Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Also, don't forget to enter my Starbucks Giveaway. You have until Monday at 8 to enter. Five names will be randomly chosen, right now your odds are 50/50. Go comment. Anything.

Kay from Apartment #412 is having a blog design giveaway, go check it out.

Lauren From Texas is having a fabulous giveaway too!

Somehow I'll Just Know

Over the weekend I was shopping in Pittsburgh with a friend. As we were strolling through the mall, Starbucks in hand, I told her about a piece of jewelry I’ve been hoping to find. We casually wandered in and out of a few stores, finding things that could have been what I was looking for but something about each of them just wasn’t quite right for various reasons. They would have been a perfectly acceptable substitute but they weren’t what I had my heart set on. “Don’t worry,” my friend assured me “you might not know exactly what it is you want, but when you find it, you’ll just know.”

She always has this way of telling me what I need to hear and in this instance her words can be applied to my life in more than one way; one more complex than just finding the right piece of jewelry.

I feel like I’m searching for something, that I’m blindly following my heart toward some unknown that I can’t even properly describe. Sometimes it feels like I’m standing in complete and total darkness in front of a door fumbling around for the right key, one among many, that fits just so into a lock that will cause the door to swing open toward some new place I’ve never been or seen before. Right now, as frustrating as it may be, it seems all I can do is peer through the keyhole.

via

While I do have an idea of what I think I’m searching for, I’m not exactly sure. I just know that there’s a longing deep inside of me that needs something new, something different. It’s a yearning that can’t be satisfied, that won’t be quelled until I find it.

Searching like this has taken me on a daunting journey through many peaks and valleys, through many emotions, and shaken me to my very core. It has stripped away things I thought I knew, things I could be certain in and replaced them with doubts causing me to question. Question myself. Question my convictions. Question what it is I truly want. And now after what feels like months, I’m still not sure I have the answers or am any closer to truly being able to answer them.

I do know that what I am seeking has to be something I am able to give my whole heart too--something that makes me feel connected, that makes my heart burst with happiness, and ultimately brings me peace.

In the meantime I have to keep believing and follow my heart. I won't accept a substitute. I know I have to continue having hope and faith that when I do finally stumble upon whatever it is I’m looking for, finally find that key that opens the door, that it will just feel right. That somehow, as my friend suggested, I’ll just know.

A Reminder

Sometimes I need to remember what it is I'm working toward on this journey. What it is I want out of my life. I wrote this and posted it here on my blog several months ago, but tonight I need a reminder....

I want to always surround myself with bright colors and beautiful things. I want to live life out loud, flamboyantly, and without explaining myself to anyone. I want every time I see the ocean to feel like the first time, so vast and immense, unending. I want to only see the good in people and not be hurt because of it. I want to stand alone in a field of wild flowers and be one with nature. I want to stand above the city overlooking the cityscape and take in all the life going on below me.

I want to feel the warm sunshine on my skin every single day. I want to always follow my bliss. If I have to cry, I want it to be from laughing too hard not from sadness. I want to play with the wild abandon of a child. I want to make a difference. When I have to make a big decision, I want to make it without hesitation or second guessing. I want to know what it feels like to be truly free. I want to act without thinking, leap without ever looking.

I want to always appreciate my friends. I want life to have background music. I want to fall completely and totally in love just like in the movies. I want to believe that the good guy always wins and that good will always trump evil. I want to live without being confined by time restraints, I always want to have the time for people and events I enjoy. I want to remember the exact emotions and feelings behind each photograph I have or take.

I want to find something I am passionate about and make it my career. I want to love going to work everyday. I want to help someone without thinking twice about it. I want to seize the day, every day. I want to never go to bed angry, at anyone. I want to find complete joy in the simple things in life, like blowing bubbles. I want to always feel the wind in my hair when driving. I want to dance every chance I get, with or without music.

I want to always see the positive even when the situation itself isn't. I want to explore new ideas without being judged. I want to be perfectly content. I want to be grateful for every single blessing I have. I want to always know the right words to say, at the right time someone needs to hear them. I want to be the very best friend I can be. I want to be true to myself. I always want to stand up for those who aren't able to stand up for themselves. I want to never fit in, instead I want to always be different from anyone else, standing out amongst the crowd.

I want to be completely at peace with myself. I want to believe in something greater than all of us.

