Knowing The Difference

Filling In

2010-02-08T09:00:00.002-05:00

I'm over here today talking about my friendship with one of my most favorite people.

Peace, Clarity, Calmness

2010-02-06T18:30:00.002-05:00

I'm generally not a big fan of snow. Surprisingly, I was excited at the prospect of a Nor'easter that was on target to hit my small town this weekend. I was yearning to be snowed in, to have the excuse to not go anywhere, a reason to tap into my inner hermit and just hibernate. Several inches of snow fell over night quietly covering my little world while I slept. There is something magical about a thick blanket of freshly fallen snow, the way it creates a stillness and softness.

Instead of going out to curse the snow for prohibiting me to get to one place or another, I was able to fully appreciate the simple beauty of Mother Nature's efforts. I took in the sight of evergreen branches sagging under the weight of the heavy, wet snow. I noticed the way the snow decorated the barren arms of the tree and lazily drifted against the brick wall across the street. I stood in the middle of the freshly covered street just breathing in the cold, crisp scent of winter.

There is a great feeling of solitude while taking it all in with only my dog for company. While I didn't go far, being out communing with the elements brought me a sense of peace and clarity, as it usually does. Being outside this morning helped put my senses back in order. My thought process slows down, my mind clears, and I slowly feel my weary spirit become fully restored. I stood in the middle of the street for several minutes, hugging myself against the cold. I simply closed my eyes, aware of nothing but the sound my own breathing, almost immediately feeling a penetrating calmness settle over my soul.

"Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul." ~John Muir

Sometimes I...

2010-02-03T23:21:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am shocked by my own mood swings. A few times this week I've gone from high highs to crashing lows.

Sometimes I get comepletely ahead of myself, regardless of telling myself over and over I'm going to take things one step at a time.

Sometimes I buy fun kitchen gadgets like this, as a way to get myself to eat more apples; then throw it across the kitchen when I cut my hand on it.

Sometimes I need to freak out (complete with the ugly cry) to reach a new level of understanding.

Sometimes I become indescribably proud when my little cousin sends me text messages telling me about her new found love of reading and the books she's been devouring.

Sometimes I have to have heart to hearts with my best friends because they "get me" in ways that other people don't.

Sometimes I am required to face some hard truths about myself, even if I don't want to, its only then that I discover what really makes me me.

Sometimes I want to cut my hair off into a real style but I know myself well enough to know that I would get tired of it after a week. I have commitment issues.

Sometimes I have to step away from everything in order to find my balance.

Sometimes I make my head hurt from thinking so hard; then I take a nap.

Sometimes I clearly define what it is I want for my life and become really excited about making it happen.

Sometimes I become so obsessed with Criminal Minds that I watch it three nights in a row on a channel that shows 4 episodes a night.

Sometimes I stay up until 2AM watching this show and then sleep with the light on because it scares the crap out me.

Sometimes I am so thankful for my friends who listen to my crazy rants, jumbled ramblings, and incoherent thoughts that I don't know how I'll ever repay them.

Sometimes I actually get excited about the prospect of being snowed in for the entire weekend.

Your turn, fill in the blank. Sometimes I _________________________________.

Fog

2010-02-01T00:35:00.001-05:00

My small town along the river, nestled into a little valley, is no stranger to fog. Sometimes in the early morning hours while I'm driving to work the river appears to be on fire, the fog rolling off the riverbank like smoke. Other times, a thick heavy fog settles in, the kind that that greatly reduces visibility in all directions.

For the past few weeks, I've felt like I was trapped in a thick fog, that at times I wasn't able to see my own arm stretched out in front of me. A combination of events left me feeling emotionally and physically drained, so I decided to step away for a bit. I needed to rest my soul and spirit, to allow my emotional well (which had been sucked dry) to fill up again. I needed to find my way though the undesirable fog that had so quietly and unknowingly seeped into my life.

via

Thankfully after a week away, the fog is lifting and I'm feeling much more like my usual self. I no longer feel as if I'm moving ahead blindly, but have instead greatly improved my visability. I've regained my balance and found my center. I am ready to move ahead into February refreshed, refocused, and reenergized.

Thank you to my wonderful friends Amber, Chickbug, Lisa, and Kay who all filled in for me. I truly appreciated your posts and your willingness to step in on such short notice.

Happiness Now

2010-01-29T05:00:00.001-05:00

Today's guest post was written by *Kay from Apartment #412 and Ice Cream & Peonies.

Hi Mandy's readers! As you're probably aware, Mandy is on a much deserved week-long blogging break. I've been reading Knowing The Difference for probably over a year & it has become one of my most favourite blogs. I can say, without a doubt, that over this year Mandy has become one of my closest 'blog friends' so when she asked me if I'd contribute a post here while she's taking a break I of course agreed! I've never guest posted before (keeping both of my blogs Apartment #412 and Ice Cream & Peonies updated is a fun handful) so I stressed about what to write about for a few days & then something came to me, something I'd actually discussed with Mandy via one of our g-chats, so I wanted to share it here with you all.

Delaying pleasure/enjoyment/satisfaction until the "perfect/right" moment. Why do we do this? We know we want to do something, achieve something, heck buy something but we wait because the moment or something - isn't “perfect.” Now, I'm not necessarily talking about big life changing decisions (though it certainly applies). I'm talking about the smaller, day-to-day things, the simple things that could bring us pleasure or joy or make our day that much more brighter. Example? Sure! For Christmas my cousin & his girlfriend bought me small portable speakers I could attach to my iPod. I loved it. I immediately thought I would put it in my bathroom so that, you know, I could create a 'shower playlist' and sing at the top of my lungs. But I didn't have the perfect spot in my bathroom - so I thought "I'll put it in my bedroom." But I don't have a dresser yet...or night tables...so I didn't have a perfect spot there either. So I left the speakers, in their box, on the floor....waiting until I had the perfect place to set it. I looked at them every day & thought how great they’d look - when I had the perfect spot. I envisioned myself getting dressed in the morning & dancing to whatever had popped up thanks to the shuffle feature. Every time I took a shower I thought "I could be listening to some Lady Gaga or Jay-Z" right now. I even went as far as putting my iPhone on speaker and putting it really close to the tub so I could try and hear the music over the shower - it wasn't working...plus I worried about getting water on it. Finally, about a week ago - I said "screw it" I put 1 speaker on the top of the toilet bowl (I have a tray on the bowl), plugged it in, connected my iPod & BLASTED music. It was the BEST. I was SO happy. "Why didn't I do this sooner?" I thought. “What was I waiting for?”

