Monday, April 04, 2011

A New Chapter

Life is full of change, honey. That's how we learn and grow. When we're born, the Good Lord gives each of us a Life Book. Chapter by chapter, we live and learn... When a chapter of your Life Book is complete, your spirit knows it's time to turn the page so a new chapter can begin. Even when you're scared or think you're not ready, your spirit knows you are.  ~Beth Hoffman, from the book Saving Ceecee Honeycutt 

Last Thursday, I started a new chapter in my Life Book, one called Unemployment, a chapter I was expecting to come but not quite ready to embrace. One one hand, I'm relieved. My past position was causing a lot of stress and anxiety for a myriad of reasons. I wasn't happy in that position for some time, but I didn't have the courage to just walk away without another position already in place. I've been searching but nothing has worked out just yet. I'm hopeful, optimistic, and trying to keep my spirits up. On the other hand, I'm scared and worried. Not knowing when I'll have a decent steady paycheck is terrifying. I wonder how I will eek by on what little I'll get in unemployment. 
A few weeks ago, I hit a mental and emotional low that wasn't pretty. That low involved "taking off my brave face" as one very dear friend referred to the situation. I have this need to always be the strong one, the one others lean on, but sometimes my tough exterior shatters into a thousand pieces I can't even begin to put back together on my own. Its in those times, when my soul and spirit are broken, I reach out with both hands, blindly falling and am lucky enough to have some amazing people who reach back to catch me. Once I hit that low and the tears started to dry, things started to come into focus again. The past few days I've been fluctuating between being ok and crying.
This new chapter is going to be about changes, as scary and unnerving as they may be. I've been asking for an adventure for quite awhile. This is it. I've been thrust forward out of my comfort zone, propelling forward. I am trying to hope and trust in the Universe that the wheels are turning as they should and my stars are aligning. I'm trying to remain positive but I know at times that as my story in this chapter unfolds, its not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Its going to be dirty, gritty, and raw. There will be peaks and valleys. Regardless, I'm really hoping this will be a short chapter in my Life Book, knowing the my spirit is ready to move on.

Thank you to all of you for your sweet emails and encouraging words via twitter and email. Your good thoughts and prayers mean more to me than you know.