Thursday, December 08, 2011

Picking Up The Pieces

When I accepted the job offer in Georgia, I was completely enamored with the idea of living among palm trees and what I imagined would be a vibrant, liberal college town experience that would be quaint and cozy. I thought I would find my niche among the academics and the small town dwellers settling in for an adventure that would last a few years before moving on to somewhere else. Perhaps because I have a tendency to be a bit of a romantic at heart, my judgement was clouded with rose colored ideals of what life in the South would offer.

Within days of arriving, my illusions came shattering down, the picturesque place I had in my head turned into harsh realities, and before I knew what had happened my adventure was turning out to be more of a nightmare. Never good at housekeeping I left those shattered, broken pieces of my Georgia dream scattered about. Gingerly tiptoeing around them, then sometimes in moments of anger and desperation,  forcefully stomping and grinding them into the ground with my heel. Its been over two months and those pieces are still littering my soul and world.

In the past few weeks while finally deciding to sweep those pieces away and rid my life of what could have been once and for all, I picked up one of those shattered pieces and saw a part of myself. The hopeful, optimistic young woman who dared to dream and took a chance but somehow lost a piece of herself after that chance didn't work out the way she hoped.

After finding that piece of myself again, I know what I need to do and where I need to go. Home. Maybe not back to my small hometown along the river, but someplace that's close, comforting, and familiar. A place that will allow me to grow individually but still allow me to remain close to my family. A place where the three rivers converge and friends are close by.

I'm picking up the pieces of my shattered Georgia dream and making new ones,  dreaming of finding a job in Pittsburgh, and doing everything in my power to find my way back North in time for Spring. I was built for four distinct separate seasons and snow. I need grass, not sand. I need rivers as opposed to cotton fields and people who are open minded.

Sweeping out those broken pieces to make room for new hopes and dreams has been wonderful and freeing. I've needed to get rid of those pieces and put those new dreams and intentions out into the universe. As I do, I can feel a peace settle into my soul that's been missing for far too long.