So I guess what I'm saying is: don't put off your happiness for tomorrow when you can have it today...when you can have it now. Especially if it's a little thing. Have beautiful images or artwork that you're waiting to get framed before you hang & enjoy them? Heck, tack 'em up & enjoy them now*! Waiting to lose "the last 5 pounds**" before you get that hair cut you've wanted forEVER? Come on - go for it!

Any thing(s) you can do now...today...to make you happier? Even something seemingly small (like my speakers)? I’d love to know!

*just please do eventually frame them...because, you know, it'll look better in a frame ;)

**though I am waiting until I lose "the last 15 pounds" before I buy a new wardrobe. I know, I know...

What Are We Waiting For?

2010-01-28T05:00:00.007-05:00

Today's guest post was written by Lisa from Lisa's Yarns.

“Often people attempt to live their lives backward; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” ~ Margaret Young

This was the quote on my page-a-day calendar earlier this month; I have been mulling over it since reading it. I think many of us are guilty of this – at least I know I am. It seems like we are always living for ‘someday’.

Someday, I will rent a flat in the Marais district of Paris for a week.

Someday, I will buy new furniture – but not until I have moved out of my condo and into a house.

Someday, I will figure out which job would maximize my strengths and not keep me up at night, stressing.

The list could go on and on. There is nothing wrong with these lofty someday goals – so long as we don’t wake up at 30 or 50 or 70 and find that we haven’t accomplished them – or at least made an effort to accomplish them.

I fear that by the time I am in the position to take that trip to Paris, my lifestyle will no longer accommodate it. Maybe I will have a couple of kids at home or I will be caring for a sick parent.

When I look back in 20 years, will I still be glad that I set aside so much in savings or will I wish I had splurged and sent myself on the trip of a lifetime?

This excerpt from a forward I recently received has me thinking I won’t regret taking that trip…

“Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round?
Or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butter fly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask, 'How are you?'
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed?
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.'
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?
Just call to say 'Hi?

When you worry and hurry through your day,
it is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away...
Life is not a race. Take it slower.
Hear the music before the song is over.”

What are you doing to make sure you “hear the music before the song is over”?

Chickbug's Back, But Only For A Day

2010-01-27T08:47:00.000-05:00

This guest post was written by my friend, Chickbug, who so kindly came out of retirement when I asked if she would fill in for a day.

Almost three years ago I started a blog and almost three weeks ago I ended it. And in these three weeks I have felt completely lost. It was like my best friend just disappeared without warning. Except I did have warning. I thought long and hard about the decision to stop blogging. And while I do think I made the best decision...I didn't know it would be so hard! And so I want to take this opportunity to write mini-one sentence blogs on everything that has been floating around in my head during my blog withdrawal.

- I want to set resolutions for 2010 but I'm feeling too disconnected with myself to consider what those goals should be.

- I'm 31 and made out with a 40-year-old on NYE...what should my age limit be?

- My anxiety has come back full throttle and I have had to work hard to not feel defeated by it.

- The 40-year-old is just not that into me.

- But Stella feels like she has her groove back.

- The Hangover, Avatar, Glee and Sandra Bullock should not have won Golden Globes (in my opinion).

- I need to stop talking about how much I love my job because I feel as if it annoys people.

- Should I go back into therapy?

I miss you guys. Thanks Mandy, for letting me back into the cool crowd for a day.

On The Type of Friend I Am

2010-01-26T05:00:00.001-05:00

Hello, it’s Amber from Girl with the Red Hair guest blogging for Mandy today!

When I think of Mandy’s blog the themes of friends and friendship really resonate with me. Maybe it’s because Mandy’s such a wonderful blog friend (probably) or maybe it’s because of her Lasting Impressions series (which I’m so excited for).

So today, I’ve decided to write about the type of friend that I think I am.

I am the type of friend who will be there for you whether you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to give you advice or just someone to listen.

I am the type of friend who will always think logically but will still occasionally go along with your craziest plan.

I am the type of friend that worries when you make some decisions, but usually will not say anything and let you go your own way.

I am the type of friend that enjoys nights in or drinks and girl talk over crazy nights at the bar.

I am the type of friend that sucks at keeping in touch, but will try my best through means like Facebook and texting.

I am the type of friend that gives hugs.

I am the type of friend that forgives too quickly.

I am the type of friend that never gets in the middle and does not enjoy drama.

I am not the type of friend that will be up for anything; if you call me last minute to go to the bar or a party I will likely turn you down. Especially if I’m already settled in for the night.

I am the type of friend that would pick you up from above mentioned bar or party when you call for a ride at 2 AM.

I am the type of friend who will try to get along with your spouse. Even if I think he’s a loser.

I am the type of friend who is quiet at first. Get to know me and you’ll see that I’m really not quiet at all.

I am the type of friend who thinks about, worries about and values all of you dearly. Even if I don’t always show it.

What type of friend are you?

All Over The Place

2010-01-25T00:52:00.000-05:00

For the past few weeks my head and my heart have been in two different places. My head races though a multitude of projects I need to tackle, for one reason or another my heart hasn't been up to the challenge. I've felt distracted, unsure, and even perhaps a tad bit melancholy. While I hoped and tried to chalk it up to the weather, I know thats not the only thing bothering me.

Typically when I need to sort things out my first inclination is to sit and write. Writing allows me to get my thoughts out of my head, so I can visualize what it is I'm thinking and feeling. However, it seems every time I sit down to type out my thoughts I stare at the white, blank screen with the blinking cursor far too long before wandering off to Facebook or twitter. The words just don't come as readily as they should. Writing is my release. In this moment however, while my head tells me I should write, my heart just isn't feeling it.

Its tough to write when your head and heart aren't in the same place. That said, I've decided to step away from my blog for a week or so. I feel like I need to regroup and refocus. I need to get my head in order. I need to release some things from my heart. But most importantly, I need to get the two reigned in, back to the same place. Thankfully, I have some wonderful friends who I called upon last week for help. They'll be sharing some of their thoughts with you over the next few days while I work on getting my head and heart cohesively functioning together instead of being at odds.

