Passions and Dreams

As 2009 is waning, I've been thinking about the past year and decade. For me, 2009 had the potential to be a not so fantastic time for one reason or another, but quite honestly, I didn't let it. While there were some internal struggles, 2009 was the year I learned to LIVE despite everything -- to keep moving forward, that its ok to put myself first sometimes, that the most important thing  is to simply be present in the moment.

Last week, Kay sent me a Christmas card in which she had written a very simple yet profound message that I want to define both 2010 and the next decade. In fact, its my wish for every single one of you reading this:

"Let's make 2010 the year we both embrace our passions and follow our dreams."

I hope we can all follow our hearts, start living for ourselves, and work to make our passions and dreams a reality.  Have a very Happy New Year and may 2010 be the best yet.

Sometimes I

Sometimes I just need to spend some time cleaning the "stuff" from  my life-- both literally and figuratively. Over the past three days I've filled garbage bag upon garbage bag with things that for some reason I felt the need to hang on to. While I am far from a hoarder, I do have trouble of letting go sometimes.

Sometimes I need  to spend face to face time with friends/mentors over glasses of wine contemplating what happens next both in my own life and theirs; trying to figure out how to use the mistakes of the past to learn and grow.

Sometimes I have mixed emotions over my best friends Christmas engagement. While I am happy for her because this is something she's wanted for a long time, I wonder if shes more in love with the idea of being married than she is with the reality of being married.

Sometimes I get a card in the mail with a simple messgae that hits incredibly close to home instantly reminding me of the work I need to do in the new year to get to where I want to be at the end of the upcoming year, even if I'm not quite sure where that is at the  moment.

Sometimes I have incredible ideas of what I want to post but am afraid its not going to come out as eloquently as it seems to be in my head, which usually results in a post a lot like this one.

Sometimes I reflect over the past year/decade amazed at how far I've come, other times I'm saddened by how little things have changed, vowing to make 2010 a year that counts. I have this feeling that 2010 is going to be a big year for a lot of us.

Sometimes I have a conversation with a friend where I find myself confiding things I never expected too, then having that same conversation end with the realization that even though I've never met that friend face to face she really is one of my closest and dearest friends.

Sometimes I need to sort of step away from blogging for a few days to do some soul searching, think about the direction I want this blog to go, and what I want this little space on the internet to say about me. Shes long overdue for an overhaul, hopefully that will be taken care of in the next few weeks with a new layout and most likely a new name to match the domain.

Sometimes I realize how incredibly lucky I am to be part of an amazing blogging community full of people willing to offer kind words, late night talks, positive thoughts, and more than anything a place to let me be myself.

Your turn, fill in the blank. Sometimes I ________________________________.

A Bit Of A Request

As some of you may know, I had a close family friend who earlier this year lost a leg to cancer. Within two months of his surgery, he was diagnosed with multiple myleoma, a cancer for which there is no cure. When someone you love faces this diagnosis, its never easy and when I read this, I knew I needed to repost it. Please take a few minutes to read and send positive thoughts/prayers.

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My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Peace

I've found peace and quiet sitting in a dark room gazing into the lights of my Christmas tree while holiday songs play quietly in the background and while sitting around a table surrounded by family and friends, the sort of peace that settles into my heart causing me to sigh contentedly knowing I have everything I need and so much more.

I've felt inner peace as I've thought about some of the decisions I've made this past year, knowing that while not everyone approved, they were the decisions that were the absolute best for me at that moment in time.

I've made peace with some situations that are beyond my control, knowing that letting go while still putting one foot in front of the other is a victory in its own way, it brings a serenity that heals my broken spirit in numerous ways making me feel whole again.

I am at peace with myself when I realize its perfectly ok that I didn't accomplish everything I've set out to do, that sometimes life gets in the way and happens faster than any one of us can even realize.




Peace is my wish for you this holiday season. "May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!" ~Author Unknown

Ghosts of Christmas Past

This is a repost of something I wrote last year. While trying to adequately sum up my feelings about my childhood Christmas memories, I realized that I can't say it any better than I already have. Around this time of year, with Christmas Eve right around the corner, I'm always reminded of gathering at my great grandma's house which always made the holiday so special.


Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~Carol Nelson

Christmas for me has always been about togetherness, being with the family and friends who mean the most to you. The time of year when it seems people are nicer to each other. Differences are put aside and there's just a certain feeling in the air.

This time of year is also when I get a little homesick for past Christmases. Its more than just missing how things used to be, the feeling is more like little twinges of longing, a slight ache of the heart, a sadness for those who aren't with us any more. The happiness is still there, the anticipation of what the beautifully wrapped presents underneath the meticulously decorated tree contain and the aromas from the kitchen that waft into the living room gently reminding us of the feast that awaits.

As a child, one of the events I most looked forward to was Christmas Eve at my great grandmothers house. It was the one time of the year my entire family would be gathered together. My great grandma, my great aunt and great uncle, their family, our whole family, the cousins I typically didnt get to see. It was the one day out of the year everyone stopped their busy lives, slowed down, and took time to just be. Something we don't do very much anymore.

Growing up I often heard my mom tell stories about gathering at that same house, waiting for her uncle who lived out of state to get home. They weren't allowed to open presents until everyone was there. One year he was on his way home from either Buffalo or Detroit, there was a horrendous snow storm. Everyone waited and waited, the children grew antsy and the adults finally gave in letting the Christmas Eve rituals commence giving up hope that their brother and uncle would make it. Just as everyone was getting ready to leave, the door opened blowing in snow and the beloved uncle bearing presents in the 11th hour. I think its one of my mom's fondest memories. There is a Hallmark commercial with a similar 60 second plot line that makes my mom cry every year from the same homesickness feeling.

While I don't have any Christmas Eve memories like that where one stands out over the other, they were all equally wonderful in my memory. From the small white glossy ceramic tree with twinkling multi-colored lights that sat in the corner on the table top, to the fake plastic fruit in the Fenton Hobnail milk glass bowls, to the candles that were never burned in the matching candlesticks, to the sounds of everyone laughing and talking drifting from room to room. Together they all make up some of the best memories of my childhood.

I would sit on the floor with my back against the ancient record player that was a piece of furniture as much as it was a music player. Presents would be handed out and opened, always from youngest to oldest, with my great grandma going last. Wrapping paper would be crumpled into a ball and tossed from one person to the next, ribboned bows stuck on some unsuspecting relatives head. Gifts would be oohhed and aaahed over. My great grandma was always thrilled with whatever she received and as you might imagine, it was just what she wanted. After the last gift was opened, everyone would mill about talking, perhaps drifting into the kitchen to make a sandwich from the ham that had just been pulled from the oven or munching on a cookie someone had brought. Newly gifted games would be played. Adults would reminisce, we great grandchildren would chase each other around being shushed from time to time. After a few hours gifts would be put into cars, children bundled up tired and ready for Santa to visit, goodbyes said. Year after year it was always the same, constant, and I loved it.

As my great grandma became older, Christmas Eve became more and more important. I wanted to hold on to that tradition for as long as I could not wanting it to change, not wanting to admit that each year had the potential to be the final time. Even the year she had been sick, in and out of the hospital we still had Christmas Eve-she wasn't able to make the food or the cookies, or even buy and wrap the presents, but it didn't matter --we were there all together just as always. That year was the last Christmas Eve at her house. She passed away a year or so later.

Now just the immediate family--the aunts, uncles, and cousins all go to our grandparents house on Christmas Eve. We open presents, laugh and talk. There is always way too much food. We play new games and now my little cousins are the ones who anticipate Santa's midnight visit. I always look forward to the festivities but at the same time am homesick and nostalgic for the past. I am sad that the younger ones can't remember Christmas Eve's at our great grandmas.

While I usually don't go any other time, sometime around the holidays I go to the cemetery where my great grandma is buried. I feel like I need to go see her; to tell her Merry Christmas and that I haven't forgotten those special Christmas Eve memories.

This picture was taken my very first Christmas Eve at my great grandma's back in 1980.

Enjoying the Scenery

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour. ~Author Unknown

I like to think that I'm the type of person who is generally a happy soul, one who even in the dark times can find some reason to smile and find a little slice of happiness. Even on days that have been trying there is always something that will bring me a true genuine feeling of complete and utter bliss. Two wonderful bloggers, Lisa and Katie, passed on the Happy 1o1 which is all about focusing on what makes us happy. Because I'm happy its Friday, I've deemed it entirely appropriate to list a few of life's moments that bring me pure happiness.