You'd Never Guess

Its Friday. We are all eagerly anticipating the weekend and needing something light and fun to read. Right? So today, inspired by a tweet from a friend, I’m sharing four things you may not have guessed about me.

1. I enjoy target, skeet, and trap shooting. While I do well at all three, trap shooting is by far my favorite. There is something completely satisfying about obliterating an orange clay disc so it shatters just perfectly into a puff of smoke. I’ve been taking part in the sport for about four years now.

2. I have a slight obsession with Frank Lloyd Wright, particularly his organic architecture. I became hooked after a trip to Falling Water and would happily listen to someone discuss his designs for hours. I also really enjoy architecture as a whole. If I had any sort of brain for that I might have considered it for a career.

3. I don’t really plan on having any children of my own; but if I did, I think I would give serious thought to homeschooling them. Homeschooling allows for greater flexibility and freedom, can be tailored to a child’s individual needs/personality traits, and involves much more hands on learning as opposed to learning from a textbook. I am the product of a public school education system that I enjoyed but could have been much more. This could be a whole post entirely by itself.

4. I have climbed (as in a very narrow, straight up staircase seemingly suspended in midair with pigeons swooping mere inches from my head) to the uppermost part of the US Capitol, standing directly below the bronze Lady Freedom statue a top the Capitol Dome. The sights are breathtakingly beautiful and provide a vantage point of DC unlike any other. If you ever have the opportunity take a Capitol Dome tour, DO IT! Even if you are, like me, not too keen on heights.

What is something people may not guess about you?

To Have My Senses Put In Order

Lately I feel like I've had this inability to focus on much of anything. Normally my thoughts are a jumbled chaotic hodgepodge of various things but the past few weeks I've felt that my life and everything surrounding it is in a state of disarray. I'm not sure if its the cold, rainy, wintry like weather, the fact that I'm hoping for a new adventure to come my way, weekends that have been jam packed of fun and friends or a combination of the three. I've found myself running very short on patience, drive, and tolerance for others. I've just sort of felt like things were closing in around me.

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. ~John Burroughs

I've spent the past two afternoons at a local park, alone with my dog and my thoughts. I closed my eyes against the sun feeling the warmth penetrate my skin and pour into my soul. I kicked up dried leaves, laughing as my dog ran through attempting to snatch them out of the air before they could gently float back to the ground. I sat on a blanket of fallen pine needles just drinking in the sight of brilliant golds, reds, and oranges set off against an azure sky and verdant hillsides.



I felt the chilled air blow around me and at times, it seemed, straight through me. I gazed into the distant rolling hills astounded by their simple yet staggering beauty that I all too often overlook.



I spent several hours just being; getting lost in the beauty surrounding me and away from the daily issues of life. I focused only on the very moment I was in. I deeply inhaled the crisp fall air into my lungs, then exhaled away the stuffiness and negativity that had over the past few weeks settled into my being.



Every once in a while I need to abruptly halt everything that is going on in my life and take a couple of hours or a few days to quietly step away from the rest of the world.

Sometimes I need room to breathe.

I need open spaces to clear my head.

I need my soul soothed and spirit healed.

I need to have my senses put in order.



All photos by me.

Starbucks Doubleshot Energy+Coffee Giveaway

Have you ever driven to work and not quite remembered how you got there? While sitting at your desk, do you ever find yourself starting to nod off after a late night out with friends or find yourself reading the same sentence on a webpage three times but still not comprehending it? Do you think the hour between three and four is the longest and that five o’clock will never come? Let’s face it, we’ve all been there and sometimes just need an extra shot of energy to get us through our day. The Starbucks Doubleshot® Energy+Coffee drink is the perfect blend of vitamins, protein and minerals with a charge of coffee to keep you energized all day.

As part of their promotion for one of their newest drinks, the great folks at Starbucks are going to provide five lucky readers with an opportunity to get that extra shot of energy.

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This promotion is solely sponsored by Just A Small Town Girl and has not been endorsed or approved by North American Coffee Partnership. By entering, you agree to look solely to Just A Small Town Girl for any claims in connection therewith, and not the North American Coffee Partnership”

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Subject to Contest guidelines. Open to U.S. residents only. Contest ends November 2 at 8 pm EST. Void where prohibited.