Lasting Impressions Round Two

2010-01-20T21:36:00.000-05:00

Last year, I ran a series on the blog called "Lasting Impressions." I've been thinking its time to resurrect the series. Lasting Impressions were your stories about friendships. The series ran for several months and no two stories were alike, all were relate able. If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you know my friendships are among the most treasured relationships in my life. Lasting Impressions are stories about those people who, whether in your life for a moment or a lifetime, in some way changed your life. Maybe they are your sister, brother, significant other, a childhood friend, a mentor, a perosn who may have only come in random contact with.

I’d like to hear about your friendships. What made them stronger, what ended them? How do you celebrate your friendships? What are your favorite memories from childhood friendships? How do you define friendship? How do you deal with hard friendships? Simply anything you want to talk about regarding friendships. Friends are something that we all have and we’ve all dealt with.

Even if you submitted a story last year, would you consider writing another one? If you weren't part of the series last year, would you consider contributing this year? The posts will go up on Fridays. Once I find out who is interested, I'll make up a schedule and let you know when I would need your post submitted by.

So what do you say, who's in?

Long Distance Friends

2010-01-18T19:06:00.001-05:00

There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound. ~Diana Cortes

I've been thinking a lot about my friendships both old and new. The people I consider my friends are those that have grown up with me in some way. Maybe they are a childhood friend. One who spent countless nights sleeping over tucked into sleeping bags and struggling to stay awake past midnight. Or maybe they are a cherished friend from my teenage years when I experienced my first heartache, celebrating high school milestones like driving around town just because we could with our newly laminated drivers licenses, and moving the tassles on our graduation caps. Then I have my beloved college friends who saw me through all nighters, semesters I thought would never end, fun nights out on the town when I drank a little too much, and stayed in touch after we all went separate ways no long living down the hall from each other.

I have been incredibly lucky to find some amazing people through this little space I've carved out for myself here online. Friends who call to ask if everything is ok when I've been offline for a while. Friends who send text messages just telling me to have a great day. Friends I can spend hours discussing everything from the latest book we're both reading to plans or fears for the future. Most of these friends I've never met face to face but that doesn't make them any less real to me. They are friends who are growing with me as I gain the confidence to go after my dreams, the ones who encourage me to keep going when I think it would be easier to give up, the ones who email me excatly when I need a smile. They are the ones who send me text messages with funny messages that only we would understand. They are the ones who send cards in the mail when I least expect it.

My long distance friends are people I consider to be among my nearest and dearest, among those closest to my heart. They are friendships that are a bit unconventional in that they are based on reading the others innermost thoughts and emotions that a lot of us don't discuss in every day conversations. They are friendships that take more effort to maintain because often they span several states and sometimes other countries, the phone conversations and skype dates sometimes have to be planned days in advance and always leave me feeling a bit happer, my heart a little bit lighter.

Even though I may not share every day moments like spontaneous coffee dates or marathon sessions of Rock Band, I share a different part of myself with my long distance friends. All of my friends hold a special place in my heart, but I'm realizing how important my long distance friends have become as premanent fixtures in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Making Me Happy

2010-01-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks have been difficult. My mood has been down right gray, much like the long winter days that have settled in over my small town. I don't do cold very well; lately its become more and more evident that I need to live in a warmer climate. A place where I don't have to scrape snow and ice off my windshield on a daily basis. A place where I can actually walk outside, not just shuffle along over slush and salt.

Today the sun came out and my spirits were infinitely lifted. I've come to the conclusion seeing the sun on a nearly daily basis is vital to my existence. It makes me happy. Therefore, I'm sharing a few other things that basically made my day today:

* Going to the card store on my lunch hour to buy some random cards to send to my friends. Sending mail when its least expected is fun for me and I hope brightens the day of the friend who receives it. I also love finding the perfect card for the perfect person. I may have laughed out loud once or twice in the store. Do I have your address to send you a card?

* While in the grocery store this song came over the speakers.
I've seen Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons in concert before and this song always makes me smile. I may or may not have busted out some dance moves in the middle of the aisle. By may or may not have, I mean I totally did. Sometimes you just have to dance, even if it means strange looks from the other people buying cereal.

* Starbucks white chocolate mocha with raspberry flavoring. Enough said.

* Text messages and email exchanges with friends that just made my heart happier. A year or so ago I didn't know these great friends that I've met because of this little space on the internet and now I count them among my most trusted confidants.

* I'm currently watching The Goonies with my brother. Regardless of how many times I've seen this movie I will always stop what I am doing an watch. One of the best movies ever!

Whats making you happy today?

Sense of Direction

2010-01-12T12:00:00.000-05:00

I have a horrible sense of direction. I’ve never been able to read a map (or fold one, but that’s another blog). If I’m away from the river I have no knowledge of north or south, and generally describe east and west as “this way” or “that way.” Knowing my lack of directional sense and fearing for my life when I once told her about getting lost in a big city, for Christmas this year my mom gave me a new GPS that has all sorts of fancy additional things it does besides just get me to where I want to go. The first thing I had to program after taking it out of the box was my home address, so at least I can rest assured that no matter how lost I get, I will always be able to find my way home.

The past few weeks, I’ve been feeling a bit lost and unsure about which direction to head. I’ve never been one for clear cut paths or pre-planned routes, instead believing in my heart that some of the best parts of the journey can be found when they are just stumbled upon. I’ve often just left myself wide open for new experiences and destinations. The past few days I find myself wishing that I had a GPS for my life. That I could plug in some coordinates, hit a few buttons like “fastest route” or “least toll roads” and my journey would be mapped out for me down to every single twist, turn, and exit ramp. On the other hand, that sounds incredible dull and I would probably feel like I was missing out on some great unknown off the beaten path.

I just know I want something different than I have now. I’m ready for it. I’m working toward that and doing the necessary things to try to get to that next step, even though I’m not exactly sure where or what direction that may lead.

I’ve always said that I don’t mind being lost, because it allows me to see things I might not have seen and end up places I might not have been. The truth is though, right now, in this very moment, that I wouldn’t mind having just a little bit of an idea where I was going.

