One Of Those Weekends

This weekend was one of those weekends that was filled with wonderful friends and so much activity I was left completely exhausted. It was one of those weekends that made me incredibly thankful to have such great people in my life.

There was a concert that involved tailgating both before and after the show. An opening act (Darius Rucker) that was just as exciting and fun as the main show (Rascal Flatts). The heavy morning rain ceased, allowing my friends and I to fully enjoy the show as the sun set and night settled in. There was singing at the top of our lungs, dancing in the dark to both old and new melodies, and perhaps a few tears to the song “My Wish For You.” There was bonding in the parking lot with the people parked around us for a few hours after the show while waiting for the lot to empty. We swapped tales, funny stories, and memories of other concerts. After we left the venue there was breakfast at 1am just because we felt like it.

This weekend there was also a wonderful visit with friend from college and her sister that I hadn’t seen in over five years despite just living an hour apart. We caught up on life post-college, marriage, jobs, other friends, and hopes for the future over brunch and mimosas. We laughed over shared college memories. Four hours passed quickly before we even realized it. We meandered around a charming, historic part of a nearby city as we had done on lazy Saturdays while we were in college. We parted late in the afternoon with promises to not let another 5 years or even 5 months go by before our next visit.

The beautiful, somewhat fall like weather led to an impromptu evening of pizza and beer on the deck with various friends who just seemed to show up. There was card playing, music that was probably a little too loud for the neighbors liking, and lots of laughter. There was also a shopping trip with a friend that had us wandering through rows and rows of brightly hued fabric, perusing various wooden handles for a new bag, and trying to pretending like we understood how to read a pattern. There was also a heart to heart with the family friend who inspired the “Summer of Me” that left me experiencing a multitude of emotions.

It was just one of those weekends that made me realize how truly lucky I am.

It was one of those weekends that made me appreciate how amazing this summer has been.

Snapshots of Summer

The other night I was looking through some of the pictures I have from this summer. Each one a single brief moment captured in time--friends mid-laugh, wet from dancing in the rain, singing along to a song, the perfect way the sun was reflecting off the water. Each and every picture with a meaning or story behind it. In the pictures I'm smiling and laughing. I can't help but do the same as I glance through them now recalling all the fun times. Memories of trips to the lake, frolicking around Pittsburgh, visiting with friends I haven't seen in a while, outdoor concerts, spectacular sunsets. These snapshots are etched into both my memory and my heart as part of a special summer that has been in so many ways beyond fantastic. While I don't have the words just quite yet to sum up what this summer has meant to me, for now I have these photographs and the warm memories they evoke as another season begins to fade slowly into the next.

(Note: Click through to see slideshow.)

Not Quite Ready

Time has this way of speeding up when I want it to slow down. The past few weeks have gone by incredibly fast and now its happening. There is a shift in the air -- its cooler, especially in the evenings. I'm hearing talk of apple and pumpkin festivals, October fests, and high school football. Big yellow school buses have slowly started making their appearance on my morning commute. I've even seen a few leaves already starting to turn.

I have to admit, I'm not quite ready to let go of summer just yet.

Not quite ready to let go of spending long evenings at the coffee shop laughing with my friend until the sky turns dark.

Not quite ready to let go of heading to a local park to take in the music/fountain show then looking for different star constellations when everything is still and quiet.

Not quite ready to let go evenings by the waterfront just hanging out listening to live music or just watching the river pass by.

Not quite ready to give up summer evenings on the deck or sitting by the pond with my mom listening to all the night sounds.

Not quite ready for outdoor concerts to be moved inside, because the evenings are starting get chilly.

I'm just not quite ready.

Dog/House Sitting

Otherwise known as scaring the shit out of myself.

A few days ago, a friend asked me if I would house/dog sit for her while she went on a last minute trip to DC with her husband and kids. Because I adore her dog, Sophie, of course I said yes. I am always happy to help out and its always a fun change. Whats not to like about having a whole house to yourself, playing with a cute (yet, slightly hyper) dog and as an added bonus its just a few blocks from where I work (which means I am totally sleeping in a few more minutes in the mornings). Sounds great right?