1. Being greeted by my dog every single time I walk in the door, even if I've just stepped outside to go to the mailbox. The ritual of walking in the door is followed by excessive tail wagging, an adorable cry only a dog owner can love, and a full on body wiggle -- all on the part of my dog. Its nice to be met with such excitement.

2. Taking the first few sips of a steamy chocolate raspberry chai, especially if it means a trip to the coffee house with a friend.

3. Unexpected phone calls, text messages, or actual handwritten letters from my friends because it means I've crossed their minds, even if its a message as simple as "have a great day."

4. Those last few moments before I drift off to sleep where I try to clear my mind, count my blessings, and say a silent prayer of thanks.

5. Randomly coming across a small gift that immediately reminds me of a friend, so I can pick it up and send it to them, especially for no reason at all.

6. Tasting a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie that is only slightly cooled and not quite baked all the way through that literally melts in my mouth.

7. Waking up only to realize that I can roll over and go back to sleep for another hour or so.

8. Thoughtful blog comments and reading blog posts that are so beautifully written they literally take my breath away.

9. Going to one of my favorite spots on a hill to just breathe in the fresh air, the sights and sounds of nature, and completely letting everything go.

10. When I stop thinking so hard and simply acknowledge the endless possibilities that lie before me. It helps me realize that I should quit trying so hard to figure out the details of the journey and just enjoy the scenery along the way.

Frankly My Dear (Part Two)

These are the remaining questions, answers, and anecdotes about how my Gone With The Wind collection came to be. You can read the first part here.

What was the first piece in your collection? In Christmas of 1991, my mom bought me a Madame Alexander doll that was Scarlett wearing her white lace barbecue dress with green sash, stray hat, and parasol. I would admire it every time we went to the big toy store in town. They had a big display of various Madame Alexander dolls on the first floor, kept locked in a display cabinet. The Scarlett and Rhett dolls were the only Gone With the Wind characters the store had, the rest were Wizard of OZ, the Little Woman characters and I think Alice in Wonderland. In reality the doll doesn’t look a whole lot like Scarlett O’Hara, but to my 11 year old self I am sure the resemblance couldn’t have been any greater.

What do you look for when you want to add to the collection? Do you look at age, quality, specific artists, year produced, material used? Most of the items in my collection come from family members and friends as gifts. There are only a few things that I’ve actually bought myself. When I do buy something myself I prefer to buy the entire series, for example one of the plate collections I have is called “The Critics Choice Series.” They are all plates by the same artist depicting the 12 most poignant moments of the film (according to them). I also purchased the entire collection of World View dolls at once as opposed to buying each doll individually because of the their age (they were manufactured in the 80’s, and certain dolls are hard to come by). Of course I’m always on the lookout for retired or unique items but no, I don’t look for specific artists, years, or anything like that.



Would you consider this as an investment, or is it more a sentimental collection? If sentimental why? Of course its an investment but my collection is mostly sentimental. For the most part, I can tell you who gave me which piece and when I received them. Just about everything I have is on display -- the plates, the music boxes, the dolls, the few pieces of jewelry, etc. The exception to that are three cast member photographs signed by the original actors who played those parts which are kept tucked between acid free paper in special folders under lock and key. The Mattel doll series are in their original boxes but my other dolls are not. When I bought them, they came from a private collection, some of them were in their opened boxes (which weren’t in very good shape) and some were not. In order to easily display them, I made the decision to get rid of the boxes and just set them on doll stands.

I have the original packaging and certificates of authenticity for just about every piece in my collection which does increase their value. That said, I have no plans to sell or dismantle my collection in any way. I would love to pass my collection on to a family member when I am an old woman or if something should happen to me before that, I would prefer the collection be donated rather than being sold. I don’t collect these pieces for their monetary value. I collect them simply because I enjoy them; Gone With the Wind has been a major part of my life. The thought of them being split up and sold saddens me.

When a big group of plates or dolls is added to my collection either by myself or another family member I’ve gotten letters from the original owners, usually daughters or granddaughters selling their deceased mother or grandmothers collectibles stating how happy they are that the pieces are going to someone who will cherish them as much as their loved one did. Its almost as if I’ve been entrusted with someone else’s heirlooms. I could never sell them.

