately swept away to Paris where I quickly devoured this story of three Americans as their lives and stories unfolded over the course of a day in Paris. The book reveals the secret thoughts and pasts of the Americans. Without giving away each of the story lines, the lives of the students and tutors parallel each other in unexpected ways, each searching for something. Fair warning though, there are some adult themes in the novel.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Revelation

2011-07-05T08:44:00.003-05:00

I spent the long weekend with family and friends, relaxing, cooking out, and exploring a whole world of "what ifs" over and over in my head. I haven't shared much in the past few weeks about my job search other than the fact that I had an interview in DC a few weeks ago. What I didn't tell you was that I also had a telephone interview with a university in Georgia. A single phone call that blindsided me, tipping my world and left me with a feeling that I can't quite describe.

When I pictured my life in the near future, I saw it unfolding in DC, in the shadow of the Washington Monument, the National Mall as my playground among the other monuments. Going back to Washington, DC has been my goal, what I've worked for and focused on for a really long time. And now, when it seems to be on the verge on actually happening.....I don't want it anymore.

via

You see, after that phone call from Georgia, I felt an amazing sense of peace and hopefulness, a calmness I haven't had for a long time. I could immediately picture myself there, long term. I had a feeling, one that seemed to be emanating from the pit of my stomach, making a life in Georgia just seem so right. Its been all I've been able to think about and suddenly, its all that I want.

It doesn't make sense to me and I'm sure I'm not being articulate enough to share the depth of those thoughts properly. Nothing about this feeling makes sense, I'm supposed to want to go DC. I have family there and would be moving into an amazing network of friends and acquaintances. Its only five hours away from my hometown, making visits home fairly easy. I only know a few people in Georgia and its twice as far away from home. I've tried to shake this feeling, to lose this strong instinct, but I can't. I know there is something to my life story, my life book, that I'm supposed to uncover and live out there.

Its amazing, astonishing, and sometimes downright frustrating how quickly my world shifted. I no longer feel like DC is the place that I'm supposed to be and if I do end up there soon, it will only be temporary. A stop on the way to what my heart really desires, a layover on my life journey. When I was mulling these new thoughts over with some close friends and family, they told me they had a feeling about me and Georgia too, that while I might go to DC and love it, they don't see me there long term. I can't tell you how surprised and confused I am by all these feelings, but I know I have to follow my gut and my heart, so that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Edited: I haven't received an offer from either location, I wouldn't turn down a job offer from DC but now my bigger goal is to get myself to Georgia.

Review: War &Watermelon

2011-06-29T15:42:00.001-05:00

From the book: It's the summer of 1969. We've just landed on the moon, the Vietnam War is heating up, the Mets are beginning their famous World Series run, and Woodstock is rocking upstate New York. Down in New Jersey, twelve-year-old Brody is mostly concerned with the top ten hits on the radio and how much playing time he'll get on the football team. But when he goes along for the ride to Woodstock with his older brother and sees the mass of humanity there, he starts to wake up to the world around him-a world that could take away the brother he loves.

This young adult novel from Rich Wallace follows the life of a teenage Brody through the summer before middle school. While dealing with usual teenage circumstances like girls and football, Brody must also deal with the looming prospect of his nearly eighteen year old brother being drafted. Through a series of events from Woodstock to his brothers arrest for protesting, Brody starts to understand the political turmoil that surrounds him.

A quick read that I enjoyed though probably better suited for teenage boys, this was a great summer book that gave me a better understanding of life in the 60's.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Review: The Ghost of Greenwich Village

2011-06-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

From the back of the book: For Eve Weldon, moving to Greenwich Village is a dream come true. She’s following in the bohemian footsteps of her mother, who lived there during the early sixties among a lively community of Beat artists and writers. But when Eve arrives, the only scribe she meets is a grumpy ghost named Donald, and the only writing she manages to do is for chirpy segments on a morning news program, Smell the Coffee. The hypercompetitive network environment is a far cry from the genial camaraderie of her mother’s literary scene, and Eve begins to wonder if the world she sought has faded from existence. But as she struggles to balance her new job, demands from Donald to help him complete his life’s work, a budding friendship with a legendary fashion designer, and a search for clues to her mother’s past, Eve begins to realize that community comes in many forms—and that the true magic of the Village is very much alive, though it may reveal itself in surprising ways.

Every once in a great while I find a book that really speaks to me at the time I need it and this is one such novel. The main character, Eve, leaves the confines of her safe life in Ohio to move to Greenwich Village, a place that was incredibly special to her deceased mother. Upon arriving in the village, Eve finds that the romanticized community of the 60's is no longer, leaving her a bit disillusioned. Through various sets of circumstances she is forced to find her own community which involve the ghost in her apartment -- a former Beatnik writer, a lady who runs a thrift shop, and an eccentric old designer.

Throughout the entirety of the novel, Eve is not only confronted by the ghost living in her apartment, but also by the ghosts of her past -- that of her mother, her small town life, and old friends who aren't true friends.

This novel is about Eve confronting her past, chasing down her destiny and finding her most authentic self.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Everything That Matters

2011-06-27T21:09:00.003-05:00

Last weekend, after a family dinner, I had a pretty poignant conversation with my sixteen year old cousin. She's at the stage in her life where she's starting to seriously consider and weigh her college options. She shared that she's really hesitant to go out of state, away from home, family and friends.

I can completely relate to her feelings. I've been battling the same feelings but I know that leaving is something that I have to do and that she will eventually have to do, in her own time. I told her to go, dream, and explore. That friends would change, that priorities would shift and that she needed to go forge her own path in the big wide world.

via

I told her to look around the table, at our family that surrounded us laughing, bickering, playing with the dogs, and just being together. Everyone who truly matters was around that table. I tried to get her to understand that no matter where she goes in life, the family wold have her back and always be there for her, regardless of where she travles.

I'm not sure she "got it" but it served as a very purposeful reminder that I need to take my own advice. That where ever I land, my family will always be here and I'll always carry a part of them with me. We owe it to ourselves to spread our wings, soar to new heights, and dream big dreams. There will always be family dinners to come home to and long talks to have on the deck. We're already carrying everything that matters within our hearts.

Review: The Blue Light Project: A Novel

2011-06-26T20:00:00.000-05:00

The Blue Light Project: A Novel by Timothy Taylor

From the back cover: Spanning a four-day hostage situation in the not-too-distant future, the Blue Light Project looks on as a city unravels and three lives intersect in unlikely ways.

When an armed man seizes a television studio in the center of town, Thom Peg, a former investigative journalist turned tabloid reporter, is as surprised as anyone to learn that he is the only person to whom the hostage taker will speak, bringing him inside the studio and in contact with the frightening truth.

From outside meanwhile, the drama of the entralled and horrified city is revealed through the eyes of two very different people thrown together by the crisis. Eve is an Olympic gold medalist and local hero. Rabbis is a renegade street artist who has just completed a massive and mysterious installation on the tops of hundreds of buildings throughout the city.

In all honestly, this book wasn't for me. Its a very modern novel with a clear lack of cohesiveness. The book is less of a novel and more of a modern day study of today's society and its effect on media and art. I felt the book jumped around quickly and failed to grab my attention at any point in the novel. While its billed as a thriller, I wouldn't necessarily classify it as such. The relationship between the three main characters is chaotic and at times completely unrelated. I struggled to keep up with the author's changing course and story lines. The Blue Light Project is definitely the sort of novel you have to be in a certain mindset to read, which clearly I wasn't.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

The District

2011-06-22T16:58:00.001-05:00

Earlier this afternoon I had an interview in DC with an organization that is a small nonprofit and I think it would be a really great fit with my background, a good position to sort of start out with if I were to move here permanently. I would be doing the sorts of things I am interested in doing and the company is small enough that I wouldn't be dealing with a lot of the corporate crap I did in a previous job. The people from the organization I spoke with seemed really positive about the interview, so now the waiting game begins...the waiting to hope that they call soon, the waiting that they offer me what I want, etc.

As I was driving to my interview, off to one side of the car the Washington Monument rose majestically over the tree tops against the backdrop of a blue cloudy sky. Regardless of what vantage point I view the monument from, it always momentarily takes my breath away. This time I may have had goosebumps thinking that possibly soon, I could be seeing it on a pretty regular basis. I've made no secret of my desire to leave my small town, but the aspect that I've been less forthcoming about is how positively scared I am about actually doing it. In my heart I know its time to shake things up, to be bold, to say "yes" to life. Seeing views like the Washington Monument though, would definitely help.

via

Tonight though, I am going to enjoy a glass (or two or three) of wine on the back deck with my family. I'm going to visit with one of my closest friends and her husband. I'm going to enjoy the evening knowing that I did the best I could possibly do at my interview and know that the outcome is out of my control. I am simply going to enjoy and relax.

Thanks you all so much for the encouraging words and text messages! You have no idea how much they all meant.

Honesty

2011-06-15T13:48:00.001-05:00

"If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to." ~ Proverb

I believe in honesty. Its something that I strive for here on my blog when I'm sharing my thoughts and feelings. Its something I live by with my family and friends. Over the years, I've learned that the people's opinions I value and trust the most are those who have been honest with me, telling me the truth instead of what they thought I wanted to hear.

I was recently approached by someone in my life who directly asked me some questions. When confronted, I gave this person honestly. It was hard for them to hear the answers and I know my answers weren't what they were looking for. I've been tap dancing around certain subjects with this person for a while now, not wanting to intentionally hurt their feelings but also not wanting to lie to them, not wanting to be the proverbial bad guy.

I'm still at odds and a bit conflicted over the whole conversation. I'm sure feelings were hurt. I know there were tears. Along my journey I've learned that if you're not ready to hear the honest answers, you probably shouldn't ask the questions.

What do you do when confronted with questions others ask? Are you brutally honest or do you sugarcoat the truth to keep the peace? When it comes to asking the questions, which do you prefer?

Pictures

2011-06-13T09:25:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend one of my closest friends from college added an album called "College Memories" to her Facebook albums, then proceeded to fill it with silly, awkward, and downright embarrassing pictures that brought back some great memories. Thankfully, she made the album private and viewable only to those of us actually in the pictures who had lived those fun times.

via

There were pictures of us dressed up wearing feather boas to the local dive bar because we had lost a dare, us on campus well after midnight fooling around on the quad, midnight runs to the local all night restaurant in our pajamas during exam week to share dessert. Pictures of a keg party at someones house where we were all gathered on the front porch. We were all smiling and happy. Together.

Looking through those pictures took me back to my college days and the times my friends and I shared. What struck me about those pictures though was how young we looked. We were all just kids. Kids who thought we had life figured out and knew how to conquer every obstacle that dared to stand in our way. We had a naive confidence and a complete false sense of reality. We had no idea what life would have in store for us, the various roads we would travel to different destinations.

What those times together did give us, though, was each other. These amazing friendships that sustain us, binding us together over time. Giving us each other to lean on when times get hard, to celebrate with when things go right, and to have each other to hold on to during those in between times. People who hold a shared past with us while wanting nothing best for our future. We've gone from being naive kids to adults who now realize how very little they really knew. And while the college pictures are fun to reminisce about, its my tried and true friendships with those people that make me smile.

Did you find some incredibly friendships in college that have sustained you over the years?

Safe Place

2011-06-08T01:01:00.000-05:00

via

My friends are the people who constantly inspire and challenge me; they are also my safe place. That place I can go to when I need my spirit restored, when I need someone who understands without explanation, when I need someone to tell me its all going to be okay.

When I ran away last week, I ran to my friend. Someone who has known me for the past ten years. She is someone who allows me to be me, accepts me completely with all my faults, and never hesitates to open her door when I show up unannounced on her doorstep. Over the years we've shared heartaches, joys, sorrows, long seemingly endless summer days, ridiculous drunken nights we wouldn't remember without our cameras, to more adult matters like career changes, her wedding, real life dreams-- our lives are tightly woven together with an unbreakable thread binding us together.

Most of my friends and I are incredibly different, but each one plays a vital role in my life, and each one is a bit of a safe haven for me, for a multitude of reasons. Each one a part of me, representing various aspects of my soul, etched into a part of my heart. Giving me the freedom to be myself.

Run Away

2011-06-02T15:46:00.001-05:00

via

Occasionally the streets in my small town are a little bit too narrow, the walls of the house a little bit too close together, and the overwhelming desire to run away is a bit too strong. Sometimes the stillness of small town life is too much and I find myself craving the noise and rhythm of a big city. If for no other reason than to drown out the noise in my head and discontentment that's heavily settled into my heart the past few days. So, today, I'm hitting the open road. Hoping the drive into the sunset will clear my head. Heading to the big city. Temporarily running away for a few days.

Long Holiday Weekend

2011-05-31T23:37:00.068-05:00

I took a slight break from job hunting and writing this long holiday weekend to spend some extra time with my family and friends. Summer finally showed up here in the Midwest in full force with the sort of heat and humidity that physically clings to you, the kind that can only be relieved by a cold mid-afternoon shower or biting into a fresh strawberry or bite of watermelon.

The weekend involved long talks in the car with my mom while we spent an entire day having a fun girls day. And cheering on my grandpap as he completed a half marathon, his 17th annual race, which he completed in just over three hours. Not too shabby for a 74 year old who in the past two years had two knee replacement surgeries and received a pacemaker at the end of November.

The long weekend contained visiting with old friends, deck drinking, and one glorious afternoon nap. There was enjoying time with family, barbequing, talking as the sun waned. There were realizations that sometimes having a shared history and stories from childhood aren't enough of a reason to pretend that the friendship can last into adulthood and knowing thats ok. Some realizations that regardless of how far I think I've come, I still have a long way to go. The weekend was about slowing down, reconnecting, and reflecting.

How did you spend your long holiday weekend?

Review: A Game of Character

2011-05-30T23:33:00.000-05:00

(From the back of the book.) Growing up in the modest Robinson household on the Southside of Chicago, Craig and his little sister, Michelle, were taught the values of education and hard work, and the importance of reaching far beyond what even seemed possible. These lessons of character were fundamental in shaping Craig Robinson's own remarkable journey: from his days playing street basketball while excelling academically, choosing to attend Princeton University despite the lack of a scholarship program, to giving up a lucrative business career in finance to do what he loves, coaching kids in basketball and life. He has helped transform three struggling teams -- at Northwestern, at Brown, and now at Oregon State University. In A Game of Character, Robinson shares moving stories from his childhood and coaching career that illustrate the importance of living your life with conviction, learning the game and not just the position, harnessing energy and seizing momentum, and more of the winning of rules of conduct that are part of his playbook for success.

I had mixed feelings about this book. On one hand, I really enjoyed reading childhood stories and anecdotes of Mr. Robinson and his sister, First Lady, Michelle Obama. The foundations and values learned in their childhood contributed in an immense way to their success as adults. On the other hand, Robinson uses his love of basketball, which is both is passion and career, to emphasize some of the main points in his book. I'm in no way a basketball oriented person so I feel as if I didn't appreciate those metaphors as much as the author probably intended.