Well its all fantastic, except for one little problem. I am kinda sorta scared. Yes, thats right. I'm scared. The house I am house sitting is an old beautiful three story, a far cry from the ranch style home I grew up (and still live) in. It simply lovely, comfy, and inviting--in the daylight. At night it takes on a whole different persona. The house creeks and groans both around me and above me. The fact that its raining and thundering out doesn't help. And can we just take a minute to talk about all the nooks and crannies in this house? There are a lot of places that someone could hide, just waiting for me to turn out the lights before they jump out and make their move.

It didn't help that I just watched a scary movie.

I'm sleeping with the lights on.

Don't judge me.

Things I Want Them To Know

I have four young people in my life who in the next week or so will be starting either high school or middle school. Some of them are scared and will admit it, others are scared and won’t. Some of them have shared little bits and pieces of their life with me, asking my advice or opinion. There is so much I want to tell them, so much I want them to remember these next few years. (Most of this letter was taken from this, which I wrote several months ago.)

Dear Soon-to-be Middle/High-Schooler,

I know you may be scared and nervous about starting this school year; I just want you to know that’s entirely ok. The next few years are going to be amazing ones for you. You’ll figure out who you are, what you love to do and that its ok to be different from everyone else. I wish I could protect each and every one of you from the unknown, the truth is I can’t, no one can. There are some things that you just have to figure out in your own unique way. There are some things though that I can share that may make the journey easier.

ALWAYS be true to yourself. Along the way there are going to be some people who think that they know what’s best for you. What you have to figure out is what YOU think is best for you. Right now you have so many avenues and opportunities open to you. Read, dream, and explore them all. You will discover so many things about yourself and your beliefs when you learn for yourself instead of just believing what other people tell you. Always question. Never stop questioning. Is only through that process do you find the right answers. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Fight for what you believe in. Never cave to the demands of others. Sometimes you may stand alone, but that’s ok; knowing that you did what you believe to be right is better than having people respect you for something you don’t believe in. Trust your heart, it’s a good one.

You’re going to make a lot of mistakes and bad decisions along the way. I could tell you not to do them, but we both know you’re hard headed and stubborn enough that you would do them anyway. That’s ok, in fact as you get older that stubbornness will serve you well. Its what teaches you some of the best lessons you could ever learn. Instead of getting frustrated with those mistakes and bad decisions -- embrace them. Learn from them. Own them. Don’t let them defeat you. They’re just a learning experience that’s all. They won’t define you unless you let them. You have to make those mistakes and bad decisions to get to where you’re going and trust me; it’s a great place to be.

Don’t be in such a hurry to be an adult. Time will take care of that sooner than you can even know. Sure fancy phones and gadgets are fun, but someday you may find yourself as a late-20 something trying to recapture these exact moments in your life. Stop rolling your eyes! I’m serious; just trust me on this one ok? Turn off your cell phone, stop texting and go play kick the can in the alley, have a slumber party with your friends, or toss the football around in the backyard. Just enjoy being a kid sometimes now while you still can.

The most important thing I can tell you is that its all going to be ok. These next several years are going to throw you all over the place – that’s just how life is. There will be people and situations that break your heart. There will be days you don’t want to get out of bed. There will be times that you are on top of the world and feel like you can conquer anything. There will be times that you are going to be scared out of your mind. . Hang in there when things get tough, celebrate when things are right. Life is perfectly imperfect. Those times when you think your life is over, its not. While the end result of whatever situation you are experiencing may not be what you want, I promise you in the end, you’re always going to be ok.