Sledding Down The Hill On Backpacks

2010-01-08T00:32:00.001-05:00

On the mornings of two hours delays, my childhood friend and I would bound out the kitchen door of my home, setting off for the 15 minute trek to school. Giggling would ensue at our snow pants that wooshed with each step, the heavy boots on our feet, the furry hats with ear flaps that tied under our chins. Our teasing and taunting each other muffled by the scarves wrapped tightly around necks two or thee times covering our nose and mouth.

Walking down my hill was no easy feat. The bulkiness of our snow attire gave us funny waddles as we attempted to maneuver ourselves ever so carefully down the steep terrain, shuffling along in the middle of the road between the tire tracks. It was always better to walk between the tire tracks because powered snow was better for traction than the packed down ice that would be peaking through the grayed cinders. Inevitably, one or both of us would always veer off to the left or right, our feet catching a patch of ice that would send us sliding.

One morning, the two of us decided that if we were going to slide down the hill, we might as well do it in style. At the crest of the hill, out of sight from the kitchen window I knew my mom watched us from, she and I would plunk our backpacks on the ground, one in each slick tire track. Settling ourselves down and tightly gripping the arm straps, with a few kicks of our legs we would fly down the hill. The ice glistening in the morning sunlight, trees and neighborhood houses swiftly passing our peripheral vision the two of us would tumble into a laughing heap at the foot of the hill. Our new found method of travel shaved minutes off our walk and was incredibly much more fun. A favorite childhood memory was born, often repeated every single snow delay day for the rest of my elementary school career. Those simple carefree child-like moments seem like a lifetime ago.

This week I've been distracted from everyday life and my heart has been heavy as I learned that a dear blogging friend's courageous battle with cancer is, in all likelihood, coming to an end. For the past eight months she has fought like hell with an unparalleled grace for the sake of her husband, five year old son, parents, sister, and niece. My prayers for healing have since turned to prayers of comfort and peace. My heart is breaking for her family.

Looking out the window tonight with tears in my eyes, I can see that very same hill with fresh tire tracks running through the newly fallen snow. I'm tempted to find a backpack, walk to the crest of the hill then simply sit down and slide recapturing that free feeling of rushing down the hill without a care in the world.

I can almost hear the vinyl against the icy concrete and the sound of childhood laughter hanging in the chilled air.

Put It In Second

2010-01-05T00:13:00.001-05:00

This morning as I was attempting to navigate down my steep freshly snow covered ~~mountain~~ hill, I heard my grandfathers voice in my head--"Put it in second, Mandy." My grandfather has been telling me to put my car in second gear to go down my hill for as long as I've been driving, it holds the car back so I don't have to rely on the brakes as much.

Over the years my grandfather has offered up all sorts of valuable information. Things like:

Never buy an extended warranty. (The original warranty is long enough, if it breaks after that fix it or buy a new one, things today aren't built to last like they used to be.)

Never buy a brand new car. (They depreciate in value as soon as you drive them off the lot.)

Don't pay someone for something you can do yourself. (The man is 73 and has never paid to have his oil changed.)

Change your wiper blades twice a year. (He noticed the last time he rode with me that I didnt follow this one too well.)

It can always be fixed. (Regardless of what it is, there is always a way to repair it, even if it means making a a new part.)

Thats what Grandpap's are for. (Usually said to me after either fixing my car, helping me figure my way out of a problem, or just getting my grandma off my back about the fact that I'm not married or with child.)

While I appreciate him for all the gems he's passed along, one of the biggest reasons I love him is for what he doesn't say. If I've ever disappointed him, he's never voiced it. If he's ever disagreed with a big decision I've made, he's never told me what I should have done. I know by his sly smile he tries to hide when I've done or said something that amuses him. I know he's proud of me by the way he stands with his shoulders back and the look in his eyes, the way they crinkle at the sides behind his glasses.

He brought me an Incredible Green Hulk sucker when I was five and had the chicken pox, because he knew that I favored the Green Hulk over the Easter Bunny. We used to spend hours at the dam and along the river looking for tennis or golf balls, I don't know why but I loved those moments. After Sunday dinner at my great grandmas house he would take my brother and I to the "beach" (which was just a gravely area along the river) to teach us how to skip stones. During my early childhood, when I spent the night, he would take me to get an ice cream cone at this little shop and let me get two scoops even though he knew I couldn't finish it. He sat through countless dance recitals, plays, honorary inductions, and graduations for me. When I went to college he never complained about lugging furniture or carrying boxes up flights of stairs to my dorm room on the top floor. Once when he found out I was throwing a party when my parents were out of town, he gave me a jug of some alcoholic concoction he'd made, telling me to "go easy" on it and have a good time. He winks at me and laughs when I ask him what he wants to drink then bring him a beer without waiting for the answer because I know my house is one of the few places he'll actually drink one. He calls me when he wants to look something up on the internet or to request that I make him peanut brittle.

I've never had to seek his approval, I just know I've always had it--steadfast and unwavering.

He's the reason I slip the car into second gear when driving down my hill on snowy days.

Passions and Dreams

2009-12-31T11:59:00.001-05:00

As 2009 is waning, I've been thinking about the past year and decade. For me, 2009 had the potential to be a not so fantastic time for one reason or another, but quite honestly, I didn't let it. While there were some internal struggles, 2009 was the year I learned to LIVE despite everything -- to keep moving forward, that its ok to put myself first sometimes, that the most important thing is to simply be present in the moment.

Last week, Kay sent me a Christmas card in which she had written a very simple yet profound message that I want to define both 2010 and the next decade. In fact, its my wish for every single one of you reading this:

"Let's make 2010 the year we both embrace our passions and follow our dreams."

I hope we can all follow our hearts, start living for ourselves, and work to make our passions and dreams a reality. Have a very Happy New Year and may 2010 be the best yet.

Sometimes I

2009-12-30T00:40:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just need to spend some time cleaning the "stuff" from my life-- both literally and figuratively. Over the past three days I've filled garbage bag upon garbage bag with things that for some reason I felt the need to hang on to. While I am far from a hoarder, I do have trouble of letting go sometimes.

Sometimes I need to spend face to face time with friends/mentors over glasses of wine contemplating what happens next both in my own life and theirs; trying to figure out how to use the mistakes of the past to learn and grow.