Going It Alone

“Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your won presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement.” ~ Alice Koller

At my core, the very center of my being I am a loner. I prefer to spend the majority of my free time alone. Spending time lost in my thoughts while idly petting my dog, daydreaming while staring out the window at the currently red and golden hillsides, writing either on this blog or in one of my many journals, reading whatever novel I happen to pick up off the bookself – all of these are among my favorite ways to spend time. I’ve never been one to have multitudes of friends or scores of people I could call up on a whim whenever I felt like going out at a moments notice. My friend circle is very small and I prefer it that way. While I do enjoy going out and having a weekend full of debauchery, shopping, and gallivanting around I also like to balance that out with a weekend spent regrouping--recharging my batteries so to speak.

I used to be easily aggravated to the point of tears by comments other people would say, including my own grandmother who all seemed to think that they knew what was best for me. Even now I get told by people who don’t know me very well “You need to get out more, find yourself a man!” or “You’re young you should go out and indulge in life while you still can.” It never seems to occur those people that I just want to stay in or enjoy the time to myself, that I don’t need a man to make me happy or that there are plenty of older folks out there who are calling their golden years the time of their life. I’ve been told I’m strange because I don’t have a high need to affiliate myself with others or that my behavior isn’t normal. That one day I’ll regret not getting out there more often. The truth is the moment I walk into a situation filled with noise and people I don’t know, that’s usually when the feelings of regret kick in because I know I’d be much happier home with a book or out to coffee with one of my closest friends. Other times people tell me that I'm brave or courageous for being comfortable being by myself, which I find just as odd.

Others thoughts on the sort of person I am no longer bother me as much as they used to but every once in a while they do hit a nerve. I’ve come to embrace the person I am. I am someone who is more inwardly tuned than most people, someone who is completely comfortable in silence. I’m someone who treasures and appreciates my few, loyal friends. I’m someone who is completely at peace with being me. I’m someone who knows the importance of finding a balance between social activities and alone time. I’m someone who chooses solitude, not someone who is forced into solitude. Just because I prefer my social activities to be one on one rather than a big raging party doesn’t make me a recluse as its been suggested; it just makes me, well, me.

While going it alone in a game like euchre is sometimes seen as a brave risky move, for some of us in life its not a brave risky move or an in ability to socialize but rather a much preferred choice.

Sometimes I...

Sometimes I sit down to type out my blog posts and nothing comes out. I can have a dozen ideas but in that very moment, none of those ideas want to be written.

Sometimes I feel like I'm always waiting -- waiting for the phone call that could change everything, waiting for something exciting to happen, waiting for the next big thing. I'm not very good at waiting.

Sometimes I snuggle down under my down comforter and am completely content to stay there for the majority of the evening watching the Gilmore Girls or Felicity.

Sometimes I get crazy excited about my upcoming plans, other times it exhausts me just thinking about them.

Sometimes I think baking truly is a form of therapy.

Sometimes I wish I could be completely organized, have everything put away and be neat, but thats just not me. I am messy, chaotic, and disorganized. It just works for me.

Sometimes I turn off my phone and shut off the computer to just spend the day or evening reading.

Sometimes I wrap myself in a blanket and go stand out on the deck in the cold even though it makes my nose run and my bones chilly.

Sometimes I get nostalgic for the way things used to be, back before I grew up and things got complicated.

Sometimes I feel closer to the friends I've made through this blog than the friends I've known for several years.

Sometimes I just want to spend the entire day alone, its not because I'm being anti-social, its just that I like having time to myself to think.

Sometimes I question my skills as a writer, I hit a wall and will be completely uninspired; but then a picture or a quote can change all of that.

Sometimes I just think I think too much.

Your turn, sometimes I. . . .

Looking At The Stars

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde

Thank you all for you responses on my last post. As strange as it may sound, reading your rants and complaints made me not feel so alone. When I'm in a completely negative frame of mind I tend to selfishly focus on myself -- how much my situation sucks, how some people were put on this planet for the sole purpose of annoying me, how life seems so easy for others. Now, I know that in the grand scheme of things none of those things are true, but sometimes I am just too overcome with negativity to acknowledge that.

The second half of my week has significantly improved. I've let go of a few nagging problems, made plans to see a wonderful friend and her adorable twin daughters this weekend, engaged in some retail therapy, and eaten some chocolate. I'm concentrating on what I can control as opposed to what I cannot control. I'm attempting to focus on one task at a time instead of three at once. I am looking forward with renewed hope and optimism. I'm looking at the stars.