Its definitely a heartfelt read in which Robinson lays out his philosophy on life and love.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Ballons in the Sky

2011-05-25T10:42:00.001-05:00

Yesterday morning, against the backdrop of a gray overcast sky, a bunch of balloons drifted into my line of vision. Just ordinary, everyday balloons in bright primary colors all tied together with string. The balloons might have slipped unknowingly from the hand of a young one who realized too late or perhaps they were intentionally set free to drift as they pleased.

via

I whispered a few wishes from my heart, then felt the wind take them from my lips, swirling them with the balloons before carrying both over the hillside.

Island Girl: A Review

2011-05-20T09:55:00.000-05:00

Island Girl by Lynda Simmons is an extraordinary novel about a woman's journey into the unknown while trying to put her family back together before time runs out. The story unfolds through the points of view from the main character, Ruby, and her two daughters Liz and Grace. Alternating chapters reveal the uncertain present and the past that they never really made peace with.

Ruby, a vibrant woman in her 50's is struggling with early onset Alzheimer's, or "Big Al" as she calls it. In an attempt to reconcile with her eldest daughter for the sake of her younger one, Ruby goes to great lengths to restore family ties while attempting to disguise her diagnosis from almost everyone. Liz, the brilliant lawyer daughter who gave up practicing law in favor of alcohol, escaped the island where she was raised to create a life separately from her mother and what she considers her crazy ways. Grace, the quiet and shy daughter, once escaped the island only to return several years later after an unspeakable tragedy rendered her almost completely dependent on her mother.

Together these three women weave together a beautiful and haunting tale of learning to forgive, forget, find strength deep within, and the power to move forward into uncertainty and the unknown. Ruby boldly confronts "Big Al" while finding love with an old flame. Liz, with the help of a few friends, overcomes her struggle with the bottle to courageously use her dusty law degree. Grace, aided by an unlikely character, learns to find her voice and strength again.

This novel had a tight hold on me from the first chapter and pulled me into the Island world. Its a wonderfully written story that captures the difficulties of early onset Alzheimer's for both the individual suffering and the loved ones who must watch. The book is about taking control, healing, and moving forward. To learn more about this book and her others visit the authors website.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the author and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Thoughts on Unemployment

2011-05-19T12:24:00.001-05:00

I'm currently about six weeks into my unemployment. Its taken me a while to put my thoughts into words, but the thoughts have been tumbling around my head for a while now, so its time.

In the past, when my friends lost their jobs, I was their cheerleader. The one to tell them they weren't what they did, they were so much more than their jobs. I assured them that something fabulous would come along and that life indeed would go on, culminating into something even better than before. I truly believed all these things for my friends.

Then, I lost my job. Prior to losing my position, I was uber stressed, not sleeping at night, and most likely developing an ulcer. There were numerous times I was on the verge of panic attacks thinking of how I was going to pay my bills, how I would fill my time, and what it would mean for me to not get up and go to work every day, even though my work place had become less than ideal. I was afraid of what my life would look like unstructured. I was terrified of not having enough money and people judging me because I didn't have a traditional job any longer. I was sort of caught in a fog, not being able to see into the immediate future and it scared me.

via

My first few weeks of unemployment were filled with figuring it all out. Navigating the waters of the unemployment office, deferring student loans, and intensely searching for a new position. I was really hard on myself, telling myself that I needed a job as soon as possible. It took me longer to believe that thoughts that I had told my friends, that something better would come along, that life would go on, and that things would be ok.

Now? Now I've relaxed and settled into a new normal, a new routine and rhythm for my life in its current season. I am still intensely searching for a new position, but I'm also starting to enjoying this time off. I'm viewing it as a unique opportunity, for someone who has worked in one way or another since I've been 14, its quite the change of pace. I've taken to sitting out in the sun with my dog on sunny afternoons, reading or writing letters to friends or sometimes taking a quick nap. I walk my dog in the mornings, while its still overcast and a bit chilly out. I try new recipes for cooking and baking, ones that I always put aside to try someday. I've toured the Fiesta factory, was able to spend some time with my out of town best friend, and have plans to visit the Strip District in Pittsburgh with my grandpap. I've had to adjust my lifestyle and cancel some plans due to lack of funds, but I'm learning that life does indeed go on and that its really quite good. My bills are getting paid, I'm sleeping again at night, and I'm finding that my life is even more beautiful now that I'm not attached to a job I really disliked.

Releasing the stress and worries of losing my job has been a process, I've needed to be angry and had to separate myself from my co-workers -- those who lost their jobs along with me and those still employed. I've needed to see how I was going to make it work financially and how I was going to fill my free time. Now that I have, I know that the rest will fall into place when its supposed to. I'm pushing myself to look for positions that would challenge me, I've flirted with the idea that maybe a typical corporate 9-5 isn't what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm enjoying viewing my future as a jigsaw puzzle, where I can see the different pieces but I'm still not quite sure how they all fit together.

There is indeed life after being laid off and I'm currently learning to enjoy it.

Few Things Friday (And a Recipe)

2011-05-13T19:35:00.001-05:00

One of aspects I like most about unemployment is having time to do things I wouldn't normally do if i was chained to a desk and computer in an office building. Things like reading and catching a cat nap out on a sunny afternoon, trying new recipes, and visiting with out of town friends. All were events that I found myself doing this week.

My best friend's little sister graduated from nursing school. She's sort of been like a little sister to my brother and I so it was a great occasion to see her reach her dream of becoming an RN. I'm pretty sure that the entire two rows of people there for her were all teary and incredibly proud as we watched her get pinned with her deceased mom's nursing pin. After the ceremony, it was a lot of fun to gather with my friends family members, laughing and talking. Over the years they've become like a second family, happy times and celebrations with them are most certainly times I treasure.

Strawberry Rhubarb Crunch

Because my grandpap is a rockstar, he brought some rhubarb to the house so I could make a new recipe I came across the other day, strawberry rhubarb crunch. I delivered one to my grandparents for them to enjoy and you better believe that this evening after dinner, I had a bit with vanilla ice cream. It was nothing short of amazing, if I do say so myself. If you enjoy rhubarb, head to your nearest farmer's market or call up your grandpap and definitely make this recipe. (I didn't really measure and had a pretty deep pie plate so you may need to make a few adjustments or you could double it and cook it in a 9x13 pan.)

Strawberry Rhubarb Crunch
4 or 5 cups (or more) of fresh rhubarb, chopped

A pint (or more) of strawberries, hulled and sliced
1/4 to a 1/2 cup sugar (I preferred it to be a bit more tart so I used less)
2 tablespoons of corn starch

1 1/2 (or more) cups oats
3/4 (or more) cups packed brown sugar
5 or 6 tablespoons of butter (or what the hell, just add the whole stick, you can never have too much butter)
3 or 4 shakes of cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350. combine first four ingredients in a bowl, stir until combined and dump into your pie plate or other baking dish (its more fun if its a Fiesta dish). Combine the last four ingredients and spread on top of the strawberry rhubarb mixture. Bake for 50ish minutes (or a bit longer), just keep an eye on it while its baking to make sure the top doesn't burn. I stuck a fork down into mine around 50 minutes to make sure the rhubarb was tender, then just pulled it out of the oven.

Now here's the important part, eat this while its warm! You can thank me later. Best served with some vanilla ice cream.

Happy weekend, friends!!

I Believe In

2011-05-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

Recently I had my belief's questioned and challenged. I really disliked that feeling of being cornered, then grilled, and being asked to explain why I believe what I do. The other day I was digging around the archives and found this post. It was a great reminder of how I really feel and it seemed appropriate to share it again as a reminder to myself. Theses are some things I truly, whole heartedly believe in....

I believe in buying myself fresh flowers for no reason other than I want something beautiful to brighten my space. I believe in brightly colored nail polish in the spring and summer, sometimes with a top coat that has sparkles in it, just for fun. I believe in rolling the windows down, turning the radio up, and letting the wind roll through my car taking away my cares and frustrations, just feeling the sun shining through the windshield. I believe in sipping on chocolate raspberry chai while sitting across the table from my best friend, listening as she regales me with tales from her 8th grade students, laughing as we remember a fun day and make plans for the not so distant future. I believe in saying I'm sorry when I know I'm wrong, letting go instead of holding on, and forgiving even when I think I can't. I believe that people are generally good; that they will choose to help others when they can and go out of their way to make life a little easier for someone else.

I believe in naps on rainy days and occasionally eating ice cream for dinner. I believe in laughing--especially the kind that makes my sides hurt, causes tears to roll down my checks, and leaves me gasping for breath. I believe in loudly singing along with song even if I don't know the correct words. I believe in saying I love you, often, and meaning it with every fiber of my being. I believe in crying when I need to, but then getting up and becoming even stronger than I was before. I believe in keeping secrets, wishing on stars, and writing letters to far away friends.

I believe in spending time in nature, whether that be lying on my back in the lush grass watching clouds pass overheard or talking a long walk with fall leaves crunching under foot. I believe in holding hands and bear hugs. I believe in sitting alone, watching as the sun sinks behind the hills, and thinking about all the glorious unknowns the future holds. I believe in dancing under the stars with friends to the sounds of a battery powered radio around a crackling bonfire. I believe in drinking a cold beer on the deck surrounded by my favorite people, watching the river lazily pass by on a warm summer evening. I believe in reading a book while sitting in the shade of a large tree full of green leaves that flutter in the breeze.

Above all, I believe in myself. That I know what is best for me. That I am stronger and much more capable than I give myself credit for. That I have the power to make my life anything I want it to be.

What do you believe in?

Mothers and A Birthday

2011-05-09T09:50:00.000-05:00

I spent the great majority of the weekend with my family, which seemed quite fitting since it was both Mother's Day and my birthday weekend. I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way.

My mom is truly one of my best friends so I didn't mind sharing my day with her one bit, in fact, it probably made the day a bit more special. We had an incredibly low key weekend -- watching movies, enjoying the beautiful (but a bit cool) weather, and spending the majority of Sunday with our whole family. Between my mom's sisters and my grandparents (and a few of my aunt's neighbors) there was enough food to feed a small army and a bevy of delicious desserts.

My mom and I on Mother's Day

While I have some friends who mark birthday's with big, elaborate gatherings, I much rather the day pass quietly. Several calls, texts, facebook and twitter messages from friends made the day special. I may have skipped the candles a top a cake and my family singing part of the day but I do have a few wishes for the up coming year.

One of my goals for my next year includes being more bold in every aspect of life. I want to further step away from my comfortable confines, pushing my boundaries and becoming more of the person I want to be. Whether it be further exploring a career in freelance or wearing red lipstick, I'm determined to step out and make this year a great one.

I hope you all had a fabulous Mother's Day. Tell me, how did you spend your weekend?

Beauty Bash!!

2011-05-06T15:13:00.000-05:00

So, last weekend I drove six hours across the great state of Pennsylvania with some of my favorite people (my momma and a friend), to one of my favorite places (QVC!), for one of my most favorite events (The Beauty Bash!). This is the 5th time I've been able to attend the QVC Beauty Bash and each year has truly gotten better and better. This year was no exception.

My mom, our friend, and I headed out early Saturday morning. We pulled into QVC right in between the Saturday Beauty Bash sessions so we were able to scope out the much coveted Beauty Bash swag boxes, speak with some of the guests leaving the first session, and so some shopping in the Studio Store. While my mom made a beeline for the clothes, I meandered over to the jewelry section to try on some of the newest designs from some of my favorite jewelry designers (Carolyn Pollack jewelry holds a special place in my heart). I resisted the call of turquoise but did fall hard and fast for Kenneth Jay Lane's design of the royal engagement ring in simulated sapphire and diamonds. Sadly, I left without the ring but did snag a new mascara that I've been wanting to try, Tarte's Amazonian Clay mascara which makes my lashes look incredibly long.

After doing some shopping the three of us were able to take a QVC Studio tour, which took us on a behind the scenes look at how much work goes into showcasing products on air. Our wonderful tour guide, Marvetta, led us around for an hour and a half showing us the ins and outs of the studio. We were able to see the actual sets, where props and products are stored, and at one point even able to walk on a catwalk over the actual studio so we could see all the camera's and the host presenting on air. We were told about the hundreds of miles of cable that runs under the floors, the amount of work and quality of standards that vendors must meet to even sell their product on air, and there were few fun anecdotes from our tour guide thrown in to make the tour incredible enjoyable.

My mom, our friend, and me waiting for the Beauty Bash to start Sunday morning.

As much fun as Saturday was, Sunday was the day we were waiting for. After getting up early to make ourselves beautiful we were in line for the Bash at just a few minutes after 8 chatting with other Bash guests, discussing what we might get in our boxes, which vendors were our favorite and who we wanted to see. Like last year, QVC employees sold raffle tickets for chances to win donated baskets of product. The money goes to cancer research and a cause I'm always willing to donate to (especially if it means a chance to win extra product!). As we stood in line applying address labels (because we're efficient like that) and writing in our phone numbers, the three of us decided that this was our year to win an extra basket. They were checked, double checked, and creased before they were handed to an employee upon entering the venue.

After the doors opened we made a beeline for the Philosophy booth. The previous day my mom and I chatted with Dara, one of the main Philosophy reps who does on air appearances, for a good twenty minutes. As with most of the vendors, talking with her was like chatting with an old friend. We decided to visit their booth first for pictures and a peel. We were treated to Philopshy's oxygen peel which can I just tell you is like a little slice of heaven. It make my skin feel so hydrated and just so clean that I almost didn't want to get my make up done. Since its the Beauty Bash and against my personal line of thought to walk around such an event sans make up, I headed to the Laura Geller booth where here lovely artist Nina, applied some new products and color. Being a Geller Girl, I of course stopped to talk with Laura and let her know that I was the one who had interviewed her for my blog. She was so kind and gracious as always, I hated to leave but there were lines forming and other vendors to visit.

All of the Beauty Bash goodies displayed so guests could see what as included.

We spyed Ken Paves giving demonstrations of the hair.do extensions he sells on air, Ojon stylists fluffing and blowing out guest's hair, and ranodm women brushing their teeth with special whitening toothpaste. I visited the Mally booth to try their new makeup primer, tried on some red shades at the Lipstick Queen's booth, smelled new scents and tried so many lotions that I ran out of room on my arms. When it came time to pull the winners of the extra prizes, my mom, our friend, and I were still milling about the various vendors. The area gets really congested and its hard to hear. Only half paying attention to the voice on the loudspeaker, I heard my name called. I won! I wasn't entirely sure which basket my name had been pulled for, but after whisking my mom away form the vendor she had been talking to, the three of us made our way to the front so I could collect my prize. I ended up with over $700 worth of Dr. Denese skincare product. I was ecstatic, I adore the product and its something that's not really in the budget. We zipped over to the Dr. Denese booth where she and her assistants took the time to tell me a little about each product.