Sometimes I have mixed emotions over my best friends Christmas engagement. While I am happy for her because this is something she's wanted for a long time, I wonder if shes more in love with the idea of being married than she is with the reality of being married.

Sometimes I get a card in the mail with a simple messgae that hits incredibly close to home instantly reminding me of the work I need to do in the new year to get to where I want to be at the end of the upcoming year, even if I'm not quite sure where that is at the moment.

Sometimes I have incredible ideas of what I want to post but am afraid its not going to come out as eloquently as it seems to be in my head, which usually results in a post a lot like this one.

Sometimes I reflect over the past year/decade amazed at how far I've come, other times I'm saddened by how little things have changed, vowing to make 2010 a year that counts. I have this feeling that 2010 is going to be a big year for a lot of us.

Sometimes I have a conversation with a friend where I find myself confiding things I never expected too, then having that same conversation end with the realization that even though I've never met that friend face to face she really is one of my closest and dearest friends.

Sometimes I need to sort of step away from blogging for a few days to do some soul searching, think about the direction I want this blog to go, and what I want this little space on the internet to say about me. Shes long overdue for an overhaul, hopefully that will be taken care of in the next few weeks with a new layout and most likely a new name to match the domain.

Sometimes I realize how incredibly lucky I am to be part of an amazing blogging community full of people willing to offer kind words, late night talks, positive thoughts, and more than anything a place to let me be myself.

Your turn, fill in the blank. Sometimes I ________________________________.

A Bit Of A Request

2009-12-28T13:16:00.002-05:00

As some of you may know, I had a close family friend who earlier this year lost a leg to cancer. Within two months of his surgery, he was diagnosed with multiple myleoma, a cancer for which there is no cure. When someone you love faces this diagnosis, its never easy and when I read this, I knew I needed to repost it. Please take a few minutes to read and send positive thoughts/prayers.

**************************************************

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Peace

2009-12-23T23:39:00.004-05:00

I've found peace and quiet sitting in a dark room gazing into the lights of my Christmas tree while holiday songs play quietly in the background and while sitting around a table surrounded by family and friends, the sort of peace that settles into my heart causing me to sigh contentedly knowing I have everything I need and so much more.

I've felt inner peace as I've thought about some of the decisions I've made this past year, knowing that while not everyone approved, they were the decisions that were the absolute best for me at that moment in time.

I've made peace with some situations that are beyond my control, knowing that letting go while still putting one foot in front of the other is a victory in its own way, it brings a serenity that heals my broken spirit in numerous ways making me feel whole again.

I am at peace with myself when I realize its perfectly ok that I didn't accomplish everything I've set out to do, that sometimes life gets in the way and happens faster than any one of us can even realize.

Peace is my wish for you this holiday season. "May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!" ~Author Unknown

Ghosts of Christmas Past

2009-12-22T07:25:00.002-05:00

This is a repost of something I wrote last year. While trying to adequately sum up my feelings about my childhood Christmas memories, I realized that I can't say it any better than I already have. Around this time of year, with Christmas Eve right around the corner, I'm always reminded of gathering at my great grandma's house which always made the holiday so special.

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~Carol Nelson

Christmas for me has always been about togetherness, being with the family and friends who mean the most to you. The time of year when it seems people are nicer to each other. Differences are put aside and there's just a certain feeling in the air.

This time of year is also when I get a little homesick for past Christmases. Its more than just missing how things used to be, the feeling is more like little twinges of longing, a slight ache of the heart, a sadness for those who aren't with us any more. The happiness is still there, the anticipation of what the beautifully wrapped presents underneath the meticulously decorated tree contain and the aromas from the kitchen that waft into the living room gently reminding us of the feast that awaits.

As a child, one of the events I most looked forward to was Christmas Eve at my great grandmothers house. It was the one time of the year my entire family would be gathered together. My great grandma, my great aunt and great uncle, their family, our whole family, the cousins I typically didnt get to see. It was the one day out of the year everyone stopped their busy lives, slowed down, and took time to just be. Something we don't do very much anymore.

Growing up I often heard my mom tell stories about gathering at that same house, waiting for her uncle who lived out of state to get home. They weren't allowed to open presents until everyone was there. One year he was on his way home from either Buffalo or Detroit, there was a horrendous snow storm. Everyone waited and waited, the children grew antsy and the adults finally gave in letting the Christmas Eve rituals commence giving up hope that their brother and uncle would make it. Just as everyone was getting ready to leave, the door opened blowing in snow and the beloved uncle bearing presents in the 11th hour. I think its one of my mom's fondest memories. There is a Hallmark commercial with a similar 60 second plot line that makes my mom cry every year from the same homesickness feeling.

While I don't have any Christmas Eve memories like that where one stands out over the other, they were all equally wonderful in my memory. From the small white glossy ceramic tree with twinkling multi-colored lights that sat in the corner on the table top, to the fake plastic fruit in the Fenton Hobnail milk glass bowls, to the candles that were never burned in the matching candlesticks, to the sounds of everyone laughing and talking drifting from room to room. Together they all make up some of the best memories of my childhood.

I would sit on the floor with my back against the ancient record player that was a piece of furniture as much as it was a music player. Presents would be handed out and opened, always from youngest to oldest, with my great grandma going last. Wrapping paper would be crumpled into a ball and tossed from one person to the next, ribboned bows stuck on some unsuspecting relatives head. Gifts would be oohhed and aaahed over. My great grandma was always thrilled with whatever she received and as you might imagine, it was just what she wanted. After the last gift was opened, everyone would mill about talking, perhaps drifting into the kitchen to make a sandwich from the ham that had just been pulled from the oven or munching on a cookie someone had brought. Newly gifted games would be played. Adults would reminisce, we great grandchildren would chase each other around being shushed from time to time. After a few hours gifts would be put into cars, children bundled up tired and ready for Santa to visit, goodbyes said. Year after year it was always the same, constant, and I loved it.

As my great grandma became older, Christmas Eve became more and more important. I wanted to hold on to that tradition for as long as I could not wanting it to change, not wanting to admit that each year had the potential to be the final time. Even the year she had been sick, in and out of the hospital we still had Christmas Eve-she wasn't able to make the food or the cookies, or even buy and wrap the presents, but it didn't matter --we were there all together just as always. That year was the last Christmas Eve at her house. She passed away a year or so later.