What would you say is the 'holy grail' of all things related to 'Gone With the Wind'? I think for every collector this is different. There are so many different kinds of Gone With the Wind collectibles on the market – dolls, music boxes, snow globes, movie posters, plates, throws, etc. My collection is pretty eclectic and with the exception of the dolls and plates, its just whatever I fancy at the moment or what’s given to me. There really isn’t one piece that I feel I “just have to have.” There were some pieces that as a young teenager I wanted, but slowly over time did in fact add those to my collection but they were more for sentimental reasons.

What I consider to be “holy grail” of my collection is a first edition printing of the Gone With the Wind novel. It was given to me by my former college French professor and mentor, Sister Mary Byron. One day while visiting her at the convent, another sister walked past and admired my purse (it was a Gone with the Wind one). That led to a discussion about the book and the movie. After our talk as I was getting up to leave, Sister Mary requested I follow her. We went into the basement of the convent where each of the sisters had a little area to store some things. Sister Mary pulled out a gray box and handed it to me. Before I opened it to find out what was enclosed she told me it had belonged to her mother, an avid fan of the movie and Clark Gable. Her mother had actually attended the premiere of the movie in Atlanta with some of her girlfriends and was able to see some of the films stars walk the red carpet.

The book is in near perfect condition (its just a simple gray hardback with the title in navy print) and contained copied newspaper clippings of the movie premiere. There was also a story about some of the grammatical mistakes that are in the first two editions of the book. (They really are there, I checked!) I stood there and cried as Sister May told me that while she enjoyed the movie, she had kept the book with her all these years because it had belonged to her mother and asked me to keep it “to remember her by.” I’m never sure if she meant herself or her mother, but I suspect a little bit of both.

Just a few months later Sister Mary passed away. That book is one of the most treasured items I own (again for sentimental reasons) and definitely the crowning jewel of my collection. (Its not on display either nor have I ever read that edition. I actually keep it in the box it was in when Sister Mary gave it to me with the newspaper clippings and a picture of Sister Mary.)

Frankly, My Dear (Part One)

(I'm splitting this into two posts because its quite massive)

Or alternatively title, The One Where I Admit I Am A Huge Nerd.

While sitting in front of a blank screen trying to put together thoughts to write a cohesive, thoughtful blog post I was distracting myself with Twitter. Scrolling through the many tweets of my friends I stumbled upon this tweet in which Ashley declares she's never seen Gone With the Wind which literally made me choke on my drink, I mean really? The move has been around for 70 years, today! A few minutes later when Kyla admitted to never seeing the movie, my heart broke a little.

You see, Gone With the Wind, is kind of a big deal for me. Not only is it my favorite movie of all time its also my collection. Yes, you read that right. I am a collector of all things Gone With the Wind. So much so, my friend and fellow blogger Jen wrote a paper about it a few months ago for one of her graduate classes. The following are her questions (hopefully she doesn't mind my posting them) and my answers, I know its longer than most of my posts but hey, like the movie (its four hours) its worth it. Hopefully it will encourage more of you to watch this great movie classic (or watch it again)!

What or Who first introduced you to 'Gone With The Wind'? Honestly, I don’t recall my first encounter with Gone With The Wind (neither does my mother, I checked with her). I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love the movie. My mom tells me that I would sit through the whole movie and recite lines along with the characters as a very young child (like 5/6). I’m not sure if I saw it in passing or heard it in-utero (perhaps my mother should have played French tapes?) but its definitely been a life long love. Neither my mom nor anyone else in my family is really as enamored with the movie as I am, so chances are very likely I caught it in passing and it was one of the few things that really held my interest (still does).

Can you describe your feelings when you first saw the movie, and were those feelings the reason why you decided to collect anything related to the movie? I don’t remember my first viewing of the movie, but I would imagine they were very similar to the feelings I have every time I watch the movie. From the first stanza of the overture, I become completely swept up in the dialogue, the characters, the costuming, the music, and the scenery. I literally lose myself in the movie and want to be Scarlett O’Hara. I still feel anxious at certain parts of the movie and cry at a few other places. Every. Single. Time.

