Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Let It Be

This week has been a lesson for me in my never ending struggle of knowing the difference between the things I actually have control over and those that I do not. As always, its a struggle that leaves me feeling despondent and incredibly frustrated. I keep reminding myself that I've done all I can regarding a few various situations, but in the end I still want more. I want the outcome to be different, to play out in my favor. Again, this is a ongoing internal  battle and I find myself murmuring the same words over and over.....

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Its the wisdom part that I always stumble over. Due in part to the lackluster week and the fact that I have vacation time that I need to use, I called it a week today at 5. I love the feeling of leaving work and knowing that for the next five days I can do as I please, on my own schedule, and the sense of complete freedom. I've decided to forget about trying to figure out what I can change versus what I can't to just give my brain, which has for the past several days been going a mile a minute, a rest.

Instead of thinking, I'm just going to do and be. I'm going to completely immerse myself in silly times with my younger cousins, eat ice cream after a factory tour with Randi, and visit Amish Country with my mom. I'm going to stay up late and sleep in as long as I want. I'm going to laugh with wild abandon, enjoy the sunshine on my skin,  and forget about the shadows lurking in the corners of my mind. I'm going to call friends I haven't spoken with recently, read books that I've been putting off, and take a nap outside if I feel inclined to do so.

I'm going to stop the internal struggle and just let it be. I'm going to hope I find peace and resolution about a few of the situations plaguing my mind amidst all my doing and being.  And maybe find some wisdom along the way.