Monday, February 15, 2010

Do You Remember

Saturday evening found me face to face with my former best friend. I hadn't seen her since April at her grandfathers funeral and with the exception of a brief message through Facebook, I  haven't spoken to her. I've made peace with the fact that our parting of ways has just been something that happened, not either one of our faults. I still miss her but accept the fact that our lives have taken us on journeys separate from each other for whatever reason. I'm happy knowing that shes happy, and thats enough for now. Despite that, I was still a bit apprehensive about seeing her.

We sat surrounded by family and friends at her grandma's kitchen table, where we've sat numerous times before. They are the seats we sat in while coloring as kids, helping her grandma make cookies, designing scrapbook pages, planning summer vacations, and drinking wine until the early morning hours. Once we carved our initals into the underside of the table on a dare from her older brothers, as I sat there listening to various conversations around me I could trace the letters with my finger.

We talked around each other without actually talking to one another. It was a hard knowing that our conversations once flowed so freely, and now other than exchanging simple plesantries we didn't have much to say to each other.

At one point we were listening to her 90 year old grandma tell us a story, one we had heard countless times. As children, that particular story once led my former friend and I to do some pretty daring things one summer that had they known, our parents surely would have killed us. As grandma wound down her story, I found myself thinking of that summer and the events that took place. A smile creeped acrossed my  lips. I glanced at my friend and saw her expression, the laughter in her eyes. "Do you remember...." she asked looking at me, her voice trailing off before finishing the thought. I nodded with tears in my eyes, "Yes!" We giggled sharing a private joke.

We were instantly transported to a time before our falling out. A time before life became complicated and we went our different ways. As quickly as it came, the moment slipped away. I still don't know where this leaves our friendship but I know that the two of us still have those memories that we remember from time to time. Perhaps some day the words will flow freely between us again. We parted ways making tentative plans for lunch in the Spring when I visit her city. I don't know if they will ever actually materialize but I have hope. And if nothing else, memories.

23 comments:

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

When I saw your comment about seeing this former friend, I wondered how it went. It's so tough when a friendship ends... I bet it was bitter sweet to share that secret smile over events of the past.

Bayjb said...

It's always tough to look back at those events and moments knowing that things aren't now the way they used to be. Maybe you guys do get together this spring and maybe you don't, but those memories can still be comforting even when she isn't there.

Pam said...

That moment was a start. I have a feeling she misses you just as much as you miss her.

wekeepsaying said...

i love this. if nothing else, you have memories. it's things like this that keep me going and looking for relationships in all sorts of people, if not for a true friendship, at least for some memory to hold on to.

Katie said...

I was just looking up quotes on memory today to post my (late) weekly feature. And one of them instantly comes to mind for this circumstance: God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. -J.M. Barrie

It may be the December of your friendship, but I hope that means a new beginning will be around the corner for the two of you.

L.C.T. said...

I wish I could describe how much I understand being in that position. I hope things work out for you both.

Adventures In China said...

It's so difficult for me to know what to do when a friendship or relationship changes. Thanks for your example of acceptance and hope.

Kyla Roma said...

I'm with Pam- it sounds like this moment was a start. I have a few of these people up my sleeves and sometimes if nothing else it's wonderful to talk to them, catch up, and keep on with your life knowing that while things are different you can still talk here and there. For me, moving from that tension back to a little more friendship is a real relief. I'm glad that initial scariness has passed =)

Ally said...

Oh, lady. I know what the awkwardness turns to silly memories situation is like. I have a friend I used to be very close to and now not so much (not really my choice), but we usually see each other once every few years. It used to feel strange, but now I am able to accept our relationship for what it has become.

I think that friendships come in different shapes, and maybe she can be your has-known-you-forever friend?

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

This is a really thoughtful post, Mandy. I think what's hard when two people go separate ways is, we tend to focus only on why the separation. And sure, that's ok for a time, but eventually you have to process that the friendship isn't what it once was. And instead of harping on the soured ending, it's kind of nice to know that something really special existed for so many years. I think that'd bring a smile to my face, too.

nory said...

I have some friendships that include more "do you remembers," than they do future events and plans. Some days that's really hard for me, but other days it's okay in an odd sense.

I'm glad you were able to find the good in this potentially awkward situation.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

I really hope that you DO end up having lunch with her. It sounds like you want to!

Manderz said...

Losing a friendship is always difficult. It's wonderful that you were able to share a positive memory. I hope that this is what you remember when you think of the friendship.

walkingonsunshine18 said...

Sometimes it's so hard to walk away from a friendship when the two of you share so much history, but when you know it's for the best then remembering the good times will help you get through it all... and obviously she knows that too xo

amanda said...

i love your writing! i know i've said that once, but i'm saying it again.

friendships are such a weird thing. being there are so many different kinds of friends.

memories are great to have. especially great memories. cherish them, mandy. because no matter what happens with your friendship-you always have thoe giggles to look back upon.

xoxox

the snow BETTER be away by the time you come to play with me!!

willtherebecake said...

Oh this made me so sad. So beautifully written, but so sad.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i always enjoy reading about this former best friend relationship. not in an enjoy it makes me happy way, but you get the point.

i just always like to follow how you are dealing with it/handling it, etc. cause it always helps me.

you did good this time, mandy and i think you should actually meet up with her in the spring.

Ohmygoshi said...

What a beautiful post. It gives me so much hope for maybe sharing a moment like that with a particular former friend of mine...

L.C.T. said...

Hi Mandy. Thanks for the comments - and for the story. That's exactly the sort of scenario I was talking about and it makes me smile to know you spent time with that man. Thanks for sharing :D

fuchsiag said...

Oh, I was wondering how this would be! I know how it can feel having been so close to somebody only to run into them years later when life has sent you separate ways, and it's almost like having a conversation with a stranger when you do see each other again and realise there's nothing to say. I'm glad you had this moment where you could both recognise the wonderful memories you had, and I hope this is a step in alleviating the awkward and becoming that little bit closer :)

Stephany said...

I'm going through something similar with my future SIL. We used to be great friends in high school and would talk for hours. And then things changed, I said some stuff I shouldn't have said, and there's been a valley between us ever since.

I want to reconnect with her and try to form some sort of bond but she's not the easiest to talk to nowadays.

This meeting seemed to go good and I hope it's a start of a new beginning in your friendship. It's tough getting back to the point you were (and sometimes impossible) when you were best friends but if you want a new relationship with her, I do think it's possible.

Rachel Elizabeth said...

I feel like to some extent this is a universal feelings. Knowing that you have someone who shares a history even if you don't know how to talk anymore can be really comforting.

RebeccaC said...

Just enjoy the memories and let go of the guilt and confusion. This is the nature of life. Over the years, I've lost touch with several "best friends". Never with a falling out, just a casual drifting. In fact, I ran into my very-first best friend from childhood last Christmas and we'd grown so far apart we really didn't have anything to say except "hi", "glad you're well" and "good seeing you." But it was still enough. I still love thinking about afternoons playing in her attic as kids. Just enjoy that blessing for what it is...and cherish your current friends in this moment too. : )