Now just the immediate family--the aunts, uncles, and cousins all go to our grandparents house on Christmas Eve. We open presents, laugh and talk. There is always way too much food. We play new games and now my little cousins are the ones who anticipate Santa's midnight visit. I always look forward to the festivities but at the same time am homesick and nostalgic for the past. I am sad that the younger ones can't remember Christmas Eve's at our great grandmas.

While I usually don't go any other time, sometime around the holidays I go to the cemetery where my great grandma is buried. I feel like I need to go see her; to tell her Merry Christmas and that I haven't forgotten those special Christmas Eve memories.

This picture was taken my very first Christmas Eve at my great grandma's back in 1980.

Enjoying the Scenery

2009-12-17T22:21:00.006-05:00

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour. ~Author Unknown

I like to think that I'm the type of person who is generally a happy soul, one who even in the dark times can find some reason to smile and find a little slice of happiness. Even on days that have been trying there is always something that will bring me a true genuine feeling of complete and utter bliss. Two wonderful bloggers, Lisa and Katie, passed on the Happy 1o1 which is all about focusing on what makes us happy. Because I'm happy its Friday, I've deemed it entirely appropriate to list a few of life's moments that bring me pure happiness.

1. Being greeted by my dog every single time I walk in the door, even if I've just stepped outside to go to the mailbox. The ritual of walking in the door is followed by excessive tail wagging, an adorable cry only a dog owner can love, and a full on body wiggle -- all on the part of my dog. Its nice to be met with such excitement.

2. Taking the first few sips of a steamy chocolate raspberry chai, especially if it means a trip to the coffee house with a friend.

3. Unexpected phone calls, text messages, or actual handwritten letters from my friends because it means I've crossed their minds, even if its a message as simple as "have a great day."

4. Those last few moments before I drift off to sleep where I try to clear my mind, count my blessings, and say a silent prayer of thanks.

5. Randomly coming across a small gift that immediately reminds me of a friend, so I can pick it up and send it to them, especially for no reason at all.

6. Tasting a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie that is only slightly cooled and not quite baked all the way through that literally melts in my mouth.

7. Waking up only to realize that I can roll over and go back to sleep for another hour or so.

8. Thoughtful blog comments and reading blog posts that are so beautifully written they literally take my breath away.

9. Going to one of my favorite spots on a hill to just breathe in the fresh air, the sights and sounds of nature, and completely letting everything go.

10. When I stop thinking so hard and simply acknowledge the endless possibilities that lie before me. It helps me realize that I should quit trying so hard to figure out the details of the journey and just enjoy the scenery along the way.

Frankly My Dear (Part Two)

2009-12-16T21:00:00.002-05:00

These are the remaining questions, answers, and anecdotes about how my Gone With The Wind collection came to be. You can read the first part here.

What was the first piece in your collection? In Christmas of 1991, my mom bought me a Madame Alexander doll that was Scarlett wearing her white lace barbecue dress with green sash, stray hat, and parasol. I would admire it every time we went to the big toy store in town. They had a big display of various Madame Alexander dolls on the first floor, kept locked in a display cabinet. The Scarlett and Rhett dolls were the only Gone With the Wind characters the store had, the rest were Wizard of OZ, the Little Woman characters and I think Alice in Wonderland. In reality the doll doesn’t look a whole lot like Scarlett O’Hara, but to my 11 year old self I am sure the resemblance couldn’t have been any greater.

What do you look for when you want to add to the collection? Do you look at age, quality, specific artists, year produced, material used? Most of the items in my collection come from family members and friends as gifts. There are only a few things that I’ve actually bought myself. When I do buy something myself I prefer to buy the entire series, for example one of the plate collections I have is called “The Critics Choice Series.” They are all plates by the same artist depicting the 12 most poignant moments of the film (according to them). I also purchased the entire collection of World View dolls at once as opposed to buying each doll individually because of the their age (they were manufactured in the 80’s, and certain dolls are hard to come by). Of course I’m always on the lookout for retired or unique items but no, I don’t look for specific artists, years, or anything like that.

Would you consider this as an investment, or is it more a sentimental collection? If sentimental why? Of course its an investment but my collection is mostly sentimental. For the most part, I can tell you who gave me which piece and when I received them. Just about everything I have is on display -- the plates, the music boxes, the dolls, the few pieces of jewelry, etc. The exception to that are three cast member photographs signed by the original actors who played those parts which are kept tucked between acid free paper in special folders under lock and key. The Mattel doll series are in their original boxes but my other dolls are not. When I bought them, they came from a private collection, some of them were in their opened boxes (which weren’t in very good shape) and some were not. In order to easily display them, I made the decision to get rid of the boxes and just set them on doll stands.

I have the original packaging and certificates of authenticity for just about every piece in my collection which does increase their value. That said, I have no plans to sell or dismantle my collection in any way. I would love to pass my collection on to a family member when I am an old woman or if something should happen to me before that, I would prefer the collection be donated rather than being sold. I don’t collect these pieces for their monetary value. I collect them simply because I enjoy them; Gone With the Wind has been a major part of my life. The thought of them being split up and sold saddens me.

When a big group of plates or dolls is added to my collection either by myself or another family member I’ve gotten letters from the original owners, usually daughters or granddaughters selling their deceased mother or grandmothers collectibles stating how happy they are that the pieces are going to someone who will cherish them as much as their loved one did. Its almost as if I’ve been entrusted with someone else’s heirlooms. I could never sell them.

What would you say is the 'holy grail' of all things related to 'Gone With the Wind'? I think for every collector this is different. There are so many different kinds of Gone With the Wind collectibles on the market – dolls, music boxes, snow globes, movie posters, plates, throws, etc. My collection is pretty eclectic and with the exception of the dolls and plates, its just whatever I fancy at the moment or what’s given to me. There really isn’t one piece that I feel I “just have to have.” There were some pieces that as a young teenager I wanted, but slowly over time did in fact add those to my collection but they were more for sentimental reasons.