With Dr. Denese at her booth.

The three hours went by quickly and soon found us out in the parking lot collecting our thirty pound box of beauty product. In what has become a yearly tradition, I tore into one of the boxes before the car was even out of the parking lot. On the way home I routinely pulled out various products for the three of us to oooohhh and ahhhh over. There are so many fabulous products I cannot wait to dive in and get started using all the different brands.

Thanks as always QVC for a fantastic event!

Disclaimer: I bought my own ticket to the Beauty Bash and was in no way compensated for this post. I just love QVC. A lot. More than any one person probably should. As for the other brands mentioned, again, they are some of my own personal favorites and I was in no way compensated by them.

Things I Could Tell You

2011-05-03T09:51:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks have been crazy, including several out of town guests, learning how to deal with little creatures commonly referred to as kids, and a sanity saving out of town trip to QVC with my momma and a friend.

Ive been keeping a list of things I want to write about. Things like how I have no idea what to do with kids and how the out of town guests basically ripped me apart at the seams. Its really hard to have no less than 4 other people in your home at any given time, especially when some of those guests are less than ideal house guests. There has been cooking, cleaning, constant picking up after them, and a whole of ignoring the kids when they randomly run into the bathroom and then yell "I'm dooooooone."

There was a trip with my grandma to Pittsburgh where I literally saw my life flash before my eyes when she decided to cut off a Pittsburgh city bus and was basically oblivious to the whole thing. There were times spend with my teenage cousins, a cold rainy Easter, and how I basically suck at waiting to hear back from the few interviews I've had. There are conversations I want to write about, ones that challenged and questioned my religious beliefs and quite honestly pissed me off.

I could write about how someone stole my debit card information, decided to buy themselves some timber from India, and the headache its been to deal with the bank and paperwork. Or I could write tell you about how frustrated I am with the WV Unemployment Office for various reasons.

I'd much rather tell you about the QVC Beauty Bash and the fantastic 30 lbs box of goodies I brought home or the fantastic oxygen peel I received while in attendance (I may have even taken a picture of me mid- peel which I may or may not share). I'd really like to tell you about how this year at the Bash I won one of the amazing raffle baskets donated by one of the vendors filled with skincare products I could never, ever afford and how I decided that May is going to be a good month for me.

Instead, I'm going to take the day to recuperate and clean up after the out of town guests one final time. I'm going to send out some resumes, maybe take a nap and cherish the peace and quiet that's been missing from my house for the past few weeks. I'm going to catch up on blog reading something I've desperately missed and try to answer some emails.

Tell me, what have you been up to for the past few weeks? Catch me up on your life!

Beauty Bash Sneak Peek Part 2

2011-04-28T13:10:00.000-05:00

In addition to having the opportunity to get a behind the scenes peek at the Beauty Bash from a QVC employee, I also had the chance to speak with make-up maven Laura Geller. If you've read my previous Beauty Bash posts than you know that I am head over heels in love with Laura's products. I started wearing them in my early college years and they are still among my tried and true favorites. Laura's booth at the Beauty Bash is always among the first stops I make.

Image courtesy of QVC

Laura Geller has been selling her make-up on QVC for over ten years and she has over 200 products available online through their website. Her line is a top selling brand on-air. Speaking with Laura on the phone (again as a result of the fabulous QVC employee Jessica Kinney), was one of those pinching myself to make sure its real moments. Laura is so incredibly genuine and real, the conversation was like speaking with a familiar friend.

When I asked Laura how she first brought her product to QVC, she warmly recounted the tale. She had been a fan of QVC and had the opportunity to meet the then head of QVC Health and Beauty who asked Laura to come up with a prototype product that she might like to sell on air. Pulling from her extensive make-up knowledge, the help of a friend who created an instruction booklet, and the husband of a client who helped develop a bag, Laura created a highlighting/contouring kit. After a few more meetings and discussions, QVC ordered 750 pieces. Using her mom's bridge table and a small army of her mother's friends, Laura was able to get the product delivered to QVC. The product sold out in minutes and QVC ordered double for the next show. Laura went back to New York, found a bigger bridge table and more of her mom's friends. Laura Geller had arrived on QVC with high-quality products that are truly multi-generational.

When discussing Laura's phenomenal booth at the QVC Beauty Bash, Laura's credits her right hand man Johnny Ottavino. In addition to being a superb make-up artist, Johnny is also a production manager who is responsible for bringing to life the yearly vision for the booth. This year, Laura promises that her booth will be a sampling of her NYC store -- an inviting place where the artists talk with the guests. Laura's team strives to create an environment that is very similar to walking into a friends house, complete with coffee and cookies.

Laura and her team really look forward to the annual Beauty Bash event as much as the guest do. She reiterated the fact that having the opportunity to put faces to the names of her fans who comment on her blog and her facebook pages. For her and her team, its a chance to engage, swap ideas, and find out what people like or don't like. Every year when choosing a product to include in the Beauty Bash box guests receive, she usually chooses to include what she calls a "hero product"-- something from one of her best selling lines like the spackle or baked collections. While there are many who consider themselves "Geller Girls," the Beauty Bash is an opportunity for her to get her product into the hands of hundreds of new clients.

After speaking with Laura, I cannot wait to see what her booth at the Beauty Bash will include and have my make-up done by one of her fabulous artists. I'll be tweeting from the Beauty Bash event so be sure to follow along and visit back next week for a full recap of the 2011 QVC Beauty Bash!

Disclaimer: I was not compensated by QVC to write this post. I love the company and the Beauty Bash event. A lot. More than should be allowed. I reached out to QVC via their twitter and was connected to a wonderful employee, Jessica Kinney, who arranged for me to speak with Claudia Lucas and Laura Geller.

Beauty Bash 2011 Sneak Peek, Part 1

2011-04-26T16:02:00.000-05:00

This Saturday I will be embarking on a desperately needed girls weekend with my mom and one of her best friends. We'll pack into the car early in the morning, heading east across the state of Pennsylvania, not stopping until we hit our destination -- West Chester, PA. Every year the Beauty Bash weekend at QVC is our weekend to step away from whatever may be going on in life -- this year its my job search and out of town visitors.

The QVC Beauty Bash brings together some of the top beauty vendors to allow people (mostly women) an inside look at new beauty products, a chance to interact with some of their favorite tv people behind the brands, and just a really fun time getting pampered. This year there are going to be four sessions and about 2200 people who will get to experience the event at QVC. Having attended the event for the past 4 years, I thought it might be fun to write a few posts about the event, a little behind the scenes look at what goes into pulling off such a fantastic event like the Beauty Bash.After reaching out via their twitter account, a few days later I had the great opportunity to speak with some wonderful folks who gave me an insiders look at what goes into planning such a fun event.

Image courtesy of QVC

First I spoke to QVC employee Claudia Lucas, Director, Beauty Merchandising. According to Claudia, this year there will be 47 vendors showcasing their products at the 2011 Beauty Bash, some of the vendors may be new as they sell their products only on QVC.com. Tickets for the event sold out in only 30 seconds and this year the 2200 guests will be attending the event. (The fact that tickets sold out in so quickly, makes me even more excited to be taking part in the weekend!)

Planning for the event (which will be making the 7th year this year) began at the end of last year. QVC has a great team who about 3 months ago began lining up vendors, incorporating as many vendors as possible to encompass as many of the best brands. QVC employees really work with the vendors to accommodate them with the sort of space they want to have. In the past some or the larger vendors have spaces large enough to let them set up shop for make up artists to do makeovers or hair stylist the ability to style guests hair. Employees also work to make sure that the more popular vendors are spaced accordingly so guests can easily peruse all the vendors, avoiding long lines. http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=31803328&postID=1946045521493371788

Each year, guests leave their Beauty Bash session with a bag (or more recently a box) full of product that the vendors generously donate. The bags contains products that are newer or more current (within the past year) so guests have the opportunity to sample them. The hope is that not only will guests be introduced to new products and brands but also call in to the QVC testimonial line when the products are presented on air. The estimated value of the bags are around $600-$1000.

When I asked Claudia if the QVC employees and the vendors enjoyed the Beauty Bash as much as the guests do, she assured me that they do indeed enjoy the unique opportunity to engage face to face with guests. The Beauty Bash provides the the valuable chance to get insights into what they are doing right, what they might do better, and what changes they might make in the future. Claudia stated, "Good brands always listen to their customer." Of course the Beauty Bash not only provides loyal customers the chance to visit with some of their favorite vendors, but also lets guests be introduced to new vendors and products.

I'm really hoping I get to meet Claudia on Sunday when attending the Sunday morning Beauty Bash session. I loved having the opportunity to speak with her and she provided a great overview of some of the planning and preparations that go into the event. When we spoke last Thursday, she said that the Beauty Bash boxes guests would get upon leaving the venue were currently being packed by a small army at another facility. I cannot wait to see what might be in those boxes this year!

When talking with Claudia we talked a little bit about how beauty brings women together. Women love to look their best, love learning about new techniques, and never get tired of talking about beauty products. I really truly love that QVC offers this event that brings women together like it does.

Be sure to check back later in the week for a look at the Beauty Bash from a vendor's point of view. I had the amazing opportunity to speak with the fabulous Laura Geller. In the mean time feel free to check out the main QVC Beauty website to explore some of their various brands and products.

Disclaimer: I was not compensated by QVC to write this post. I love the company and the Beauty Bash event. A lot. More than should be allowed. I reached out to QVC via their twitter and was connected to a wonderful employee, Jessica Kinney, who arranged for me to speak with Claudia Lucas and Laura Geller.

Mamma Mia

2011-04-20T12:00:00.000-05:00

Last evening I attended opening night of Mamma Mia, the smash Broadway hit based on the songs of Abba. The play revolves around wedding preparations for a young Sophie Sherridan, set on a beautiful Greek island. Raised by a strong single mother, Sophie wants nothing more than to know who her real father is. She has narrowed the possibilities down to three men, all of whom she invited to her upcoming nuptials. Hilarity ensues as hi-jinks and shenanigans unfold. The plot unfolds wrapped to a musical score of Abba classics such as "Dancing Queen," "Super Trooper," and "Take a Chance on Me."

Kay Tuckerman's portrayal of Sophie's strong, independent mother Donna and her two best friends/one time back up singers Mary Callahan (Rosie) and Alison Ewing (Tanya) were among my favorites of the show. Reminiscent of three girlfriends recreating some of their fun memories, the trio sang, danced, and created such a fun experience for the show.

The musical aspect of the show was of course one of the absolute best parts. As a child who was raised to the sounds of 70's, Abba's music makes listeners want to sing along and dance right in the aisle. There were several times during the show the audience spontaneously broke out clapping along to the beat and could be heard softly singing along.

Mamma Mia is a rocking fun play that all ages will enjoy. The play is running in Pittsburgh through Sunday at Heinz Hall. Or visit the Mamma Mia National Tour site for information on when it might be visiting your city!

Disclaimer: I was provided tickets for the show by The Pittsburgh Cultural Trust but all the opinions expressed here are my own.

Sometimes I...

2011-04-18T23:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I am 100% ready to move away, other times I have second thoughts. On Friday morning while driving to my interview, I saw the Washington Monument and US Capitol building off in the distance. I felt peaceful, like I could drive past those sights every day while being perfectly content. Then I spend several hours with aunts and younger cousins, laughing, teasing, and talking. In moments like that I wonder how those relationships will change if I leave.

Sometimes I think unemployment does strange things to a person. I made plans with my grandma tomorrow to go tour the Fiesta Factory. Its something we have both wanted to do so it made sense to go while I'm off. I then had an offer to tickets to see a play in Pittsburgh tomorrow evening. In a moment of weakness, I asked my grandma to go with me since we will be in the area. This will be an interesting experiment., my grandma and I haven't spent so much time alone in years. Here's hoping it turns out well.

Sometimes I am reminded to live and let live. I found out some news last night about a family member that was a bit disappointing. While the events happening in his life aren't what I would choose for him, this is his story unfolding, not mine. Just as I have to be free to make my own choices like potentially running off the big city, he has to be free to make his. The past few months I've been working on letting some things go and remembering that people are on their own paths for a reason.

Sometimes I think I'll be looking for someplace to hide for the next few weeks. Tomorrow my step-brother, his wife and their two little girls arrive for a two week visit. The weeks will also bring my step-sister, her husband and their two dogs on the weekends and my other stepbrother from New Orleans. Thats a whole lot of people. Easter is going to be one big loud chaotic day. I have a trip at the end of the month to West Chester, PA that is coming at the perfect time.

Sometimes I am in awe of the friends I have, the friends that I've made through this blog are among my closest friends. They encourage me, support me, make me laugh and are never further away than a phone call. I celebrate life's milestones like engagements with these friends. They graciously let me stay at their homes and offer up their spare bedrooms in other cities. These friends have gone from being people behind some of my favorite blogs to people who I call when I have any sort of news people I can't imagine my life without.

Your turn! Sometimes I.....

A Few Words Friday

2011-04-15T00:29:00.000-05:00

"Hope is the power that gives us the power to step out and try."

via

I'm currently in the DC area, staying with two of my favorite people, Becky and Ben. I have an interview tomorrow. All good thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

The Peach Keeper: A Review and A Giveaway

2011-04-13T13:05:00.000-05:00

The Peach Keeper by Sarah Addison Allen is a story about the incredible bonds of friendship, family, and how that passes down through the generations.

Willa Jackson returned to her small Southern hometown, after the death of her father to live the sort of life she thinks would make her father proud. She's settled into a small, quiet predictable life that is dramatically different from her teenage years. Willa's family helped build the small town of Walls on Water, North Carolina and resided in a beautiful, glorious old mansion, the Blue Ridge Madam. After the town fell on hard times, her ancestors were forced to abandon the house which fell into disrepair over the years. Willa's former classmate, Paxton Osgood and her family, undertake the Madame as a charitable project. The two are reconciled when a skeleton and some other odd remains are found under a lone peach tree, forcing them to both take a look at their past and their future.

Having never read an Allen novel, I wasn't sure what to expect but was very quickly drawn into the characters and their stories. The story flows easily as it takes you down the path of high school acquaintances who have grown, changed, and reunited in their hometown. Some are surprised at the path others have chosen, while others haven't changed. Set against the picturesque background of a North Carolina mountain town, this story examines the choices the characters make, the past they thought they knew, and the reality of their ancestors lives. The mystery of the skeleton beneath the peach tree brings the acquaintances together in a way they never imagined, intertwining their pasts and their futures.

I really loved reading this novel and highly recommend it if you're looking for a fast weekend read. Once I started I didn't want to put this book down and am anxious to check out Sarah Addison Allen's other novels. For more information on this book check out the author's website.