I am sure my love of the movie (and the fact that I loved to dramatically recite the “As God is My Witness” monologue) played a huge part in my acquiring my collection. I am a complete romantic (but don’t let that get out) at heart. The movie is a very much more romanticized version of the Old South than the novel and most of the collectibles available reflect that. One of my favorite things about most of my collection are the various dresses the women are dressed in from my plates, to dolls, to music boxes. Most of the artists who design the collectibles are able to perfectly capture the emotions behind each moment they are depicting.

The biggest part of my Gone With The Wind Collection are my plates. I have over 40 of them. As a girl my mom would take me to this little shop nestled between two big department stores called Little Portion Treasures (sadly its no longer in business). It was the sort of store that my mom constantly reminded me to “not touch” anything out of fear I would break it. They had Franklin Mint dolls, San Francisco Music Box Company collectibles in just about everything you could imagine, and a huge Roman angel collection display. My favorite part of the store was the plate displays upstairs. You had to have an employee (usually a tiny, wrinkled old woman who was the absolute sweetest) escort you the narrow steps. Any decorative plate you could ever want was on the walls – The Wizard of OZ, Native American pictures, angels, cats, clowns, Norman Rockwell pictures, etc. They had maybe a dozen or two Gone With the Wind plates that I would have probably stared at all day if my mom had let me. They were set in round oak frames all clustered together. I just knew that one day I wanted to have plate display like that. (And now I do, three of them but not in round oak frames.)





Have you looked into or done research pertaining to the writer of the novel? Have you read the novel? The first time I read Gone With the Wind was for a 6th grade book report. My teacher actually didn’t believe that I had read the entire novel and set up a conference with my mom. I’ve read it numerous times since then. I have read a little bit about Margaret Mitchell but not extensively.

Do you enjoy the Civil War aspect of the book/movie, or is it more just the enjoyment of the story and it could be set really at any time and any place? As a history major, of course the Civil War aspect is majorly appealing. In my opinion the war itself is almost like another character in the book/movie. So much of the actual story is based around the war. I’m not sure that the story could be set at any place or time because so many of the characters decisions and actions are a direct effect of the war. I don’t know that the character would be who they develop into if it wasn’t based during that time period. I suppose some of the characters lives could run parallel: girl meets guy, struggles against odds and through hardships, loses just about everything, pines for best friends husband, then finally marries guy, etc but the story as a whole wouldn’t be the same. The name of the novel/book itself is, as the opening credits of the movie describes, a story about a “civilization gone with the wind.” The story (at least for me) isn’t just about the characters though, its about a way of life coming to an end and the learning to move forward to make a new life from that.

Enough For Now

Almost a year ago, I went through a friendship breakup that left me with many questions and little closure. Without explanation or cause our twenty-six year friendship ended. I was deeply affected in ways that at the time I couldn't discuss. I was hurt, upset, and somewhat broken. This was someone I trusted with my secrets, saw me at my worst, and someone who had navigated many of life's difficult moments with me. Someone I stood beside while she recited her wedding vows and whose hand I held when the judge declared her marriage over. We shared childhood memories of vacations, teenage crushes, and college life fears. We were best friends. With the exception of her grandfather's funeral in April, I haven't seen or spoken to her.

While the phone calls and emails stopped, for some reason I couldn't bring myself to delete her from my Facebook friends, it just seemed too permanent -- too final. I guess I wanted some window into her life, even if she didn't want me in hers.

I noticed recently that she had uploaded new pictures. There were albums of snapshots filled with her smiling, laughing, and venturing new places with new friends. She looked happy, a big change from the past few years of our friendship. Because our families are close, I know she is back in school pursuing something she's always wanted to study. I know she has separated herself from everyone, even much of her family. I know that like myself, they don't have any answers either.

Without thinking I sent her a message. There was no "I miss you" or blame placed, there was no asking what happened a year ago. Instead there were just a few short sentences saying that I hoped she was as genuinely happy as she appeared in the pictures and that life was going well for her. I sent it off without expecting anything in return.

A few days ago, I logged on to Facebook to find a simple sentence in reply. Her message simply stated, "I finally am."

