Friday, September 10, 2010

Adjusting My Sails

We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails. ~Author Unknown

For the past few months I’ve been anticipating an event that I didn’t want to think about, pushing it out whenever the thought entered the confines of my mind. There were rumors it could happen; whispers from the corners, hushed conversations in hallways. Then, at the beginning of the month it finally occurred.

My reaction was different than what I expected. I felt a sense of freedom-- lighter and happier. While it took a few days to get my bearings, after a bit I started to feel more like myself again, more so than I have in quite a while.

It’s wonderful when you feel your senses let their guard down, when those walls of tension and darkness start to crack and crumble, and when you breathe deeply then exhale, the final bits of dust leaving you. It’s even more reassuring when you feel that calmness and peacefulness settle in where fear and doubt had taken hold, knowing that those negative feelings are gone.

I’ve felt, in the past few months, that I was in the middle of a vast expanse of ocean being tossed and churned about. Now, I feel that the waters have calmed with barely a ripple. This has been an important lesson, which I’m taking to heart. That I really do have no control over the wind and which way (or how hard) it chooses to blow, but now, I’ve learned that I’m the only one in control of the sails.