Monday, April 16, 2012

Chasing Happiness

I’ve been elusively chasing happiness for several months now, longer than I’ve ever chased it before. Typically when something disruptive happens in my life, I fight against that change then settle into my new normal. Last March, when I lost my job, I was incredibly scared of what the upcoming months would hold. They certainly weren’t ideal but offered me a time to heal and move forward from what had become a less than ideal work situation. I found happiness in little things, in small moments rather than material things or sweeping grand gestures.

Since moving to Georgia, there have been brief, fleeting moments of happiness; but then like a butterfly, those feelings quickly move on. Last week, during a brief phone call, someone asked if I was happy. After readily admitting that I wasn’t, she advised me to give my transition more time, “Give it a year or so, then you’ll settle in a little better and realize that things aren’t so bad there.” I thanked her for her advice while silently cursing her as I pushed the end button on my cell. She’s not the first person to suggest that to me.

Waiting a year to settle in isn’t an option for me. I recognize that it may take that long to get myself out of this place I’ve found myself in, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for things to change, for me to “settle in.” I deserve to be happy now. Regardless of how long I stay, Georgia will never be that place that brings me happiness. I realized that shortly after arriving and I think a part of me, deep down, knew that before I left. No matter how many times I visit Savannah or the shore or even driving down the country roads I travel daily, I’m not connected here. Not in the way my soul needs to be connected for me to be blissfully happy.

While I do appreciate the advice, I also trust that I know myself in ways no else does. I know that I need to keep looking forward to a time that doesn’t involve a Georgia zip code. I need to keep working to find a different job in a place where I’m around more like-minded people. I need to keep looking forward. I need to do what I need to do to find my happiness and that doesn’t include the “settling in” that others keep recommending I do.

Do you wait for happiness or do chase it down?