Enjoy the next several years. I know you can’t comprehend it now, but they are going to go by faster than you think. Take too many pictures, stay out too late, push the boundaries. Take the less travelled road. Be in the moment. Go with your gut. Don’t be deterred by people’s thoughts and opinions. Its ok to cry, but its better to laugh, do both at the same time. Fall hard but always get back up. Smile, be polite but don’t let people take advantage of you. Be afraid but don’t let fear stop you. Be aware of all the beauty around you. Always, always remember that things will be ok.

Love,
Mandy

P.S. Go easy on your parents, they’re going to make some mistakes just like you.

Do you have any young people in your life starting a new chapter? What would you tell them?

Braver, Stronger, Smarter

This past week I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and have taken some steps to correct the feeling of discontent I’ve been having. The serenity prayer has become my mantra of the moment, silently slipping in and out of my thoughts as I have been on the verge of tears, having a weak moment, or summoning the courage to go about making some changes.

Earlier today I came across this quote and pondered for a moment how true it is. I actually printed it out to tape onto my computer monitor and stick in the car so I can be reminded of it often. I also take comfort in the fact that it’s from one of my favorite childhood series, Winnie the Pooh and its sort of gives me the feeling of snuggling under my favorite childhood blanket; which apparently I still need even if only in my thoughts.

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Christopher Robin to Pooh, A. A. Milne

It has always been very easy for me to encourage other people to strive to be their best. I am one of the first to tell people that they CAN change their life and reach their goals, whatever they may be. Believing and seeing the best in other people is always something that has come naturally to me. I’m the friend that people come to when they need help figuring things out or an uplifting word; the one who tells them that regardless of what happens it will all work out in the end. It’s just my nature.

Sadly, its something that has always been much harder to do for myself. I am my own worst critic and battle some inner dialogues that aren’t always so encouraging. I’ve spent much of this past week working on changing that. You’ve helped me do that. I’ve taken some of the comments from the last post--tucking them away into my journal, a jewelry box, the side of my mirror, my desk drawer—to remind myself that I don’t have to figure this all out on my own, that I have a wonderful cheering section, amazing friends who encourage me along the way, a reminder that I am not alone in my feelings.

I’m forging ahead with the plans, lists, and advice for making the changes necessary for me to regain that little part of myself I’ve somehow lost. I am looking into opportunities that seem ridiculously absurd, yet somehow seem to make perfect sense all at the same time. This weekend I am heading down into the mountains to visit a friend from college. I am hoping the visit, the drive, and the stunning beauty of the scenery gives me a peace of mind and a clarity that I’ve been lacking for awhile.

Today though… I’m telling myself that I am braver, stronger, and smarter than I think. I really do hope you will tell yourself the same.

Discontent

Its no shock to anyone that lately I’ve had a discontent in my heart for sometime, a restless longing for something different – a new place, a new adventure, a new enthusiasm for life.

While the “Summer of Me” has helped ease that feeling, it hasn’t completely removed the dissatisfaction that I feel in certain aspects of my life. A large part of my battle is internal. The feeling of what I know I need to do brings up a fear that I have never really conquered; a fear of the unknown, a fear of failure, a fear of inadequacy. I’ve never been fearless and I greatly admire those who are. I’ve never been one to embrace change, typically I resist it with all that I am kicking and screaming the whole way only at the end to stand up and say “That was it? Well that wasn’t so hard.” Afterwards I go about life in my usual manner acting like the change wasn’t such a big deal after all (and usually it isn’t).

This time of change that I am feeling has stretched me more than I thought possible and its only the beginning. I get goosebumps, butterflies, and a nervous nauseated feeling all at once just thinking of the possibilities, the unknown, the future as a whole. I am scared. My heart soars when I think of what could be. I’ve cried frustrated tears. I’ve been told that I’m crazy – that I should just learn to be content. That single statement infuriated me. I deserve better than that. I can’t settle any more. I’ve looked in the mirror telling myself I know what I need to do, that I am the only way who can change things in my life. I need to believe that with every fiber in my being. I need to start being my own biggest cheerleader. I need to wrestle my fear and end up on top holding my fist high claiming victory. I need to fight for the life I want, the one I know I deserve. I need to get back into the drivers seat, take complete control of the wheel instead of just being a passenger.