Over the past year there have been many times I pulled up her name in my cellphone but never hit dial. There were numerous emails started but never finished. There have been countless moments I fervently wished she was still someone I could reach out too for whatever reason. There are times I miss her sense of humor and cynicism. There are times I still become angry when I think about the demise of our friendship. Even with all the hurt feelings and unanswered questions, my wish for her has always been happiness.

While its not any sort of closure on our friendship, I feel better knowing that she's finally found the peace and serenity that she searched for so desperately but never quite found. I feel better knowing that she's back to fully living her life instead of shutting herself off in her own dark world. I'm happy that she's finally chasing her dreams and making them a reality.

Simply knowing that she is finally genuinely happy is enough for now.

Was That The Weekend?

This weekend was an excellent mix of fun events I absolutely did not need to do and a few tasks that I positively had to complete. The two days contained the first unexpected snow fall of the season, a trip to Amish country, lots of family time, copious amounts of wine, entirely way too much food, a trip to see Santa, baking a sinfully delicious cake, surviving dinner with my grandmother, and finally relaxing. As per usual after a weekend my mind is scattered about here and there, so lets do a list shall we?

* My mom and stepdad have birthdays that fall one after another. To celebrate we decided to make the hour trek to Amish Country to dine at one of our favorite restaurants. If you've ever had Amish home cooking you completely understand the need to drive an hour for absolutely delicious food and out-of-this-world baked goods. If you've never had the opportunity to visit an Amish establishment, I feel sorry for you. You have no idea what you're missing. Food just tastes better in Amish Country.

* When we awoke Saturday morning, the roads and yards were blanketed with freshly fallen snow that the weather forecasters had assured us was going to stay to our South. In the spirit of adventure, we set out for Amish Country anyway. After passing two different cars who had slid off the road into the ditch we commented that people need to slow down when navigating unplowed roads. When we passed a jack-knifed tractor trailer we briefly considered turning around. The decision was made to keep going after witnessing a bad accident in the opposite direction involving a three or four car plow up with the realization if we turned around we would only get stuck in traffic. Thankfully the sun came out, the snow melted, and the rest of the trip was uneventful.

* After returning home from a day of shopping and eating, I baked (because you know the cookies, muffins, and pies we brought back from Amish Country weren't enough). My mom had requested a 7 Kinds of Chocolate Cake for her birthday. Can I just tell you that this cake is probably the most decadent, rich and easiest cake I have ever made. Eating a little sliver of it is more than enough to satisfy even the sweetest sweet tooth. Cutting it up and sending it home with various people was quite possibly the best decision of the weekend.

* I then spent the rest of the evening with close family friends, who I am incredibly thankful for. They are my mom's best friends who have been in my life since my early childhood. Together our families have seen one another through divorces, marriages, disappointments, celebrations, and life altering cancer diagnosis's. We spent a few hours just talking and laughing.

* I spent Sunday morning gathering supplies to create some theme baskets for a bridal shower my family is throwing for my cousin's fiance next weekend. The baskets will be given as prizes for games. I love shopping for things little things like that and have used the idea of a theme basket as presents for friends as well. I decided upon a cake "basket" (which is really a 9x13 pan) filled with a variety of cake mixes, canned frostings, and a dessert cookbook. The second basket is a coffee and tea one filled with a nice assortment of flavored teas and coffees, snowman mugs, and some holiday candy.

* A family dinner with my grandparents occurred in the late afternoon. I may or may not have escaped the time between dinner and dessert (you know, the one that would have been completely awkward where I would have been required to make painful small talk with my grandma) by taking my dog to get her picture taken with Santa at a local pet store. I am totally one of those people who treats my dog like a child, complete with obligatory pictures with seasonal holiday characters like Santa and the Easter Bunny.



So tell me, how was your weekend? Did you do anything fun?

Oh, and you wanted the recipe for the 7 Kinds of Chocolate Cake? Sure thing. Unfortunately I forgot to snap a picture of it before it was ravenously devoured, but trust me. Go. Bake. You can thank me later.

