Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Sometimes I

Sometimes I just need to spend some time cleaning the "stuff" from  my life-- both literally and figuratively. Over the past three days I've filled garbage bag upon garbage bag with things that for some reason I felt the need to hang on to. While I am far from a hoarder, I do have trouble of letting go sometimes.

Sometimes I need  to spend face to face time with friends/mentors over glasses of wine contemplating what happens next both in my own life and theirs; trying to figure out how to use the mistakes of the past to learn and grow.

Sometimes I have mixed emotions over my best friends Christmas engagement. While I am happy for her because this is something she's wanted for a long time, I wonder if shes more in love with the idea of being married than she is with the reality of being married.

Sometimes I get a card in the mail with a simple messgae that hits incredibly close to home instantly reminding me of the work I need to do in the new year to get to where I want to be at the end of the upcoming year, even if I'm not quite sure where that is at the  moment.

Sometimes I have incredible ideas of what I want to post but am afraid its not going to come out as eloquently as it seems to be in my head, which usually results in a post a lot like this one.

Sometimes I reflect over the past year/decade amazed at how far I've come, other times I'm saddened by how little things have changed, vowing to make 2010 a year that counts. I have this feeling that 2010 is going to be a big year for a lot of us.

Sometimes I have a conversation with a friend where I find myself confiding things I never expected too, then having that same conversation end with the realization that even though I've never met that friend face to face she really is one of my closest and dearest friends.

Sometimes I need to sort of step away from blogging for a few days to do some soul searching, think about the direction I want this blog to go, and what I want this little space on the internet to say about me. Shes long overdue for an overhaul, hopefully that will be taken care of in the next few weeks with a new layout and most likely a new name to match the domain.

Sometimes I realize how incredibly lucky I am to be part of an amazing blogging community full of people willing to offer kind words, late night talks, positive thoughts, and more than anything a place to let me be myself.

Your turn, fill in the blank. Sometimes I ________________________________.


Chelsea Talks Smack said...

this was beautiful. sometimes I wonder if I'll ever fulfill my dreams.....just one. not all, but just one....sometimes i think i may not even do that.

Andy said...

:) Loved this end-of-the-year version :)

Sometimes I... wonder where next year will take me, and if it'll live up to my expectations.

Anonymous said...

these are always so perfect! sometimes i find myself doing the exact same things!! happy 2010 Mandy!! it will be a year/decade to remember!!!

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

For a long time, I questioned other people's relationships, wondering how the heck they made them work when there's no way that same situation would work for me. It took me a long time to realize that my definition of "love" doesn't always apply to others and vice versa. One of the tough things about being an adult is accepting our friends' interpretations of things, even when they differ from our own.

Anonymous said...

sometimes I wonder if I will ever live up to my truest potential?

i realllly enjoyed this post :)

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I... just need a night to myself - no boyfriend, no friends, no family... just me and my bed and my thoughts.

Loved this post!!! :)

Anonymous said...

We're pretty lucky to be a part of your little blogging world too! :) xo

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I wish that we lived closer, like five minutes apart, so that I could hug you and we could chat for hours over cups of tea and fresh baked cookies.

Sometimes I ignore my blog, twitter, the 20SB community so that I can refocus on myself, my life and my blog as well.

You're a wonderful, beautiful person!

Kay* said...

i know i've said this before but i love your 'sometimes i posts' - perhaps because they usually hit so close to home for me.

sometimes i____wonder how i will ever be able to open a guesthouse in Egypt. that is an ultimate dream.

sometimes i_____worry a lot about the future.

sometimes i_____am so energized and pumped for the future i can barely contain myself.

here's to 2010 ;) and making it the year we both know it can be!

Bayjb said...

Sometimes I worry more than I act.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I made a different decision years ago
Sometimes I need to take a step back and enjoy the view :)

Happy New year!

Auburn Kat said...

Glad to see that you tackled getting rid of stuff! It's a great feeling when it's accomplished=)

Sometimes I wish I could wear my pj's to work!

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I love it when you do these posts. Well, I love all your posts, but these are so great to read.

Sometimes I wonder how I am ever going to meet a guy that doesn't act like he's moved to the Bermuda Triangle after going on a few dates with me.

Sometimes I wonder what it will take for me to feel successful.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get better about not feeling guilty when turning down social invitations and things of that nature.

Erin said...

Sometimes I pick my nose. Wait. This is not that kind of post. Let's try that again...

Sometimes I spend too much time worrying about what might not be.

Sometimes I'm smiling but I'm really crying inside.

Sometimes I wonder if I did something to cause this.

Kyla Roma said...

This is so beautiful- great wrap up! I've been taking the past couple weeks to do some soul searching and it's amazing.

Do it! =)

Rebecca Foster said...

I haven't been reading you blog for very long, but I find your posts to be very eloquent. I really enjoy the things you write, inspiring as well as familiar. A great combination.

Getting rid of things physically is a way I clear my mind, too. I am not a Buddhist full time, but I love the tenet that learning to live without 'things' sets you free. I try to apply that to the anger, resentment, and hard feelings I carry around with me, too. It's no better than carrying a little sack of garbage with me everywhere I go.

Happy New Year! Looking forward to the redesign!

Lauren @ Sassy Molassy said...

Sometimes I don't believe I'll ever find a job/career I'm truly passionate for or good at.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I save a person's post in Google Reader, intending to comment or use it for inspiration on my own blog, and then a whole month goes by and I realize I'm a huge slacker.

Sometimes (most of the time) I'm in agreement with Sassy Molassy -- thinking I'll never find that "perfect" career.

Sometimes I wish "Beam me up, Scotty!" really worked so I could hang out with fabulous bloggers any time I want.