Why Me Wednesday

I'm having an off week this week. Its been one of those weeks where no one major event has caused my mood to quickly spiral downward but rather many little daily ones. I've smacked the snooze button on my alarm more times than I care to admit (and I usually have no trouble owning up to the fact that I use the snooze option quite liberally). Each time I hit the alarm, I burrow down deeper under my covers making it all that much more difficult to finally extract myself only to rush around getting ready resulting in completely mismatched socks and grumbling about the fact that the world conspires against night owls.

To say that I've gotten up on the wrong side of the bed each day would be an understatement. I've been in the sort of mood that makes it entirely appropriate that I drink my morning tea out of a Grumpy (from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) mug and my ring tone from the musical Wicked sings "Loathing, unadulterated loathing, for your face, your voice, your clothing. Let's just say, I loathe it all."

While I usually don't like posting about the common, little every day annoyances that send me reeling; sometimes, I just need to. This week is one of those weeks where the fact that I have to sit through the same red light twice because a driver at the front of the line forgot that the gas was the long pedal on the right; the fact that some peoples voices make me want to gouge my eyeball out with a dull pencil; and the fact that even some conversations with my own mother end with me wanting to bang my head repeatedly off the wall. Its been the sort of week I find myself wishing I was 5 years old and could throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store because people leave their grocery carts smack dab in the middle of aisle and their annoying little kids are climbing up the shelf or picking their nose which is just downright nasty. Its been the sort of week that I just don't feel like being in a good mood.

So, today let's hear it. What are your gripes, complaints, daily annoyances that leave you burying your head in your hands while muttering "Why me?" Feel free to tell me about the annoying whistler at work, the driver who neglected to use their turn signal, the fact that the weather has been less than stellar, or that your significant other is completely incapable of changing the toilet paper roll. Get it all out now and lets hope that by airing all our grievances today, the second half of the week will be much more pleasant.

Also, please be advised that telling me "cheer up buttercup" will likely send me to the nearest flower bed to dramatically stomp on what remaining summer flowers are left while I complain about how no one understands me much like an angsty teenager.

What has gotten on your last nerve this week?

I'm the Kind of Woman

I'm the kind of woman who is prefers flip flops to high heels, and can't really walk all that well in the heels I do own.

I'm the kind of woman who doesn't want kids of my own, but would do literally anything for one of my friends' children.

I'm the kind of woman who believes in the "live and let live" philosophy, what works for me doesn't work for everyone else nor should it.

I'm the kind of woman who makes cookies just to eat a scoop or two of the raw dough but could care less about the cookies once they are baked.

I'm the kind of woman who really enjoys classic literature but can't stand to read anything by William Shakespeare.

I'm the kind of woman who writes letters and cards to friends then carries them around for days always forgetting to put stamps on them.

I'm the kind of woman who doesn't believe in black and white, Billy Joel had it right with the Shades of Grey lyrics.

I'm the kind of woman who prefers going to a wide open field in the country to have a bonfire with friends rather than go to a crowded bar in the city.

I'm the kind of woman who thinks that most problems can be solved over a hot cup of coffee with a great friend.

I'm the kind of woman who thinks rainy days are meant for naps, reading, dog cuddles, and watching the Gilmore Girls on DVD, not necessarily in that order.

I'm the kind of woman who is quiet until I get to really know someone, then I will talk their ear off.

I'm the kind of woman who can listen to friends problems but has trouble admitting my own.

I'm the kind of woman who prefers being single to being in a relationship because I like having a lot of "me" time.

I'm the kind of woman who loves my long hair but more often than not has it up in a ponytail, it gets in the way when I wear it down.

I'm the kind of woman who opts to have a few extremely close friendships rater than a huge circle of acquaintances, most of those friendships are life time friendships.

I'm the kind of woman who makes list after list on post-it notes then promptly loses them and can't remember a single thing on the list.

I'm the kind of woman who has a love/hate relationship with my small town, I love the area but hate that as the years go on the opportunities diminish.

I'm the kind of woman who has no problem admitting my deepest feelings on this blog but usually don't want to discuss them with people face to face.

I'm the kind of woman who doesn't have concrete life plans, but rather chooses to just go with the flow seeing where the journey leads me.

(Inspired by this.)