7 Kinds of Chocolate Cake
1 Package Betty Crocker Super Moist butter recipe Chocolate cake mix
1/2 cup Chocolate Milk
1 Package (4-serving size) chocolate instant pudding
1 Bag (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips
1/3 cup butter melted
3 eggs
1 container (16 ounces) sour cream
Chocolate Frosting
Chocolate candy bar (for grating chocolate on top)
serve with Chocolate Ice Cream (I completely skipped this step because its incredibly too rich and decadent on its own)

1. Heat oven to 350, grease bundt cake pan with cooking spray
2. Mix cake mix, chocolate milk, butter, eggs, sour cream and pudding mix (dry) in large bowl with spoon until well blended (batter will be very thick). Stir in chocolate chips. Spoon batter into pan.
3. Bake 55 minutes or until top springs back when toughed lightly in center. Cool in pan 15 min. Turn pan upside down onto cake plate. Cool completely, then apply frosting. I melt frosting in microwave, then drizzle over the cake. Then grate chocolate over the frosting.

Identity Crisis

A few weeks ago I won a blog makeover courtesy of the wonderful Kay, whose blog is full of incredible design ideas and do it yourself projects. To say I am excited for some changes around the blog, is an understatement. I am really looking forward to having things look a bit more polished and organized, something I'm continually striving to do but always falling a bit short.

So, that leads me to a question. Do I remain Just A Small Town Girl or do I finally make the leap to Knowing The Difference?

Just A Small Town Girl came about when I first started blogging because, well, its what I am. Contrary to popular belief, the name doesn't come from the Journey song, but rather the song "Small Town" by John Mellencamp. Just a Small Town Girl is who I am and what I'll always be, even if I should one day make the move from my beloved small town to a big city. Small town girl is attached to both my email and twitter names. Its cohesive, constant, and comforting. Being from a small town is a big part of my identity both online and in real life.



Shortly after the new year last year, I purchased the domain name, knowingthedifference.com which is where you come to read this blog. Knowing the Difference is taken from the serenity prayer which is very important to me. I chose those words because the last line "...and the wisdom to know the difference" is absolutely beautiful. Knowing the difference is something I struggle with on a daily basis -- knowing what I can change and what I cannot change, knowing what I should do and what I shouldn't do, knowing what is best for me and what is best for someone else, knowing when to keep going and when I should stop. I really think that its a life long process. Knowing the difference is something we all have to figure out for ourselves as we all go about our journeys.

So I guess I am having a bit of an identity crisis and am torn between my two identities. Do I remain Just A Small Town Girl or do I fully embrace my domain name to become Knowing The Difference? Can I mesh the two and be Just A Small Town Girl Trying to Know the Difference (which seems incredibly too long)? If I do change do I need to change my email and twitter to make everything more cohesive? Thoughts?

In the meantime, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

Its December?

I'm having a hard time believing that today is the first day of December. How did that happen? It was just a few months ago I was winding down the summer of me, a few weeks ago that I was planning a Halloween bonfire with friends. Now I'm writing this post while basking in the soft glow of lights coming from the Christmas tree and intertwined with garland on the banister, listening to instrumental Christmas music playing softly in the background. It's December.

As I flipped the calendar I took inventory of this last month of 2009--handwritten reminders scrawled across blocks of days reminding me of the holiday break (like I could forget that), birthdays noted with red ink, certain days circled with friends names and times in purple ink, random post-its stuck haphazardly to the very edge with notes only I can decipher. There are work holiday luncheons, friend gatherings, birthday celebrations. Cookies need to be baked, cards have to be addressed (Which reminds me, do I have your address? If not you should probably email it to me.), wrapping to be done (perhaps shopping should be finished first). A bridal shower that has many elements that need to come together and of course the simple act of simply breathing to take every moment in.

Normally, both the sight of the calendar and just knowing all the things that need to be done would find me wanting to dive into bed and hide under the covers or at the very least reaching for a bottle (or two) of wine (or beer). But its December! Christmas is right around the corner, holiday movies are on tv, Bing Crosby is crooning on the radio -- how can I be anything but peaceful and content.

I know the next several days and these last few weeks will fly by. I know that I won't get everything completed that I've hoped to accomplish. I am sure there will be a batch or two of cookies burnt. I'm sure there will be moments I'm completely overwhelmed and frustrated. There will be times I look back over the past several months at what I did or didn't do causing me to be a bit wistful or nostalgic. But its December and the most wonderful time of the year (at least that's what Andy Williams told me).