Additionally, the publisher has graciously offered to send one of my readers their own copy of The Peach Keeper. Simply leave a comment on this post by next Wednesday. I'll draw the winner via Random.org and announce the winner next Thursday.

Disclosure: I was provided a copy of this book for review by the publisher and TLC Tours. The thoughts and opinions in this post are my own.

Spring

2011-04-11T12:41:00.001-05:00

This weekend brought time with friends passing through my little valley, a baby shower for a close friend, and celebrating my "little" cousin's 16th birthday (which technically doesn't come until later this week). Spring finally arrived bringing sun and warmer temperatures allowing people to open their windows so a breeze could blow through.

via

Today the window's are still open, the sun is hidden behind clouds and I'm watching a spring shower. Its refreshing knowing that both my world and I are heading into new seasons sort of in tandem.

Next to Normal

2011-04-06T11:01:00.000-05:00

Last evening I had the privilege of seeing the play Next to Normal, winner of the 2010 Pulitzer Prize for Drama and three 2009 Tony Awards, at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh. This gripping, heart wrenching musical had me from the first strains of the music to well after the final bows.

I honestly had no idea what to expect from this play, as its outside the general realm of shows I see. A bit of research gave me the general understanding that the play centered around the mother's battle with depression and bi-polar disorder. I had no idea how that central storyline would evolve into a powerhouse play, but went in with an open mind.I was emotionally blown away by the end result and this show is definitely one of the most moving stories I've seen performed.

The National Tour Company of Next to Normal. Photo by Craig Schwartz.

Next to Normal is a a contemporary musical about a family trying to take care of themselves and each other. The mother (portrayed by Tony Award winning actress, Alice Ripley) is a bi-polar, depressed figure who barely survives her days with the aid of a large cocktail of various anti-depression/anxiety meds and undergoes various psychological procedures. Ripley captured the very soul and essence of her character and gave a tear-inducing, gut-wrenching performance that is sure to stay with theater goers long after they've left the venue. The father is a man desperately trying to hold the family together (and barely succeeding) while attempting to restore his marriage to what it once was in happier times. The family is rounded out by a seemingly perfect nearly eighteen year old son who has an intense hold on his mother and a sixteen year old daughter who tries to live up to up to expectations only to steal her mother's drugs to dull the pain of her family dynamics. Each of the actors was so emotionally invested into their respective characters, I have a hard time imagining how emotional it must be to play such characters night after night.

The musical score was phenomenal. Its an incredibly emotional play so be sure to bring along the tissues. Next to Normal runs through April 10th at Pittsburgh's Benedum Center or visit the Next to Normal national tour site to see if its running in a city near you. You won't be disappointed.

Disclaimer: I was provided tickets to see the play by the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust, I was not required to write a review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

A New Chapter

2011-04-04T18:51:00.000-05:00

Life is full of change, honey. That's how we learn and grow. When we're born, the Good Lord gives each of us a Life Book. Chapter by chapter, we live and learn... When a chapter of your Life Book is complete, your spirit knows it's time to turn the page so a new chapter can begin. Even when you're scared or think you're not ready, your spirit knows you are. ~Beth Hoffman, from the book Saving Ceecee Honeycutt

Last Thursday, I started a new chapter in my Life Book, one called Unemployment, a chapter I was expecting to come but not quite ready to embrace. One one hand, I'm relieved. My past position was causing a lot of stress and anxiety for a myriad of reasons. I wasn't happy in that position for some time, but I didn't have the courage to just walk away without another position already in place. I've been searching but nothing has worked out just yet. I'm hopeful, optimistic, and trying to keep my spirits up. On the other hand, I'm scared and worried. Not knowing when I'll have a decent steady paycheck is terrifying. I wonder how I will eek by on what little I'll get in unemployment.

via

A few weeks ago, I hit a mental and emotional low that wasn't pretty. That low involved "taking off my brave face" as one very dear friend referred to the situation. I have this need to always be the strong one, the one others lean on, but sometimes my tough exterior shatters into a thousand pieces I can't even begin to put back together on my own. Its in those times, when my soul and spirit are broken, I reach out with both hands, blindly falling and am lucky enough to have some amazing people who reach back to catch me. Once I hit that low and the tears started to dry, things started to come into focus again. The past few days I've been fluctuating between being ok and crying.

This new chapter is going to be about changes, as scary and unnerving as they may be. I've been asking for an adventure for quite awhile. This is it. I've been thrust forward out of my comfort zone, propelling forward. I am trying to hope and trust in the Universe that the wheels are turning as they should and my stars are aligning. I'm trying to remain positive but I know at times that as my story in this chapter unfolds, its not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Its going to be dirty, gritty, and raw. There will be peaks and valleys. Regardless, I'm really hoping this will be a short chapter in my Life Book, knowing the my spirit is ready to move on.

Thank you to all of you for your sweet emails and encouraging words via twitter and email. Your good thoughts and prayers mean more to me than you know.

I Believe

2011-03-29T13:49:00.000-05:00

via

I believe in the power of friendship. My friends are the people in life I continually turn to for advice, support, entertainment, and encouragement. They are the ones who know who I am at my core, the good and the bad. I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by amazing people who are never more than a phone call or email away. These are the friends with whom I can be my true self and trust above all else. These are the friendships that have been with me in times of joy and held my hand through the stormy, turbulent times.

I believe in eating ice cream for dinner on occasion. Not just any ice cream, but ice cream with all the fixings: chocolate syrup, sprinkles, and whipped cream. For no reason other than the fact that I can.

I believe in dreaming and working hard. Dreaming up a life that will take me to new places, with new people, and new adventures. Dreaming of unexplored paths and unchartered territories. Dreaming of things so big, that they seem impossible and scare the bejesus out of me. Then working hard to lay the groundwork to make those dreams become a reality. Reaching out, questioning, asking, putting myself out there and pushing the boundaries of my soul to live the dreams I’ve had.

I believe in kindness. The kind where an unexpected package or letter brightens someone’s day. Going out of the way to be a little bit nicer to people doesn’t have to be some big, extraordinary effort. Often times, it’s the smaller gestures that have the biggest impact. Things like adding a few coins to an almost expired parking meter, a bigger than expected tip to the barista, randomly buying someone else a coffee without them knowing, a smile to someone you don’t even know.

I believe in laughter. The kind that makes my sides hurt and tears to fall from my eyes.

I believe in myself. That I have the capability for extraordinary things. That I can be a better person, make my life everything I want and more. That I reach new heights and soar on the back of the wind. I know I can change my world and let more beauty shine through. I know that I’m stronger than I think and capable of so much more than I can possibly know.

What do you believe in today?

A Complete Rest

2011-03-27T22:40:00.000-05:00

Last week completely kicked my ass in more ways than one. The week was rough, emotionally and mentally draining. By the time the weekend rolled around, I desperately needed to check out. I needed time away from ghosts from the past, the situation I'm dealing with at work, and some other personal things that were holding my sanity hostage.

Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest. ~Ashleigh Brilliant

A complete rest was in order. For the most part, I disconnected. I turned off my phone and largely ignored my computer. I had a sleepover with my fourteen year old cousin where we painted our nails, watched chick flicks, and ate cookie dough. I had brunch with one of my long-time friends. I attempted to be crafty while assembling centerpieces for a friend's baby shower. I slept. A lot. I had a great talk with a faraway friend who always understands. I took a nap on the couch while "watching" a movie. I ate cereal for dinner and made no apologies for it. I was reminded that its all going to be ok.

_________________________________________________________________________

I was completely remiss on Friday for not posting the winner of the Kitchen Crack Fiesta Giveaway. Congratulations to Nilsa, who was chosen by random.org!

Fifteen Years

2011-03-23T17:37:00.001-05:00

While I often wax poetic about my childhood and life in my small town, there are some ghosts from the past that I don’t often write or talk about. Parts of my childhood and teenage years that are better left locked away in my memory, too painful to recall. Memories that cause physical exhaustion just by simply thinking about them. Sometimes those memories come rushing back; causing the tiny hairs on my arms to raise, my breath catch in my throat, and my heart to fill with sadness. The past few days I’ve been haunted by memories.

I was fifteen, a sophomore in high school. It was a Sunday, one of those perfect Spring like March days, that everyone longs for after a harsh winter, one of the first days that one could go outside without a jacket. And it was sunny. I remember the sun glinting off the river causing blinding light rays if you looked at the water at just the right angle. The day was punctuated with police cars, their flashing red, blue, and white lights swirling over and over and over and over. Phone calls from friends and classmates. Someone sobbing uncontrollably in the background. Hushed whispers from adults who couldn’t themselves fathom the news, much less know how to deal with fifteen and sixteen year olds trying to comprehend what was happening around them. Looking into the red rimmed, bloodshot eyes of friends; knowing that our lives had all been changed. Knowing that in that day and those that followed, a part of our teenage years had abruptly been taken away from us, just like our friend.

via

Fifteen years ago today, a childhood friend was violently killed at the hands of her older boyfriend, someone I knew and trusted. The horrific details of how it happened are forever branded into my mind. Every last detail. For a long time, when I closed my eyes, those were the images I saw. Sometimes I still do. I can remember what I wore to the funeral. The color umbrella I held while huddling with friends at the grave site. The scared, confused wide eyed looks of friends and classmates that I know mirrored my own. The feelings of loss and overwhelming, unspeakable grief. Fifteen years ago today, not only did she lose her life, but my friends, classmates, and I lost the last vestiges of our childhood, thrust into adulthood in a way that no child should have to face.

Today I’m having trouble grasping the fact that it’s been fifteen years. That today marks the point where the events that happened half a lifetime ago are still far too vivid and real in my mind. Today, fifteen years ago, I couldn’t fathom how life would go on. But of course, it has.

Today there is a cross erected along the deserted dead-end road, near the spot where my friends broken body was found down along the river bank. I walk my dog there sometimes, the cross one of the only physical reminders of her presence left. I occasionally hear others who are walking or biking wonder out loud who the young girl was or what might have happened. I want to tell them she was my friend, the sort of person she was, what her hopes and dreams were. Instead I briefly pause and whisper a prayer for peace before moving on. Knowing that I will never forget.

Kitchen Crack (And A Giveaway!)

2011-03-16T23:29:00.003-05:00

Friends, I've been keeping a bit of a secret from you. I have a bit of an addiction.

It all started innocently, I promise. My mom and I were on our way home from a trip up north. A billboard for the Homer Laughlin China Company Outlet caught our eye. A place we always said we wanted to go, but never did. An exploratory spontaneous little detour was in order. That was the beginning of the end. A slippery slope into my addiction to kitchen crack.

The Homer Laughlin China Company (and factory) is located about an hour north of my small town, situated right along the Ohio River in Newell, WV. While you may not be familiar with Homer Laughlin, chances are you've seen their brightly hued pottery ware, known as Fiesta Dinnerware, in a department store or perhaps even your grandparents kitchen cupboards. Fiesta ware first hit the market back in 1936 and featured art deco styling with bold, bright colors. The original patterns remain largely unchanged. And the colors? Oh my word, you guys, THE COLORS!! There are hues of blues, greens, purple, yellows, orange, red. Its amazing. Take a look for yourself (and know that all the pictures don't do the pottery justice).

The colors are bold and vibrant. The dinnerware can go from the freezer, to the oven, to the table, to the dishwasher. Its naturally non-stick. Its made right here in grand ol' US of A! Which lets be honest, is pretty rare these days. Whether you select a combo of two or three colors or decide you MUST have then all (as I have decided), all the colors go together and coordinate. Fiesta ware is heavy duty, substantial dinnerware. AND I LOVE IT!

Since the inaugural trip last October. There have been many, many trips up river on a sunny Sunday afternoon. My mom and I are smitten. Walking into the outlet store is like walking into a rainbow. Even better? Off the main shopping room is a seconds room, where bins and bins of this dinner ware is housed simply because a very small blemish prevents it from being sold at full price. Do you know what that means? It means I can buy pieces of this pottery ware for a fraction of the cost of what it retails for in the department stores. It means just about all of the old bake ware, mugs, crocks, and serving platters in my family's home has been replaced. It means my stepdad had to add a shelf into our pantry simply to house more Fiesta ware. It means that I have boxes of the stuff stashed away in the basement because we ran out of room for all the colors purchased. It means that I purchase things for my friends and ship it halfway across the country because I want my friends to experience the awesomeness that is Fiesta ware. It means that I bought some things to give to one lucky reader!

Gusto bowls are some of my favorite pieces. They are big 24-ounce size bowls that I love using to serve up stews and chilis. I look for reasons to use them. I cook things specifically because I want to share the dish with my friends in these bowls. Trust me, you want these bowls.

The bowls are in the colors of sunflower, peacock, scarlet, and cobalt and I'm going to give away the set of four (one of each color) to one of you! There are a few different ways you can enter the giveaway:

1. Leave a comment on this post. Tell me your favorite color of Fiesta ware (if you have one). Does anyone in your family collect Fiesta ware (its the most collected dinnerware in the country)? What would you make to serve in these bowls? Just leave a comment. (And yes, my Canadian and overseas friends can enter too!)

2. Tell Twitter! Just leave me a link (as a separate comment) letting me know you twittered.

3. Blog it! Write about the giveaway or tell your own Fiesta story (make me feel better, let me know I'm not the only one addicted to this kitchen crack) on your blog. Again, just leave me a link (as a separate comment).

Winner will be chosen Friday, March 25th, you have until the 24th midnight EST to leave a comment.

And, go!

Disclaimer: I purchased the bowls on my own, because I love them that much. I have no affiliation to the company and was not asked to endorse this product but I am all about supporting businesses within my little Ohio River Valley. Back off FTC.

Enchanted Possibilities

2011-03-14T00:10:00.005-05:00

The month of March has thrown me for a bit of an unexpected loop that leaves me with a lot of uncertainties. Uncertainties over trips I had hoped to make to see out of town friends. Uncertainties over relationships that may no longer be as solid as I thought they were. Uncertainties over my job which may end at the close of the month.

via

With these uncertainties come changes. Right now, I'm in the middle of these changes where its messy, complicated, and hard. There are times I feel empowered about decisions and the steps I'm taking. I have hope and faith that things will work out. Sometimes I'm incredibly weak, on the cusp of falling apart, and cry myself to sleep. There are multiple moments I pray for strength, guidance, and acceptance.

"The uncertainties of the present always give way to the enchanted possibilities of the future.”
~Gelsey Kirkland

I'm attempting to find courage to believe in myself and to trust myself that all will work out as it should. I'm sending out resumes in hopes of finding a new job. I'm reminding myself that these hard, messy moments lead to new realizations. I am trying to remember to believe in the beauty of dreams, keeping in mind that uncertainties of today will be enchanted possibilities of tomorrow.

