A few days ago, 2012 turned to 2013 without much fanfare. I wasn’t sorry to see 2012 end, it was by no means banner year, but it was one of those years that pushed my beliefs, challenged my ways of thinking, and through that changed me in ways I didn’t expect. 2012 made me more confident in the person I am and left me feeling more vulnerable than ever while battling a depression. It turned me into a more compassionate person while causing me to be less sympathetic in other areas of life. It was the year I called a time out to a large degree in many areas of life – I stopped writing regularly on my blog, stopped sending notes to friends. I spent the first half of the year frantically searching for a way back home and the second half catching up on everything I felt like I missed out on during the first several months. It saw me leave a job and a place I loathed only to return home to a new job that I love.
I tried to find one word to define what I hope to manifest in 2013. I’ve thrown many out there – connection, passion, strength, peace. In the end I can’t pick just one.
I want to be better about connecting with myself through my writing both here on my blog and through journaling. In the past months I’ve all but stopped both and I miss putting my thoughts into words that mean something, represent a piece of my soul. I want to connect with friends – bet better about sending notes and emails, planning times to just see friends, strengthening relationships I have while making new ones. Now that I’ve decided this is my place, I need to seek out ways to connect with new people, find new ways to fill my days.
Writing and reading are two of my passions. I enjoy doing both. This is the year I need to get serious about grad school – applying, going, and working toward the next step professionally, with a healthy dose of personal goals combining all of that. I’ve dabbled in freelance before but this year I want to do more, work more with my writing, really sharpening my skills and talents.
Strength for all the tough times I’ve yet to endure. Last year tested my mental and emotional strength like never before. Honestly, I was broken and beaten the first half. With the help of a therapist and close friends who had also battled depression, I slowly built that strength back up, twisting and turning all the broken pieces into a new way that made sense and worked. Helping to care for a parent who suffered a major medical event and now has many special needs is anything but easy. Most days I need more strength and patience than what I have to help care for my stepdad while my mom seems to have endless amounts of both, or at the very least, much more than I do.
Peace is an appropriate word for a variety of reasons. I always strive to have an inner peace – to keep my soul and mind at ease with how I’m living my life and peace to know that the decisions I make are the right ones for me, right now, at this moment.
Do you have words for the year that you use to manifest and reflect upon? What are some of your goals for 2013?