Friday, January 17, 2014

Delicious Ambiguity

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity."

~Gilda Radner

The past few weeks have been emotionally and physically draining for a few close friends. As their friend, I carry some of those emotions, knowing there is nothing I can do to ease their hearts. In both these moments and other moments, I am reminded that nothing is promised or guaranteed.

I’m reminded that life will break your heart, but will also show you how much beauty there is to be found.

I typically read the endings of books first, know the ending of a movie without having ever seen the beginning, seek out the surprises before I’m supposed to find out what they are. I like the knowing, the awareness that comes from the result before everything else has happened. Maybe because the truth is, I’m completely powerless in knowing what the future brings, how this thing called life is going to play out, what mountains and valleys lay before me.

I need to be more open the delicious ambiguity. Stand firm in the knowledge that I have a wonderful family and amazing friends to help me navigate the unknown. I need to keep reminding myself that the ending isn’t the important part, the journey – the emotions, the work, those met along the way, the laughter, the tears, the joy – the delicious ambiguity of not knowing and changing moment to moment—that’s what matters. I know the journey is the most important part, but , apparently, I need to be reminded. Often.