Comforts

2011-03-06T23:40:00.002-05:00

Wrapping myself in a vibrantly hued afghan crocheted by my great grandma, knowing that her tiny hands created a loving masterpiece that provides both warmth and comfort. Cuddling with my golden retriever. Watching movies that my mom first introduced me to as a child, including Xanadu, and being reminded of the hours spent crouched next to the record player listening to the vinyl of the soundtrack. Catching up with some far away friends. Painting my nails with a new favorite color. Snuggling under my comforter for as long as I wanted because I had no place I needed to be. Knowing that sometimes chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk make me feel better regardless of how old I get.

via

Books with a cracked spine, picking up to some of my favorite novels and returning to some beautiful words. Pulling out my purple journal to write some thoughts and feelings while feeling like I was confiding in an old friend. Afternoon naps for no reason. Wrapping my hands around a mug of hot coffee with caramel creamer. Eating some of my grandpa's apple butter on a slice of warm toast, being transported back to the fall day the apple butter was made. Listening to the rain hit my window pane, thinking of spring, and hoping it comes sooner rather than later.

A Few Words Friday

2011-03-04T10:45:00.001-05:00

The past week has been a difficult one for me and for a few of my friends. I haven't been able to find the words to share and I'm not sure I will. For some reason, words just didn't materialize. I've feel as if I've been a bird churned and tumultuously tossed about in a stormy sky. Thankfully I'm finding my wings, righting myself, and surrendering to the wind to gently lift me upwards once again. Peace is coming. When things go wrong its so very easy to lose sight of the important parts of life, like the amazingness that comes from witnessing everyday miracles and simply being alive.

via

I want to really live.

I want to laugh till my stomach tightens so much

that it aches and my legs hurt from my slapping them.

I want to cry from my gut and let the tears wash

me to where I need to go.

I want to hear the singing of my heart.

And let the sounds echo inside me

and I want to dance to that music.

I want to fill with compassion

and touch someone's face so gently

that they can feel the caring in my fingertips.

I want to love so deeply

that my cells vibrate with it

and just standing near me

you can feel the buzz of the vibrations.

I want to know that I am worthy and good

and I want to leave self-doubt on the highway.

I want to touch the sky

and recognize my soul in it.

I want to walk in the rain

and drop to my knees in gratitude

for this gift of life I have been given.

May I never EVER forget what a gift it truly is.

~BoneSighArts

Sometimes I...

2011-02-23T22:21:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I really want it to be Friday. I'm not having a particularly bad week, I'm just over it. I'm easily annoyed, short tempered, and generally just want to be able to sleep in, stay up ridiculously late, and do a whole lot of nothing in between.

Sometimes I log into my Goodreads account (are we friends?) for the first time in, oh a month or so, and am surprised by how little I've read lately. Its pretty safe to say I'm in a reading rut. I've picked up half a dozen or so books, only to toss them to the side with a sigh. I want to read something beautiful, something that takes my breath away, and moves me. Have any good recommendations?

Sometimes I have a really great giveaway that I'm really excited to tell you about, but I need pictures and that means locating my camera, taking pictures, uploading said pictures, then realizing that I haven't bothered to upload pictures from the past three or four months, then getting distracted and subsequently annoyed by putting them on facebook, and really, thats more than I can handle at the moment. I'm shooting for the weekend at this point.

Sometimes I'm really bad at commenting on blogs, especially all the new visitors that have been stopping by my site (Hi! Thanks for reading!). My goal is take a big blog tour this weekend to get to new and old friends sites (and be better in the upcoming weeks). Have a blog that I need to read? Link me!

Sometimes I take steps to make sure that I don't have to leave my house for an entire weekend. I've already hit the grocery store, ran some errands, and avoided making plans with near by friends. The weather is supposed to be a nasty mix of cold rain and snow which basically means that in addition to my blog tour and tackling the insane amount of pictures on my camera (most of which will be my teen cousins and I making faces and/or sticking our tongues out), I'm thinking of curling up under my favorite blanket and watching Gone With the Wind. Just because.

Your turn, fill in the blank. Sometimes I _______________________________________.

My Life in Bullets

2011-02-21T23:20:00.000-05:00

Life has been hectic the past few days, not really allowing for sufficient time for a decent post. So here goes, my life in bullets:

On Thursday evening I went to the coffee shop with two dear friends I've known for most of my life. Both of these friends have been married to their husbands for over 4 years and both are new pregnant. I'm in dire need of new friends to hang out with. While I am happy for my friends, I am having a hard time partaking in conversations that constantly revolve around pregnancy. They have a hard time understanding this.

I was able to locate a bottle of whipped cream vodka. If you've never tried this, you have no idea what you're missing. Go find a bottle and then mix it with root beer, orange soda, or cola. My favorite is root beer, its like an adult root beer float. My Friday night consisted of this drink and The Cosby Show streaming on netflix. The show is so classically funny.

Saturday morning I went to an outlet sale with my mom to buy some incredibly fun, brightly colored kitchen items at incredibly discounted prices. More on that later in the week, but because I adore you, readers, I also picked up a few items for a blog giveaway!

I took my 14 year old cousin and her best friend shopping in Pittsburgh on Sunday. We drank Starbucks coffee (a rare treat they don't usually get with their parents), they tried on some ridiculous outfits they had no intention of buying, and there were lots of laughs. I love hanging out with my teenage cousins and am constantly blown away by what amazing people they are growing into.

What's going on in your life these days?

A Few Words Friday

2011-02-17T23:33:00.000-05:00

via

The philosophy of mine earth can be summed up as this: sunshine creates happiness, and I create myself. Nights are long and life is predominantly good. Wind is refreshing. Tea is wisdom. Do the best you can, and be good to yourself so that you can above all be good to others. ~Jessi Lane Adams

What A Difference A Year Makes

2011-02-15T18:13:00.001-05:00

Winter is the most difficult time of the year for me, particularly the months of February and March. Those two months here in Ohio have the potential to be brutally cold winter months that make my surroundings depressing and barren, making me think that spring will never arrive. Sometimes, for me, the winter blues to slip into something scarier and much harder to shake. This time last year, I became an incredibly unhappy shell of myself who spent more time trying to find the strength to fake a smile and convince people that I was fine then I did addressing the fact that I was teetering on the edge of a dark place. And that scared me. I found someone to talk with, took action, and by mid-spring my mental and emotional health was back in balance.

Knowing that last year was such a struggle, I was much more prepared and equipped to deal with any unhappy thoughts or feelings that tried to take hold of me. I knew to be on the look out for little signs before they snowballed into much bigger issues. I've been kinder to myself and have been doing a better job of managing stress. Balancing work and play has been a priority. I've started giving myself for pep talks usually reserved for my friends, the ones that start with "you can do this, I believe in you..." and I truly believe that.

via

Maybe it was the remarkable double rainbow I saw reflecting in the clouds on the commute home from work the other evening. Or maybe it’s the fact that Mother Nature has graced my little valley with above normal temperatures and sunshine. Maybe its the fact that I'm planning some fun road trips with family and friends for the upcoming months. Whatever the reason, right now, in the middle of winter, I’m incredibly optimistic. I truly believe that things are going to work out in my favor, soon. I'm genuinely happy and smiling. I'm in a completely different place this year than I was last year, which is a very beautiful thought.

A Few Words Friday

2011-02-11T06:00:00.002-05:00

via

How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within if only we would listen to it, that tells us certainly when to go forth into the unknown. ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Pick-Up Trucks

2011-02-09T06:00:00.004-05:00

Stopped at a red light recently on a warm almost spring-like winter day, I caught a glimpse of a few teenagers in the back bed of a pick-up truck (which is quite common around my small town and surrounding areas) that was idling next to me – laughing, knocking on the window that separated them from the driver, and waving at those of us in cars who had caught their attention. The light turned green, the truck gunned its engine and sped off with the lively, carefree teenagers but not before jarring my own long buried memories of riding around in trucks.

via

Living at the cross roads of The Middle Of Nowhere and Redneck Territory, basically means that there is an over abundance of large trucks on over-sized tires with beds long enough to haul 4-wheelers or a handful of people, the males at my high school were no exception.

My friends and I thought nothing of riding around town in the back of an open truck bed – feeling the wind rip through our hair, our backs to the little sliding window along the back of the cab, country music blasting loudly. We rode that way to football games, bonfires, and sometimes just rambling down miles of dirt roads in the country on a weekend because there was nothing else to do. We were free of worries and responsibilities. If we were plagued with those they were soon forgotten in the wind, whipped from our minds and left to mingle in the open air with the faint strains of music we left in our path.

via

Often tailgates were dropped as groups of friends congregated in the parking lot of a local fast food joint, just hanging out being teenagers, eying the small town cops as they drove past, daring them to stop and lecture us about loitering. After school within seconds of the final bell shrilling, people would scamper over the sides of the bed, get their footing on the back of shiny chrome bumpers as they swung themselves over the tailgate or just use the tires as a stair step to take their place in the back of a truck.

We’d lie on blankets in the bed of trucks parked out in fields watching the stars or dancing to the radio from opened car doors. On a warm fall night, after a football game, I even turned in my v-card in the back bed of a pick-up truck to the high school guy I thought I would love forever. My friends and I would ride around town having water balloon fights from the back end of trucks. We would have garbage bags full of water balloons as we raced up and down the town streets tossing our water grenades at friends in other trucks at the intersections and laughing until we cried when an unsuspecting bystander on the sidewalk would wind up on the receiving end of one of the water balloons.

I know it all sounds very small town cliché and it is, but those were the days of my teenage years. The days of carefree simplicity sprinkled with a very healthy dose of backwoods mischief and imagination that defined the girl I used to be at that moment in time.

Paying It Forward

2011-02-07T06:00:00.001-05:00

When I was twelve years old my father left my family, leaving in his wake two young children, a wife who worked a minimum wage job, and little money to make ends meet. With five/six months before my parents divorce was finalized, my family survived on the kindness of others. I still vividly remember my mom's best friends, dear family friends whom I considered my aunt and uncle, walking into our house with bags of groceries with staples like peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese, and a slew of other things. It wasn't easy for my mom to watch as her friends and family helped buy groceries or offered money for the mortgage payment but she humbly accepted their generosity. The years following the divorce were financially lean but we got by and most importantly, we survived.

via

Recently, a very close older friend, found herself going through a divorce. She has two young children who are the same age my brother and I were when my parents divorced. Having been there and knowing that my friends entire life was currently in state of upheaval and chaos, I did the only things I knew for sure to do. I volunteered (with his permission) my brother to help move furniture, but bed frames together, and haul other heavy things. I baked cookies, bought wine, and put together a big box of kitchen staples like peanut butter and jelly, sugar and flour. My mom listened with tissues in hand to hand them over when my friend needed someone else to be strong for her. Its hard to start over, even harder to start over when you're at an age where some of your friends are considering early retirement and you're moving to a new unfamiliar neighborhood.

Paying forward the kindness that was shown to me and my family during a difficult period of our life is incredibly important to me. I'm not sure how we would have gotten through those times if not for those amazingly generous individuals.

Has there ever been a time in your life you were helped by the kindness of others? Have you ever had an opportunity to pay that kindness forward?

Move It, Move It

2011-02-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

We all know by now that I'm a complete child at heart, the sort of adult who will probably never be a full fledged adult. When the great folks at the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust offered me the opportunity to take in Madagascar Live at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh, I of course jumped at the chance.

Madagascar Live, is a wonderful play that can provide children with their first taste of live theater. The story follows the tale of some mischievous penguins, Alex the lion, Gloria the hippo, Marty the zebra, and Melman the giraffe as they travel from the Central Park Zoo to the island of Madagascar. The play sticks pretty true to the storyline from the movie but with some wonderful use live actors and puppets. The use of sets and scenery were extremely well done to move the story along.

The musical numbers were catchy and invited the audience to "Move It, Move It" several times. I'll be completely honest, I missed some of the choreography on stage because I was completely taken with a little boy who was break dancing in the middle of the aisle next to my seat. That little kid has some moves! In addition to making me giggle, part of me wished it was acceptable for adults to get up and dance as well.

Some noteworthy parts of the show-- the actor who plays the giraffe does the entire show on stilts (and dances on them) and while the show is of course child friendly, some of the lines and jokes are completely for the adults. Overall this is a great show to take the entire family too and everyone will enjoy. Pittsburgh was only the second stop on the North American tour. Check this site to see if the show is headed to a city near you!

Disclaimer: I was provided tickets for my mom and I to see the show courtesy of the Pittsburgh Cultural Arts. I was not compensated or required to write a review. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this post are my own.

I'm The Sort of Woman

2011-02-03T10:53:00.000-05:00

I’m the sort of woman that has never quite outgrown fanciful childhood whimsy. I’m very grounded but there are always some daydreams floating around in my head that have resided there for a very long time. Thoughts of hot air balloon rides up among the clouds into the sunset or traveling the world with my friends on wild excursions are some of the thoughts that make me happy.

via

I’m the sort of woman who laughs and marvels over text messages from my younger cousins, both because they are sometimes very absurd and because they remind how fleeting time really is. All too soon, my teenage cousins will be moving from middle school to high school to college in just a few short years. I remind them that the situation they are in isn’t permanent. It’s a good reminder for me as well.

I’m the sort of woman who is very protective of certain parts of her life. There are some details that I share with very few people. Some things are more special when not everyone knows about them.

I’m the sort of woman who is working on realizing that its ok to not like every person who comes into my life for whatever reason. There are some people the universe puts on my path, I need to learn from them; sometimes learning and liking don’t necessarily go hand in hand.

I’m the sort of woman who is incredibly scatterbrained and disorganized. I’m terrible at keeping track of the lists I make, my desk at work usually looks like a cyclone tore through, and even when things are organized (according to my standards) some of my friends still shake their heads and laugh. I don’t have a type-A bone in my body, which I’ve learned to completely embrace. I'm spontaneous and prefer to go with the flow, doing what I feel instead of whats written on a piece of paper.

I’m the sort of woman who loves bright colors. My bedroom is draped in bright colors like bright turquoise and rich purples, with chaotic color everywhere from reds, to oranges, to pinks. I wear colors together. While neutrals are staples in my wardrobe so are vibrant, fun colors. There’s enough seriousness in the world, bright colors are just more fun and quirky. (Penelope Garcia from Criminal Minds is one of my favorite characters on television.)

I’m the sort of woman who cherishes time spent with family and friends. In the great job search, it’s very likely (and my hope) that I’ll be relocating. My roots here in my hometown are very, very deep but I know it’s time to uproot and find a new flower box in which to replant myself and thrive. In the meantime, I’m holding moments like shopping trips and Mexican dinners with my teenage cousins or family discussions over wine close to my heart.

Sometimes I...

2011-01-30T23:07:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I am blown away by the amazing people that I am lucky enough to call my friends. They create a place for me to be safe, to speak my dreams out loud, and listen to my rants. They offer support, advice, and unconditional love.