What I consider to be “holy grail” of my collection is a first edition printing of the Gone With the Wind novel. It was given to me by my former college French professor and mentor, Sister Mary Byron. One day while visiting her at the convent, another sister walked past and admired my purse (it was a Gone with the Wind one). That led to a discussion about the book and the movie. After our talk as I was getting up to leave, Sister Mary requested I follow her. We went into the basement of the convent where each of the sisters had a little area to store some things. Sister Mary pulled out a gray box and handed it to me. Before I opened it to find out what was enclosed she told me it had belonged to her mother, an avid fan of the movie and Clark Gable. Her mother had actually attended the premiere of the movie in Atlanta with some of her girlfriends and was able to see some of the films stars walk the red carpet.

The book is in near perfect condition (its just a simple gray hardback with the title in navy print) and contained copied newspaper clippings of the movie premiere. There was also a story about some of the grammatical mistakes that are in the first two editions of the book. (They really are there, I checked!) I stood there and cried as Sister May told me that while she enjoyed the movie, she had kept the book with her all these years because it had belonged to her mother and asked me to keep it “to remember her by.” I’m never sure if she meant herself or her mother, but I suspect a little bit of both.

Just a few months later Sister Mary passed away. That book is one of the most treasured items I own (again for sentimental reasons) and definitely the crowning jewel of my collection. (Its not on display either nor have I ever read that edition. I actually keep it in the box it was in when Sister Mary gave it to me with the newspaper clippings and a picture of Sister Mary.)

Frankly, My Dear (Part One)

2009-12-15T22:41:00.011-05:00

(I'm splitting this into two posts because its quite massive)

Or alternatively title, The One Where I Admit I Am A Huge Nerd.

While sitting in front of a blank screen trying to put together thoughts to write a cohesive, thoughtful blog post I was distracting myself with Twitter. Scrolling through the many tweets of my friends I stumbled upon this tweet in which Ashley declares she's never seen Gone With the Wind which literally made me choke on my drink, I mean really? The move has been around for 70 years, today! A few minutes later when Kyla admitted to never seeing the movie, my heart broke a little.

You see, Gone With the Wind, is kind of a big deal for me. Not only is it my favorite movie of all time its also my collection. Yes, you read that right. I am a collector of all things Gone With the Wind. So much so, my friend and fellow blogger Jen wrote a paper about it a few months ago for one of her graduate classes. The following are her questions (hopefully she doesn't mind my posting them) and my answers, I know its longer than most of my posts but hey, like the movie (its four hours) its worth it. Hopefully it will encourage more of you to watch this great movie classic (or watch it again)!

What or Who first introduced you to 'Gone With The Wind'? Honestly, I don’t recall my first encounter with Gone With The Wind (neither does my mother, I checked with her). I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love the movie. My mom tells me that I would sit through the whole movie and recite lines along with the characters as a very young child (like 5/6). I’m not sure if I saw it in passing or heard it in-utero (perhaps my mother should have played French tapes?) but its definitely been a life long love. Neither my mom nor anyone else in my family is really as enamored with the movie as I am, so chances are very likely I caught it in passing and it was one of the few things that really held my interest (still does).

Can you describe your feelings when you first saw the movie, and were those feelings the reason why you decided to collect anything related to the movie? I don’t remember my first viewing of the movie, but I would imagine they were very similar to the feelings I have every time I watch the movie. From the first stanza of the overture, I become completely swept up in the dialogue, the characters, the costuming, the music, and the scenery. I literally lose myself in the movie and want to be Scarlett O’Hara. I still feel anxious at certain parts of the movie and cry at a few other places. Every. Single. Time.

I am sure my love of the movie (and the fact that I loved to dramatically recite the “As God is My Witness” monologue) played a huge part in my acquiring my collection. I am a complete romantic (but don’t let that get out) at heart. The movie is a very much more romanticized version of the Old South than the novel and most of the collectibles available reflect that. One of my favorite things about most of my collection are the various dresses the women are dressed in from my plates, to dolls, to music boxes. Most of the artists who design the collectibles are able to perfectly capture the emotions behind each moment they are depicting.

The biggest part of my Gone With The Wind Collection are my plates. I have over 40 of them. As a girl my mom would take me to this little shop nestled between two big department stores called Little Portion Treasures (sadly its no longer in business). It was the sort of store that my mom constantly reminded me to “not touch” anything out of fear I would break it. They had Franklin Mint dolls, San Francisco Music Box Company collectibles in just about everything you could imagine, and a huge Roman angel collection display. My favorite part of the store was the plate displays upstairs. You had to have an employee (usually a tiny, wrinkled old woman who was the absolute sweetest) escort you the narrow steps. Any decorative plate you could ever want was on the walls – The Wizard of OZ, Native American pictures, angels, cats, clowns, Norman Rockwell pictures, etc. They had maybe a dozen or two Gone With the Wind plates that I would have probably stared at all day if my mom had let me. They were set in round oak frames all clustered together. I just knew that one day I wanted to have plate display like that. (And now I do, three of them but not in round oak frames.)

Have you looked into or done research pertaining to the writer of the novel? Have you read the novel? The first time I read Gone With the Wind was for a 6th grade book report. My teacher actually didn’t believe that I had read the entire novel and set up a conference with my mom. I’ve read it numerous times since then. I have read a little bit about Margaret Mitchell but not extensively.

Do you enjoy the Civil War aspect of the book/movie, or is it more just the enjoyment of the story and it could be set really at any time and any place? As a history major, of course the Civil War aspect is majorly appealing. In my opinion the war itself is almost like another character in the book/movie. So much of the actual story is based around the war. I’m not sure that the story could be set at any place or time because so many of the characters decisions and actions are a direct effect of the war. I don’t know that the character would be who they develop into if it wasn’t based during that time period. I suppose some of the characters lives could run parallel: girl meets guy, struggles against odds and through hardships, loses just about everything, pines for best friends husband, then finally marries guy, etc but the story as a whole wouldn’t be the same. The name of the novel/book itself is, as the opening credits of the movie describes, a story about a “civilization gone with the wind.” The story (at least for me) isn’t just about the characters though, its about a way of life coming to an end and the learning to move forward to make a new life from that.

Enough For Now

2009-12-09T18:46:00.009-05:00

Almost a year ago, I went through a friendship breakup that left me with many questions and little closure. Without explanation or cause our twenty-six year friendship ended. I was deeply affected in ways that at the time I couldn't discuss. I was hurt, upset, and somewhat broken. This was someone I trusted with my secrets, saw me at my worst, and someone who had navigated many of life's difficult moments with me. Someone I stood beside while she recited her wedding vows and whose hand I held when the judge declared her marriage over. We shared childhood memories of vacations, teenage crushes, and college life fears. We were best friends. With the exception of her grandfather's funeral in April, I haven't seen or spoken to her.