I need to do something about this discontent.

Being Aware

I know posting has been light this week and I am ok with that. I have a lot to say, but just haven't quite found the right words yet. I've been feeling incredibly introspective and emotional this week for a multitude of reasons. It was one of those weeks at work this week, so I treated myself to the day off to simply relax and just breathe. I have every intention of spending the weekend (and next few weeks) being completely aware.




I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Fruits and Veggies Make It Healthy Right?

I had taken a little bit of a baking hiatus the past month or so, opting instead to spend my evening outside soaking up the sun, visiting various old haunts with friends, or reading outside on the deck. The rainy weather has provided me the perfect opportunity to pull out the Kitchenaid to bake some wonderful familiar recipes and try a few new ones.

One of my favorite things to bake is a chocolate chip peanut butter banana bread. It has all of my favorite ingredients. The peanut butter/brown sugar topping and chocolate chip center are to die for. It also comes together quickly which is always a big bonus in my book. This recipe makes two loaves so its quite convenient to make when having dinner or lunch with different friends. Since I've been tapping into my inner domestic diva, I really enjoy sharing baked goods with others especially those who knew me prior to my days of knowing Rebecca whose blog helped me give up microwaving cooking. I also have some neighbors who aren't able to get out and about as easily as they used to, so taking them some of this bread still a little warm to share over a cup of coffee is a delightful way to spend the evening.



Because zucchini has also been plentiful this summer and I was looking for something different, last night I tackled Kylie's recipe for Chocolate Zucchini Cake. Yes, I know these are completely delectable and not really low fat, but as long as there's a fruit or veggie in it its gotta be a little bit healthy right? Ok maybe not, so just find some friends to share the end result with. Its well worth it, I promise. (As always, please forgive the poor photography).

Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Banana Bread
Topping:
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

Batter:
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 pkg (8 oz) cream cheese, softened
1 and 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 and 1/4 cups all purpose flower
1 and 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 and 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

In a small bowl, stir the flour, brown sugar, peanut butter, and cinnamon until crumbly, set aside.

In a large bowl, cream the butter, cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in bananas and vanilla. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon; stir into creamed mixture just until moistened.

Divide half the batter between two greased 8x4 loaf pans; sprinkle with half the topping. Top with chocolate chips. Repeat layers of batter and topping.

Bake at 350 degrees for 45-55 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire rack.

Sometimes I...

Sometimes I am incredibly disappointed by people who I don't expect to disappoint me; but then something happens and my faith is restored in them.

Sometimes I spend time with members of my extended family and think that we're really not so different after all, I might even go so far as to say I really enjoyed spending time with them.

Sometimes I lose an entire day of my life to watching The Gilmore Girls on DVD and I don't feel guilty about it for one second.

Sometimes I find blog posts that are waiting to be finished and I never know if I'll finish them, some are incredibly personal, others not so much.

Sometimes I think that a few glasses of wine and talking on the phone to a blog friend makes for a very fun evening.

Sometimes I look back over my life and wonder how I got to this point.

Sometimes I have lunch with one of my best friends from college and I am overwhelmed with happiness for her and how her life has worked out.

Sometimes I hold a baby and think that maybe they aren't so bad after all, in fact I may have wanted to take my friends baby home with me (as long as someone else would change the diapers).

Sometimes I call my blog friends before I call my in real life friends, actually even though I've never met some of them, my blog friends are my real life friends because lets fact it this is real life.

Sometimes I write long sentences that are in no way shape or form grammatically correct and the English major in me doesn't even care.

Sometimes I get incredibly behind on my Google reader but instead of reading, I shut off the computer and head to bed.

Sometimes I am completely amazed at how fast time is going, I am no where near ready for summer to be over.

Your turn, fill in the blank.....

Sometimes I _______________________.