Sometimes I throw out to do lists in favor of spending time with my mom and younger cousins playing Mario Kart and streaming Netflix movies. Cleaning, laundry, and the like can wait. Laughter and bonding are much more fun.

Sometimes I lets tears fall down my cheeks without wiping them away because I have a tendency to push my feelings away until they all come crashing back in overwhelming waves.

Sometimes I forget that I'm running my own race and that I shouldn't compare my life to other peoples. I am me, unique, and doing exactly what I should be doing for myself.

Sometimes I am really bad at returning emails, making phone calls, and sending packages in the mail. Eventually I get the tasks done, it just takes a while. Or several months.

Sometimes I have several ideas for blog posts floating around in my head, but when I sit down to write they just aren't ready to be put into words yet.

Sometimes I just have to hit "mark all as read" and start over fresh another day.

Your turn. Fill in the blank. Sometimes I ________________________________.

A Few Words Friday

2011-01-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

There are some things success is not. Its not fame, its not money or power.

Success is waking up in the morning so excited about what you have to do, that you literally fly out the door.

Its getting to work with people you love.

Success is connecting with the world and making people feel.

Its finding a way to bind together people who have nothing in common but a dream.

Its falling asleep at night knowing you did the best job you could.

Success is joy and freedom and friendship...and success is love.

~Fame

Struggling

2011-01-26T23:56:00.001-05:00

There's a situation in my life that I'm struggling with, something that I really truly need to let go. I'm a huge proponent of letting people live their own lives and make their own mistakes, but sometimes that's really hard to do. Especially when its someone very close to you like, say, a sibling.

A few weeks ago my friend San, from The in Between is Mine, tweeted something that completely resonated with me:

"God grant me the peace to accept things

that don't have anything to do with me."

This is what I'm working for, a peace to accept things as they are in the current moment. My time and energy can be better utilized in other ways. There are some times I think I've reached that place where I've found that peace. Then there are other times I realize I'm failing miserably. Tonight, its the latter.

Under Wraps

2011-01-23T23:51:00.000-05:00

This weekend I stayed under wraps, literally. The temperatures in my town struggled to reach double digits. I don't know about you, but when there are several inches of snow on the ground and the high temperatures is 8, that basically calls for a weekend spent under blankets and comforters.

via

I slept in hours past my normal wake up time basking in the warmth of my down comforter. It was completely luxurious to roll over and go back to sleep, while pulling the comforter over my head. I spent some time wrapped in a colorful afghan my great grandmother crocheted streaming some fun old musicals from Netflix, watching them with my mom while singing along, talking about some fum memories and just enjoying the quality time with her. I spent some time chatting on the phone with a faraway friend, huddled under my favorite blanket, talking about the possibilities of future dreams that might go along with a home she and her husband are hoping to make their own.

Sure I did a few productive things, like bake chocolate chip cookies and a load or two of laundry, but that was it. This weekend was about laying low, shutting out the cold, and just completely losing myself in a relaxed weekend. There's something wonderful about not having any plans and purposefully not making any. Sometimes you just need to wrap up and stay warm.

How was your weekend? Did you wrap up and hibernate against the cold?

Strong Women

2011-01-18T23:22:00.000-05:00

I’ve grown up surrounded by women, a lot of them really strong spirited. In addition to being raised by an incredibly strong single mother and having numerous aunts (both blood related and those who are close family friends), my mentors have been amazing women who have come into my life as a campus minister, an English professor, and a Catholic nun. All of them could stand firmly planted while chaos, change, and uncertainly swirled around them at a frantic pace. Now that I’m older, I choose to surround myself with a core group of wonderful friends who are never more than a phone call or email away.

Throughout different times in my life I’ve called upon these women – for guidance, for healing, for a confidante, for a shoulder to cry on, for a spirit needing restored, for a reason to celebrate. They have been my lifelines when things go wrong, hold me down when my thoughts carry me away, and lift me up when I can’t see the stars.

Recently I read the book, Saving CeeCee Honeycutt. (If you haven’t read it yet, do it! You won’t be sorry.) One of the major themes within the book is the power of women. Much like Steel Magnolias, the women in the story have their issues and come from different social and economic backgrounds. Despite that, all of their complexities and inner workings are woven tightly together to form a safety net for each other, each woman an extremely vital piece that helps to hold the net together.

The book really made me want to celebrate the women in my life. I don’t often stop to say thank you or even acknowledge how imperative the women of my past and present are to me. I need to do that more often and remind them that they are the important for their place in my life.

Do you have a strong network of women in your life that you depend upon or a particular woman you need to celebrate?

Ordinary Moments

2011-01-17T14:33:00.005-05:00

Laughter with friends over Mexican food. Conversations about the future over brunch. A car ride with my mom. Hugging my golden retriever. Doing dishes while looking out the window at snow. Picking out a friend’s birthday present. Hearing the voice of someone incredibly special on the other end of the phone. Late night talks with friends who are like family. Being ridiculously excited to play a video game. Day dreaming. Eating raw cookie dough while baking cookies.

Looking up into the black night sky while shivering against the cold. Afternoon naps. Text messages from people in the same room. Not having to scrape ice off the car windshield. Being surrounded by bright colors that make me happy. Gchat and skype dates. Drinking margaritas. Struggling to put together packages to send out to friends. Crying just because. Saying a prayer and wishing while sending out resumes. Allowing myself to be angry. Drinking coffee out of my favorite yellow mug. Rediscovering a brightly colored scarf once thought to be lost. Email exchanges with friends. Watching kids movies without any kids.

These days, I’m reveling in ordinary moments. Life is really, really simple at the moment and I’m ok with that for the time being. I’m not feeling off kilter or out of sorts like I sometimes do mid-winter. I’m taking every moment as it comes, the good and the bad. I’m laying low and recharging my batteries. I’m finding beauty in places I wouldn’t have normally looked. I’m working on overcoming some shortcomings and letting go. I’m practicing patience and failing miserably. I’m learning that’s ok too. I’m being more grateful and hopeful.

I’m finding beauty in ordinary moments. Do you?

Finally Friday

2011-01-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

This week has felt like a marathon of a week, the first week back after a long holiday always seems to feel that way. My patience has run short, the stacks of paper and post-its on my desk seem to grow higher, and five o’clock seems always elusive. Mornings have been cold, sending me burrowing further under my covers each time I haphazardly smack the ringing alarm while not paying attention to whether I actually hit the snooze or the off button, the latter being the more dangerous. When I finally manage to drag myself from the warmth of my bed, I twist my hair around itself, shoving in hair pins to secure it into some mildly decent, work acceptable style while randomly pulling clothes out of my closet hardly caring if they match.

via

But, it’s finally Friday. The day that seemed to take forever to show up is moving along quite nicely. I’m not sure about where you are, but in my world, people are always a wee bit nicer on Friday making the day much more pleasant.

I’m ready to start the weekend that currently includes plans for a home cooked Mexican fiesta dinner with family and friends, Mario Kart playing on the Wii (a Wii has just recently found its way into my home, its provided lots of hilarious moments, sleepless nights, and more expletives than one can imagine), and the luxury of completely turning off my alarm. I’m giving myself the freedom to do nothing productive if I so choose and to just recharge my batteries after a long week.

Now tell me, what are you up to this weekend, friends?

Small Town Friends, Big City Dreams

2011-01-12T11:46:00.004-05:00

One thing I don’t do very often with those closest to me in my everyday life is day dream out loud. In the spirit of small town cliché, I’m supposed to dream of getting married; settling into a cozy little home, then get right to work starting a family. This is what my mom and aunts did, it’s what several of my friends have done. The only problem is my heart’s longing is very different from those dreams of marriage and family.

During a heated conversation with a small town friend, she told me I was jealous of her because she was living the “American Dream.” She has a husband, a house, and a child on the way. From the outside, sure, it may seem like she has it all, but I’ve been on the inside of her house and it’s far from the perfect dream. But its her dream and I'm fully supportive of that. Still, her words have left a stinging mark on my soul that has me questioning our friendship. She’s since apologized, blaming it on hormones, lack of sleep, and a myriad of other things. That doesn’t stop the stinging though left by her thoughtless words, the ones that insinuated that I should want what she has even though we both know I don’t.

via

My dreams swirl around scenarios vastly different from my small town life. There’s one that includes a small apartment in an eclectic neighborhood filled with diverse interesting characters, surrounded by art galleries, museums, and unique independent bookstores. Another one includes a house filled with friends from different walks of life sharing stories of international travel, breaking bread over a table filled with exotic foods, and having conversations about sorts of things that I can’t discuss with my small town friends. The dreams include doing work that makes a difference, something that gives me complete contentment, is challenging but still lets me live my life in a way that’s not just existing but actually living.

Right now those dreams don’t include a husband or children, and I’m ok with that. I just wish more people in my life would be ok with that too. They they would be supportive of me and my dreams, like I am of them and their dreams.

Since they aren’t, I’ve sought out new friends who are completely supportive of those dreams; friends who, at their core, are very different from my childhood friends and dream different dreams for themselves. Friends who totally follow their hearts instead of what someone else dictates to them. I’ve surrounded myself with a community of people who come from incredibly different backgrounds than I do, opening up a whole new world of thoughts and ways of seeing life. I’ve started laying the groundwork, searching for new opportunities in new cities, piece by piece untangling myself the clutches of small town life.

I know sometimes it’s hard for childhood friendships to be sustainable into adulthood. Those childhood friends want to cling to the person I used to be, not allowing me the room to grow into the person I want to become. This year, I’ve made the decision to put myself first. To be supportive of my friends, but more importantly to be supportive of me. Trusting myself to listen to the dreams in my heart, even though they are incredibly different than what people think I’m supposed to dream, to know that those visions are exactly what I need them to be.

I’m also working on accepting that sometimes small town friends and big city dreams don’t always go hand in hand.

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

2011-01-10T12:49:00.001-05:00

As an avid lover of all things Disney, musical, and live performances, I was elated to receive an invitation to attend opening night of Mary Poppins at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh. The show promised to include some of my favorite songs, a great all-star cast, and a few surprises along the way. On Friday evening, my mom and I were swept away in the magic of childhood dreams, the fun that can happen with a bit of a change in perspective, and the beautiful music that rounds out the play.

The Original National Tour Company of MARY POPPINS perform “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.” ©Disney/CML. Photo by Joan Marcus.

The story unfolds along with the help of Bert the chimney sweep portrayed by Nicolas Dromard, who did a magnificent job of taking theater goers along on the transformation of the Banks family as they go from “Precision and Order” to happily ever after. Of course this transformation wouldn’t take place without the “Practically Perfect” nanny, Mary Poppins (Caroline Sheen) who with a bit of magic and “A Spoonful of Sugar” introduces the Banks children (Camille Mancuso, Cade Cannon Ball) to their imaginations and their standoffish father (Laird Mackintosh). With classic songs such as “Jolly Holiday,” “Feed the Birds,” and “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” the play moved along quickly and provided many opportunities for clapping and toe tapping. The latter song resulted in a fantastically elaborate choreography number that left me wondering how on each the cast managed the dancing and the fast paced spelling of the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. (Hint: The first things that the actors learn during the rehearsal process are the letters for “Supercal…” Traditionally, they spend several hours per day during the first week to learn the complicated choreography.)

The scenery, backdrop, and special effects for the show are nothing short of breathtaking. The Banks house on Cherry Tree Lane unfolds itself like a huge storybook. Bert’s pictures in the park magically come to life along with dancing statues. The bird woman in the square preforms her solo to a magnificent realistic sunset backdrop with flocks of flying birds. Characters pop through chimneys, walk up the sides of the theater walls and tap dance upside down while suspended in the air. As she is leaving the Banks family for good, Mary Poppins actually flies from the stage, out over the orchestra pit, above the audiences’ heads before soaring into the upper parts of the theater and disappearing into the balcony.

As a former tap dancer, the choreographed “Step in Time” scene was absolutely amazing allowing most in the cast to truly showcase their dancing skills and abilities. The costumes were beautiful, particularly the Starlighters’ costumes which included over 800 hand-sewn crystal stars on each individual costume.

If you are in musical theater lover in the Pittsburgh area, have children, or are a child at heart this play is an absolute must. The show will be showing at the Benedum Center through January 23rd. Or visit MaryPoppins.com for more information about the North American tour and plans that are underway for a Canadian Tour.

Disclaimer: I was provided tickets for my mom and I to see the show courtesy of the Pittsburgh Cultural Arts. I was not compensated or required to write a review. All thoughts and opinions expressed in this post are my own.

Book Review:The Wisdom to Know the Difference

2011-01-10T00:36:00.000-05:00

The Wisdom to Know the Difference: When to Make a Change and When to Let Go by Eileen Flanagan is a book based on the serenity prayer....

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Flanagan, a leader in the Quaker community, examines the questions that many of us ask ourselves -- when is enough, enough? When do I let go? When do I hold on? How do I figure this out? Then gives the reader tools and suggestions to achieve a happier life.

The book is divided into seven sections: the courage to question, knowing yourself, seeking divine wisdom, shifting your perspective, practice loving acceptances, letting go of outcomes, and finding wisdom in communities. Throughout these chapters, the authors own story is interwoven with the stories of others. Each section ends with queries, questions that you can ask yourself about your life and your story in order to decide what can be changed and what can't be changed.

In the spirit of being completely honest, I really wanted to be able to embrace this book and its teachings, but in the end, I couldn't. I hold the serenity prayer and the philosophies very close to my heart, my blog name itself comes from the prayer. I seem to be on a never ending quest to "know the difference" and finding the courage to know what I can and cannot change. Many of the stories in the book were tales that I just wasn't able to relate too. I felt as if I was missing a connection because there were too many stories jumbled together to prove a point. The book is approached from a religious standpoint which conflicts a little with my own personal line of thinking-- trust your God who will guide you to the right answer for you. I fully respect this, but from my own personal journey to "know the difference" I've found that the answers come from within me not an outside source. I need to trust myself and search for those answers internally. While the book does provide some great questions to ponder, wading through the rest of the stories was a sometimes arduous task.

Disclosure: I was provided this book to review for TLC Tours by the publisher. However, all thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own.

Embracing the Journey

2011-01-07T01:21:00.000-05:00

One of my goals this year is to embrace the journey. Never one to really make resolutions, this year I have some big things that I want to make happen. Those big things are going to take a lot of focusing, dreaming, and scheming. A lot of looking ahead at the big picture and really planning, which to be honest, isn't always my strongest asset.

via

While I'm working hard to make these dreams and plans a reality, I need to remember to be ok with where I am in the moment. Remembering to savor little moments like making snow balls at midnight under a black velvet sky or having a wine date via video chat with a faraway friend. The little moments are so very easy to take for granted while concentrating on what I want the future to look like. While dreaming of far off places sometimes I forget how wonderful it truly can be where I currently am.

I want to fully embrace the journey on the way to the destination. The twists. The turns. The ups. The downs. Absolutely all of it.