While the phone calls and emails stopped, for some reason I couldn't bring myself to delete her from my Facebook friends, it just seemed too permanent -- too final. I guess I wanted some window into her life, even if she didn't want me in hers.

I noticed recently that she had uploaded new pictures. There were albums of snapshots filled with her smiling, laughing, and venturing new places with new friends. She looked happy, a big change from the past few years of our friendship. Because our families are close, I know she is back in school pursuing something she's always wanted to study. I know she has separated herself from everyone, even much of her family. I know that like myself, they don't have any answers either.

Without thinking I sent her a message. There was no "I miss you" or blame placed, there was no asking what happened a year ago. Instead there were just a few short sentences saying that I hoped she was as genuinely happy as she appeared in the pictures and that life was going well for her. I sent it off without expecting anything in return.

A few days ago, I logged on to Facebook to find a simple sentence in reply. Her message simply stated, "I finally am."

Over the past year there have been many times I pulled up her name in my cellphone but never hit dial. There were numerous emails started but never finished. There have been countless moments I fervently wished she was still someone I could reach out too for whatever reason. There are times I miss her sense of humor and cynicism. There are times I still become angry when I think about the demise of our friendship. Even with all the hurt feelings and unanswered questions, my wish for her has always been happiness.

While its not any sort of closure on our friendship, I feel better knowing that she's finally found the peace and serenity that she searched for so desperately but never quite found. I feel better knowing that she's back to fully living her life instead of shutting herself off in her own dark world. I'm happy that she's finally chasing her dreams and making them a reality.

Simply knowing that she is finally genuinely happy is enough for now.

Was That The Weekend?

2009-12-06T20:10:00.006-05:00

This weekend was an excellent mix of fun events I absolutely did not need to do and a few tasks that I positively had to complete. The two days contained the first unexpected snow fall of the season, a trip to Amish country, lots of family time, copious amounts of wine, entirely way too much food, a trip to see Santa, baking a sinfully delicious cake, surviving dinner with my grandmother, and finally relaxing. As per usual after a weekend my mind is scattered about here and there, so lets do a list shall we?

* My mom and stepdad have birthdays that fall one after another. To celebrate we decided to make the hour trek to Amish Country to dine at one of our favorite restaurants. If you've ever had Amish home cooking you completely understand the need to drive an hour for absolutely delicious food and out-of-this-world baked goods. If you've never had the opportunity to visit an Amish establishment, I feel sorry for you. You have no idea what you're missing. Food just tastes better in Amish Country.

* When we awoke Saturday morning, the roads and yards were blanketed with freshly fallen snow that the weather forecasters had assured us was going to stay to our South. In the spirit of adventure, we set out for Amish Country anyway. After passing two different cars who had slid off the road into the ditch we commented that people need to slow down when navigating unplowed roads. When we passed a jack-knifed tractor trailer we briefly considered turning around. The decision was made to keep going after witnessing a bad accident in the opposite direction involving a three or four car plow up with the realization if we turned around we would only get stuck in traffic. Thankfully the sun came out, the snow melted, and the rest of the trip was uneventful.

* After returning home from a day of shopping and eating, I baked (because you know the cookies, muffins, and pies we brought back from Amish Country weren't enough). My mom had requested a 7 Kinds of Chocolate Cake for her birthday. Can I just tell you that this cake is probably the most decadent, rich and easiest cake I have ever made. Eating a little sliver of it is more than enough to satisfy even the sweetest sweet tooth. Cutting it up and sending it home with various people was quite possibly the best decision of the weekend.

* I then spent the rest of the evening with close family friends, who I am incredibly thankful for. They are my mom's best friends who have been in my life since my early childhood. Together our families have seen one another through divorces, marriages, disappointments, celebrations, and life altering cancer diagnosis's. We spent a few hours just talking and laughing.

* I spent Sunday morning gathering supplies to create some theme baskets for a bridal shower my family is throwing for my cousin's fiance next weekend. The baskets will be given as prizes for games. I love shopping for things little things like that and have used the idea of a theme basket as presents for friends as well. I decided upon a cake "basket" (which is really a 9x13 pan) filled with a variety of cake mixes, canned frostings, and a dessert cookbook. The second basket is a coffee and tea one filled with a nice assortment of flavored teas and coffees, snowman mugs, and some holiday candy.

* A family dinner with my grandparents occurred in the late afternoon. I may or may not have escaped the time between dinner and dessert (you know, the one that would have been completely awkward where I would have been required to make painful small talk with my grandma) by taking my dog to get her picture taken with Santa at a local pet store. I am totally one of those people who treats my dog like a child, complete with obligatory pictures with seasonal holiday characters like Santa and the Easter Bunny.

So tell me, how was your weekend? Did you do anything fun?

Oh, and you wanted the recipe for the 7 Kinds of Chocolate Cake? Sure thing. Unfortunately I forgot to snap a picture of it before it was ravenously devoured, but trust me. Go. Bake. You can thank me later.

7 Kinds of Chocolate Cake
1 Package Betty Crocker Super Moist butter recipe Chocolate cake mix
1/2 cup Chocolate Milk
1 Package (4-serving size) chocolate instant pudding
1 Bag (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips
1/3 cup butter melted
3 eggs
1 container (16 ounces) sour cream
Chocolate Frosting
Chocolate candy bar (for grating chocolate on top)
serve with Chocolate Ice Cream (I completely skipped this step because its incredibly too rich and decadent on its own)

1. Heat oven to 350, grease bundt cake pan with cooking spray
2. Mix cake mix, chocolate milk, butter, eggs, sour cream and pudding mix (dry) in large bowl with spoon until well blended (batter will be very thick). Stir in chocolate chips. Spoon batter into pan.
3. Bake 55 minutes or until top springs back when toughed lightly in center. Cool in pan 15 min. Turn pan upside down onto cake plate. Cool completely, then apply frosting. I melt frosting in microwave, then drizzle over the cake. Then grate chocolate over the frosting.