Perhaps

2011-01-02T23:02:00.002-05:00

I rang in the New Year surrounded by my family and the friends that I consider my family.

When the final strains of Auld Lang Syne hung in the air intermingled with the sounds of horns, noise makers, and friends wishing each other a "Happy New Year," I was overcome with emotion. Perhaps it was first seeing my friend in her dress, holding her out at arms length while clasping her hands, telling her how stunningly beautiful she looked. Perhaps it was watching one of my best friends walk down the aisle with her father, hearing her father's voice crack, knowing they were both crying as he gave her away. Perhaps it was watching my friend place a yellow rose on an empty chair in memory and honor of her mother. Perhaps it was her little sister's speech, where she talked about how proud she was and how she always wanted to be just like her beloved big sister.

Perhaps it was knowing that so much is changing, not just my friend getting married, but my life and the lives of my friends & family. Perhaps its that this year will bring new lives, new places, new challenges, new adventures, new perspectives. Perhaps its both fear and excitement of all these changes.

Perhaps its in the fact that no matter what changes happen, no matter what I face, no matter what 2011 brings these people will be with me every single step of the way. Perhaps its knowing that the tears, the laughs, the heartache, the celebrations, the disappointments, the triumphs, the friendships are what makes my life completely spectacular. Perhaps its in appreciating and acknowledging all of these things.

Goodbye to 2010

2010-12-31T00:07:00.000-05:00

I thought I would be sad to see this year go, but I'm ready to welcome 2011 with open arms.

2010 taught me some lessons. Showed me what I was made of. Taught me I could conquer some fears and sent me running from others. I explored new places. Made new friends. Blogger friends became real life friends. I tried. Sometimes failed. I screamed. Cried. Laughed. Forged new bonds. Broke others. Drank a lot of wine. Heard new stories. Stretched my heart. Questioned my beliefs,what I really wanted. Still don't have all the answers. Dreamed bigger. Loved me first.

While it was a great year, I'm ready for more. Ready for what's next. Ready for new dreams, new adventures with friends, and new lessons.

via

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year. Here's to new beginnings, new dreams, and new adventures!!

Review: The Secret Gift

2010-12-27T23:53:00.000-05:00

From the book: Shortly before Christmas 1933 in Depression-scarred Canton, Ohio, a small newspaper ad offered $10, no strings attached, to 75 families in distress. Interested readers were asked to submit letters describing their hardships to a benefactor calling himself Mr. B. Virdot. The author’s grandfather Sam Stone was inspired to place this ad and assist his fellow Cantonians as they prepared for the cruelest Christmas most of them would ever witness.

Moved by the tales of suffering and expressions of hope contained in the letters, which he discovered in a suitcase 75 years later, Ted Gup initially set out to unveil the lives behind them, searching for records and relatives all over the country who could help him flesh out the family sagas hinted at in those letters. From these sources, Gup has re-created the impact that Mr B. Virdot’s gift had on each family. Many people yearned for bread, coal, or other necessities, but many others received money from B. Virdot for more fanciful items-a toy horse, say, or a set of encyclopedias. As Gup’s investigations revealed, all these things had the power to turn people’s lives around- even to save them.

But as he uncovered the suffering and triumphs of dozens of strangers, Gup also learned that Sam Stone was far more complex than the lovable- retiree persona he’d always shown his grandson. Gup unearths deeply buried details about Sam’s life-from his impoverished, abusive upbringing to felonious efforts to hide his immigrant origins from U.S. officials-that help explain why he felt such a strong affinity to strangers in need. Drawing on his unique find and his award-winning reportorial gifts, Ted Gup solves a singular family mystery even while he pulls away the veil of eight decades that separate us from the hardships that united America during the Depression. In A Secret Gift, he weaves these revelations seamlessly into a tapestry of Depression-era America, which will fascinate and inspire in equal measure.

*********

My grandfather was a child during the Great Depression and only recently have I heard him discuss a little of what life was like during that time period. As a history major in college I studied the Great Depression, but never had I read such personal accounts of how people were so affected until I read this book. Gup beautifully and eloquently captures the stories of several people and their families during this dark period of our nation's history while unraveling his own family history.

This book takes the reader back to those hard times when parents had to choose between food and clothing for their children. The reader learned about sacrifices made, the absolute desperateness of situations that many families faced. The Depression had a lasting impact on families for generations. While not solely a Christmas story, its a story that shows the kindness and compassion of individuals that grows out of tough times.

Disclosure: I was provided this book from the publisher to review. The opinions expressed here are strictly my own.

Christmas Wishes For You

2010-12-22T23:40:00.000-05:00

I had grand plans for blogging this week but I've been completely swept up in the holidays -- buying last minute presents, wrangling rolls of wrapping paper, baking one last batch of cookies (which I've done no less than five times now), and trying to get my dog to wear her ridiculous antler headband. I wanted to share some favorite holiday cookie recipes, tell you what my next few days are going to involve (wine, family, food, games -- not necessarily in that order), and write about some favorite holiday memories. Instead, I'll leave you with a few simple Christmas wishes that I have for each of you....

via

I wish for you moments of pure joy with your family and friends. Moments where you are no where but the present moment experiencing emotions in their truest form. Laughter, happiness, and innocence.

I wish for you moments of peace. Quiet reflections in a dark room with only a glow of light from a fireplace or the twinkling lights of a tree to soothe your soul. Peace within your heart if there are any conflicts fluttering about. Peace of mind that things are just as they should be.

I wish for you the power to believe. In yourself. In the kindness of others. In the magic of the holiday season.

Merry Christmas, friends!

Have a wonderful holiday season.

Sometimes I...(Holiday Edition)

2010-12-16T22:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I have really good intentions to blog every day but then get distracted by things like baking Christmas cookies, shopping online, writing out Christmas cards, and watching fun Christmas movies.

Sometimes I turn off all the lights except the Christmas tree lights as they glow against the ornaments, then sit with a glass of wine thinking about the past year, reflecting, and wondering what next year will bring.

Sometimes I get all swept up in fun holiday plans with friend and family. Wine dates? Yes please. Breakfast with long time friends? Sign me up. Movie and game nights? You bet. I love spending time with my favorite people, especially during the holidays.

Sometimes I am in awe at how much butter I use when baking Christmas cookies. A few weeks ago my 14 year old cousin and I did the holiday baking in one day. Over eight hours of mixing, rolling, sugaring, kiss unwrapping, etc. The end result is a freezer full of cookies to give away to friends, take to holiday get togethers, and to the office.

Sometimes I still can't believe that my best friend is getting married on New Year's Eve, I'll be ringing in the new year with some of my favorite friends.

Sometimes I drive past my great grandma's grave at the cemetery to visit her because she was such a huge part of my Christmas Eve memories as a child. I miss her this time of year more than any other.

Sometimes I get teary eyed when I hear certain songs on the radio like a wistful rendition of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I think its lines like "next year we all will be together, if the fates allow." A subtle reminder to soak up every last wonderful moment because no one knows what the next year will bring.

Your turn, fill in the blank Sometimes I________________________ .

Fog

2010-12-12T21:57:00.001-05:00

I spent the majority of last week in a bit of a fog. Early last week, due in large part to a virus, I passed out, cracking my temple extremely hard on a porcelain bathtub knocking myself unconscious which resulted in a concussion.

I spent the majority of the week sleeping, fighting against debilitating headaches, and counting down the hours until I could take the next dose of pain meds. Focusing on one task at a time was taxing, multi-tasking was out of the question. Looking at a computer screen exacerbated the headaches and watching television provided little comfort because it simply moved faster than my brain could keep up.

By the end of the week, the headaches had subsided somewhat but I was still feeling a bit disoriented. I felt as if I was physically there but I wasn't really present, a completely disconcerting feeling. It was as if I was gazing though a thick fog. People and details were hazy. I was seeing, but not really. Showing up but not really participating.

via

In the past few days, things are becoming clearer again. The headaches are almost gone and being in front of the computer doesn't make me want to cry. Prior to last week, I never realized how serious a concussion could be. Its frustrating to not be able to perform simple tasks such as checking your email or driving a car. Its horrible to have a sharp, stabbing pain on the side of your head for several days. Its downright scary to not be fully aware of what's going on around you.

I'm still trying to play catch up and make up for lost time. (Being taken out for a week in December isn't optimal -- there are Christmas cards to write and address, Christmas presents to buy and wrap, and numerous other tasks that need to be accomplished.) I'll be taking some of the reverb10 posts that I missed and writing about them as I can. The plan for the next few weeks is to take it easy and cut myself some slack for the things that I don't get done. And of course, to enjoy the holiday season that seems to be fully underway (while dodging all the hard headed jokes from family and friends).

Have you ever had a concussion, how long did it take you to fully feel back to normal? What have you been up to the past week?

Letting Go: Smashing and Burning

2010-12-05T19:23:00.000-05:00

Over Thanksgiving, I had the opportunity to spend time with some of my closest friends. On a frigidly cold Saturday night I stood with four other women around a fire ring, watching one my friends past go up in flames. Fueled by an overwhelming need to set fire to some particularly painful memories, boxes of mementos were pulled from the attic. One by one, she opened them pulling out bit and pieces of her life that she completely needed to let go of. Pictures, clothing, knickknacks from trips, one by one she tossed them into the pile periodically stopping to douse them in gasoline and strike a match. Wine glasses with names and dates were thrown over the hill, smashed against trees, shattering and splintering into pieces representing promises broken.

via

Standing there in the cold November air, while I didn't physically burn any mementos there were some things in my heart that I needed to release. Watching my friend go through the pain of physically burning and smashing pieces of her past gave me the freedom to release some of my own. Seeing the ashes burning and smoldering reminded me that we can let go and start over again any time we choose.

Moments and Wonder

2010-12-05T11:16:00.000-05:00

The last few reverb10 posts deal with cultivating a sense of wonder and moments in life where one feels absolutely alive. Personally for me the two sort of go hand in hand.

I spent a lot of time feeling alive this past year. Quiet moments in deep reflection where I was so in tune to my needs it shocked me, laughing with friends or my younger cousins while being completely spontaneous, meeting up with blog friends for a bit of an adventure. I also don't take myself (or life for that matter) seriously. Sure there are instances that demand absolute seriousness but more often than not, in the grand scheme of life, most moments aren't as serious as we make them out to be. When you let go of that seriousness, it lets a bit of childlike wonder seep in and take hold.

Yesterday evening was spent with my 15, 14, and 10 year old cousins laughing, shaking my head while completely taking part in their shenanigans. While meandering through the Target Christmas section, the two oldest spontaneously decided to purchase four foot pre-lit Christmas trees and the decorations to adorn the branches. It made me incredibly happy to hear their giggles and excited voices as they made plans to string popcorn. Lately things have been a bit serious for them, so I was glad to be a part of that childlike wonder and excitement they felt.

Later that evening well after midnight, I was standing out on my deck amid swirling snow. The big fat fluffy kind that when they land allow you see every little intricacies of each individual flake. I recalled a childhood memory of running around my grandparents big yard with my grandpa, our tongues sticking out in an attempt to catch a snowflake or two. On a whim, I threw back my head, stuck out my tongue and proceeded to try to catch snowflakes on my tongue. If you've never stood outside in the black of night and tried to catch snowflakes on the tip of your tongue, I highly suggest it.

What sorts of events made you feel alive this year, how did you cultivate a sense of wonder?

Exploration and Advancement

2010-12-01T17:55:00.002-05:00

During this next month I’ll be taking part in Reverb10, a project about devoting some time to reflect on the past year and manifest for the year to come, to send some reverberations into 2011. I tend to become really introspective the last few months of the year, so it all seems quite fitting. There are daily prompts, some of which I’ll use, others I probably won’t, but I do hope that you will follow along. Today’s prompt is one word, choosing one word to sum up the past year and finding a word that I might want to define the next.

In the beginning I thought 2010 was going to be a big year of these huge sweeping changes. If you follow along with this blog, you know that wasn’t necessarily the case. Instead, this year was more about exploration. Not so much physical exploration (although there was a bit of that) but rather serious internal exploration.

There was profound exploration into my heart and soul, delving deep in an attempt to decipher the thoughts and feelings that have been taking shape. It left me attempting to map out a course I want to plot toward a future that’s still currently unknown. There has been a tour of what works and what isn’t going to work (probably a bit more of the latter), sacrifices I’m willing to make and those I’m not, how much work still needs to be done and what might be left for another day. I’ve explored my heart in an effort to find what makes me truly happy, how that happiness might be best achieved, and what I can do to hold on to that happiness that sometimes seems to be too quickly fleeting.

I’ve hunted down what really, truly matters to me and the sort of things I absolutely need in my future life and career– writing, creative thinking, other artistic souls. I’ve dug deep, put myself out there and explored new friendships, found people that share some of the same thoughts, ambitions, passions that I feel. I’ve explored the boundaries of some long time friendships, seeing how far they might let me grow and change or if our friendship will continue on what used to be, our pasts so intertwined that there’s no unraveling those bonds regardless of what the future holds. I’ve started to cautiously explore some familial bridges that haven’t been traversed in quite a while, lightly stepping in a surprising direction I haven’t considered for some time.

Internally exploring to keep my head, heart, and feet all in alignment.

via

As for physical exploration, there was some scouting out of new places and a revisiting of old stomping grounds. Digging around to see if maybe, just maybe, one of those places might be somewhere I want to further explore and possibly live. Of course there’s always the possibility that where I end up might be someplace that’s never appeared on my radar, a wholly unexplored territory I’ve never considered.

The word that I hope to define the up coming year is advancing, advancing forward with these explorations that have taken place, these dreams that have taken hold, and the thoughts that have lifted my spirit. Advancing ahead with plans to make some changes, move someplace new, find a new career to sustain me, to keep trying new things and facing my fears. Advancing the talents I've been been given to somehow make a difference in a way I don't even know yet.

To keep advancing onward to become more of the person I want to be.

What would your words be? Did you do any exploring this year or do you have any plans for advancing in the next year?

To The Ones Who Said Yes

2010-11-23T16:07:00.000-05:00

Over the past few weeks, I’ve read several posts from my friends regarding what they are thankful for this Thanksgiving season. I think it’s very important to take time to recognize the blessings and graces in our lives, so these posts have been among my favorites this month. One of the areas in my life I’m currently most thankful for is the amazing people I’ve been surrounded by for the past several months, whether they are physically close or just close in spirit and thought. They are the ones who encourage me to keep going, the ones who make me laugh, the ones who help dust me off when I’ve fallen, the ones who hold my hand and lead when I can’t see where I’m going. Without these people, surviving the ups and downs of life would hardly matter. This season though I’m particularly thankful to the ones who said yes.

The ones who said yes to new loves, you’ve given me hope that no matter how badly the past may have hurt, opening yourself up to someone is still one of the greatest joys there is.

The ones who said yes to new adventures, whether they are just down your street or halfway across the world, knowing that you have the courage to follow through with new opportunities, cultures, and big life changes gives me the courage to keep stumbling through obstacles and challenges until its time for me to take my own adventure.

The ones who said yes and took the time to meet up with a blogger from the Heartland of Ohio (and in once case let me stay at your home) when it was decided we needed to become friends outside of the blog world. I’ve met such fantastic friends through this little blog and I cherish those friendships more than you probably know.

The ones who said yes, reassuring me that some of the crazy dreams that run through my head are incredibly possible and then spend hours daydreaming and brainstorming with me. The ones who have been willing to listen to me patiently while I ramble on – a convoluted stream of thoughts spilling from my brain that makes absolutely no sense and then somehow help me put those thoughts into some semblance of manageable order.

The ones who said yes, when there were hundreds of reasons to say no, the ones who give so much of themselves and their lives to selflessly serve others in some way. Seeing you put your careers on hold to join the Peace Corps or moving into dangerous neighborhoods others wouldn’t dream of going into, reminds me that this world is about helping others and giving compassionately.

And I’m thankful for you. Yes, you, reading this post right now, who said yes to reading this blog post and the other posts that I write. Without you, this would just be an online journal, but with your input, comments, and thoughts it’s a place that has allowed me to consider thoughts I never previously considered and see beyond my own line of vision. You’ve helped make this a place where I continually come to sort through my thoughts, dream my dreams, and consider the great “what’s next” and for that I am incredibly grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends.

What are you thankful for this holiday season?

A Few Weekend Thoughts

2010-11-22T07:37:00.000-05:00

This weekend was another much needed few days filled with down time. Last week I posted that I was taking a bit of a hibernation from life, I was honestly surprised by some of the comments and emails (all supportive) I received about taking some time out for myself. Most of them stated in one way or another that they don't have time to cancel plans or take some down time. I was feeling much the same way -- I thought I HAD to be at that happy hour, my friends EXPECTED me to be at their get together, and many, many more. The truth is events happened without me, people missed me at one get together or another, but taking some time for myself has been the best thing I could have done for myself. If you're thinking of taking some time for yourself but think that you "don't have time" banish that thought, you absolutely have time, you just have to make it. If you give and give of yourself to others, eventually there isnt going to be anything left to give. Absolutely take some down time for yourself and don't feel guilty about it, you owe it to yourself!

******

This weekend the temperatures were in the 60's. I was beyond thrilled to sit outside on my deck with a book, soaking in some sunshine while reading in mid-November. I wouldn't be opposed to this weather all winter. I know that after today, the weather will be back to more normal 30's and 40's but in the meantime I'm happy to enjoy the warmth. I even took advantage of the unseasonable weather to put the outside Christmas lights up. However, I won't be turning them on until after Thanksgiving.

******

I've managed to get another virus on my computer. One that renders it basically inoperable. So I'm incredibly behind on commenting and keeping in touch via email. My uncle has been incredibly patient with me when I show up at his house with my computer in tow.

Now tell me, what did you do this weekend?

Review: Everything I Never Wanted to Be

2010-11-17T09:42:00.000-05:00

From the book: Everything I Never Wanted to Be by Dina Kucera is the true story of a family's battle with alcoholism and drug addiction. Dina's grandparents were alcoholics, her father was an alcoholic, she is an alcoholic and pill addict, and all three of her daughters struggle with alcohol and drug addiction--including her youngest daughter, who started using heroin at age fourteen. Dina's household also includes her husband and his unemployed identical twin; a mother who has Parkinson's disease; a grandson who has cerebral palsy; and other people who drift in and out of the household depending on their employment situation or rehab status. On top of all that, Dina is trying to make it as a stand-up comic and author so she can quit her crumby job as a grocery store clerk. Through it all, Dina does her best to hold her family together, keep her faith, and maintain her sense of humor. As you might imagine, a story filled with alcoholics and drug addicts includes a number of horrific events. But in the end, Everything I Never Wanted to Be is an uplifting story that contains valuable lessons for parents and teens alike, and a strong message about the need to address the epidemic of teen drug addiction in our nation. It's a book that can change behavior and save lives--and make you laugh along the way.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book. How could one struggle with so much pain and suffering in her life, yet still find the good and humor in the situation? That is exactly what Kucera has accomplished with her memoir. She explores her past battles with addiction while trying to help each of her children as they battle their own personal demons. Intertwined with humor, this book propels the reader forward from one obstacle to the next through the entirety of her story. From a family trip to Disneyland, to Thanksgiving with a new-found stepson and her youngest daughter’s long battle with heroine addiction, Kucera displays strength and resolve to keep going, to put one foot in front of the other, and to keep on fighting.

The book was incredibly inspiring, portraying to readers many valuable lessons. You can make things happen; you just have to keep fighting. If someone tells you no, keep asking until you find someone to say yes. If you have to hit rock bottom, then hit it but never stop looking up. Even after doing everything in your power to make a situation better, sometimes you just have to hope and have faith. Never stop living, even when the tides don’t turn your way.

I greatly appreciated and admired the author’s honesty and frankness about her past and her current situation. She doesn’t try to sugarcoat certain instances and I enjoyed the book more because of it. Perhaps she sums up her thoughts best when she writes, “Most people don’t have a clear, clean and happy ending to the traumatic events in their life. I’ve had to learn to live within the trauma. Live a life while the events are happening.” This honest memoir is one best books I’ve read in recent months and I highly recommend reading it.

For more on the author, please visit her website. Get 30% off Dina's book at http://www.everythinginever.com/ by entering coupon code "Dina" at checkout.

Disclosure: I was provided this book to review for TLC Tours by the publisher. However, all thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own.

Giving In To My Inner Hermit

2010-11-14T23:18:00.002-05:00

For the past few weeks I've been edgy, crabby, and at times downright unpleasant. I blamed it on lack of sleep and spreading myself too thin. Last Tuesday, without a second thought, I completely cleared my schedule for the next few weeks with the exception of hanging out with my cousin and seeing the new Harry Potter movie at midnight on Thursday with a friend. I knew some friends were going to be disappointed but they thankfully understood.

When life gets too busy, when I'm being pulled in different directions, and when I'm feelings all out of sorts I tend to shut down, pulling way back to recharge and take inventory of what I really need to be doing. My down time these past few days has involved a Harry Potter marathon with my 15 year old cousin, baking lots of delicious treats, and losing myself in the words of books that have sat a little too long on my shelf. I've taken to my journal, jotting down thoughts and feelings. I've gotten swept away watching bad television and rediscovered the joy of napping, a short half hour siesta right after work does wonders for my evening productivity.

via

I've completely given in to my inner hermit. And I love it. Curling my fingers around a hot beverage, wrapped up in a blanket, reading is my own personal remedy for the busy-ness of life and I've been indulging in it. I've been refocusing, dreaming, and reassessing. I've been going to bed at a decent hour and at times ignoring the outside world for hours at a time, existing entirely in my own little world. While my head and my heart aren't in balance yet, I'm getting there. Taking a bit of a time out is what I needed right in this moment. In another week or so, the holiday season kicks off with Thanksgiving giving way to a flurry of friends, out of town family, Christmas and a best friends New Years Eve wedding. There will be plenty of time for togetherness and social interaction, but for the next several days I'm just going to continue my hibernation.

Shifting

2010-11-10T07:37:00.000-05:00

Lately it feels as if there is a lot of shifting going on in my life. There's a shift in the weather as the cold hand of winter cleverly, slowly reaches out in the middle of night, leaving a chill in the air and layers of frost on car windshields. With the end of day light savings time there has been a shift in time. I'm always thrown off for the first week or so when I walk out of my office building into the dark evening. There are some shifts in some of my local friendships. Some of my friends are planning for big huge life events (wedding! baby!) and while I'm excited for those friends, their current main focus in life isn't mine. My priorities are shifting, I'm less inclined to participate in nights out at crowded bars with a large group of acquaintances, instead opting for an all day Harry Potter Marathon viewing with my cousin who is recuperating from her surgery. I'm needing to put my needs before others, and that's not something thats always easy for me.

Perhaps the biggest shift of all is my mentality. By nature, I'm someone who wants to help, who wants to fix the situation when its gone wrong. The past few weeks I've watched as some of my close family and friends have made decisions that I don't think are healthy or wise. I've needed to let that go, which is a lot harder to do than it should be sometimes. I've had to accept that I don't have all the right answers. I don't always know the right thing to say. I just can't be everything to everybody like I've been trying to do.

And that needs to be ok, to be enough.

South Pacific

2010-11-04T15:13:00.001-05:00

The last time I saw a production of South Pacific, I was twelve years old. I sat on a prop box in the wings, hunched over my arms which were resting on my knees being completely swept away by the sights and sounds of the local theater actors. Had someone not poked me in the back, I’m fairly certain I would have missed my stage entrance.

On Tuesday night, I had the privilege of attending opening night of South Pacific, performed at Pittsburgh’s Benedum Center. From the first strains of the overture to the end of the curtain call, I was completely enthralled, much more so than my twelve year old self, watching from the wings. The music, the lyrics, the actors’ performances all combined to bring to life James Michener’s tale of life on a remote island in an unknown culture during wartime. Most recognized for its amazing score – “Some Enchanted Evening,” “Bali Ha’i,” “Younger Than Springtime,” “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair,” and “I’m in Love With a Wonderful Guy,” the orchestra and actors didn’t disappoint when delivering these Broadway standards.

David Pittsinger’s portrayal of Emile de Becque, the Frenchman plantation owner who captures the heart of small-town cockeyed optimist Ensign Nellie Forbush (played by Carmen Cusack), was nothing short of phenomenal. His rich baritone voice (seriously swoon-worthy) and eloquently delivered lines had me wishing I was the one he wanted to whisk away to a plantation high in the hills of the lush, beautiful island of Bali Ha’i. Another cast favorite, for me, was Bloody Mary, played by Jodi Kimura. Kimura captivated the audience as the humorous, eccentric Tonkinese woman who sells native trinkets to the American stationed on the island and wishes for her beautiful daughter, Liat (portrayed by Sumie Maeda) to marry the handsome American lieutenant Joseph Cable (played by Anderson Davis). Her rendition of “Bali Ha’i” was hauntingly beautiful and one of the highlights of the show. Adding laughs and mischief to the story line were the Seabees and nurses who rounded out the cast.

The themes of falling hopelessly in love during unpredictable circumstances, life in a new culture, and facing ones own prejudices are as relatable today as they were when they play first debuted back in 1949. The entire cast did an amazing job of transporting the audience to a little remote island in the South Pacific during World War II. It most certainly was “Some Enchanted Evening.”

South Pacific will be playing at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh until November 7th and is currently touring across the nation. If the show stops in your city, I highly recommend spending an evening seeing this incredible play.

Disclaimer: The Pittsburgh Cultural Trust provided me with two tickets to see the show, but all opinions and thoughts expressed here are my own.

Friends, Family and Apple Butter

2010-11-02T16:01:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the Universe throws life out of whack, which leaves me feeling out of sorts, tired and all around cranky. That’s sort of what happened in October. One of events I was most looking forward to last month though was Becky’s visit and making apple butter with my grandpap. There’s nothing like friends and family traditions to help restore a sense of peace.

The plot was hatched for Becky to come for the almost annual (depending on my grandpap’s apple crop) apple butter making festivities sometime back in June. Even though the spring frost had destroyed most of his apple crop, my grandpap assured me he would find some apples and the time to make apple butter for my city friend who had never experienced “real” apple butter made from a copper kettle over an open flame. Basically, in my family, it’s the only apple butter we eat; so to us it’s the only “real” apple butter that’s acceptable. No apples? I’d rather wait another year for my grandpap’s apple butter than try something store bought. Apple butter making usually draws a crowd but due in part to my cousins surgery, there were fewer numbers of us this year, but we still had a grand time.

My Pap loves an audience, so having Becky around for the day was incredibly enjoyable for him (and for the rest of us too!). When he found out she brought her camera to take pictures and her Flip camera, he wasted no time in telling her what she would want to take pictures of and explaining the process of what he was doing when the camera was out. You can see some of the videos over on Becky’s blog. Throughout the day, my grandfather told some stories I knew he would tell, shared a few things I hadn’t heard before, and offered up some advice to my brother (something he always does). He pulled out the news clipping from the local paper who ran a story about him making apple butter from 20 years ago. He even let Becky stir the apple butter for a few minutes (getting to stir the apple butter is reserved only for those deemed worthy enough) and made her the official taste tester to make sure there was enough cinnamon and sugar added to the mix. If you’ve never tasted applesauce or apple butter from a hot kettle on a cool fall morning you have no idea what you’re missing.

My brother stirring the apple butter while my grandpap watches. Picture by Becky.

The day was wonderful, as apple butter making always is. There were laughs all around as Becky learned that a carhart was a jacket and as she explained what a townhouse was to my 14 year old cousin (who said, “ummm, we only have houses here”) who never really did quite grasp the concept. I may or may not have poked fun at Becky for locking the door to my house at 7:00 on a Saturday morning when people were still inside (small town living doesn’t require you really lock your doors a whole lot).

At the end of the day, we were all thoroughly exhausted, wind burnt, full of great food (most importantly apple butter and ritz crackers), and I felt like life was a bit right again. Spending the day with friends and family was exactly what I needed to help slow my thoughts, take some stresses off my mind, and take some deep breaths. It’s so easy to see the beauty in your own life when you’re seeing it through the eyes of a visiting friend.

A Fall Tradition

2010-10-28T22:06:00.000-05:00

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers for my cousin. I appreciate them so very much. She can now focus on healing and her recovery.

There were many fall Saturdays of my childhood devoted to the art of apple butter making. Family and friends would gather, my grandfather would pull out his big copper kettle, a fire would be lit. The entire day would be spent at my grandparents house outside surrounded by loved ones laughing, talking, reminiscing. My grandfather, one of his trusted friends, or an uncle would use a long wooden paddle to stir the apple sauce, then the apple butter over an open fire. The scent of cooking apples and fire wood intermingling in the air an all too familiar scent, the clanking of jars and lids being prepared for the canning process filling in the background noise of the day. One of my favorite parts of the day was eating the fresh apple sauce as my grandfather ran the hot sauce through a processor separating out the skins from the apple sauce. I'm still convinced that hot apple sauce tastes best on a crisp, cool autumnal day fresh from a copper kettle.

I'm so excited that this weekend my friend, Becky, will be coming to visit to partake in this special family tradition. It often slips my mind that most people don't have grandfather who makes apple butter the old fashioned way, so I'm looking forward to having her here to experience the day first hand. The weather is going to be gorgeous. The jars have been purchased and I'll be spending the majority of Friday morning quartering apples with my grandpap. I can almost taste the fresh apple butter that I'll have at the end of the day on Saturday.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and make some fun memories, friends! Tell me, what do you have planned?