Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Enough For Now

27 comments:

nory said...

That was very brave of you to put yourself out there and send that message to her. It's hard when we are so close to people for so long and are suddenly closed off from them for whatever reason but like you, I am glad when I know that these people are happy and have found inner peace in whatever form that comes.

amanda said...

i am happy you went through with finally sending her that facebook message. {ps, why aren't we facebook friends?}

there are so many times in life when people want to do something but back out in fear as to what will happen. or just because they feel it isn't necessary. missed opportunities are the worst. and everyone is guilty of them. however, you took the plunge and sent her a few words...and now you know. and that's a pretty sweet feeling.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I agree with Nora - very brave of you to send that fb message.

It's so difficult when friendships end, especially one with that much history. I have had friendships end but none with that much history. It is a loss akin to a death. Sounds melodramatic, but it's the truth.

quarter-life lady. said...

An ended friendship is extremely sad. I'm glad you messaged her and she was able to tell you she's happy now. And for you to be genuinely happy that she's finally happy. That is, indeed, what it means to be a good friend.

Ashley said...

I debated whether to say this or not, but reading that, I found myself angry that anyone would do that to you.

I'm glad you've found peace with this. Wanting the best for another person says a lot about your character. We had this motivation speaker come to my high school several times, and he said that was the very definition of love.

Amy said...

Reading this post, as well as the original, regarding friendship breakup reduced me to tears. I've had several of my own friendships disintegrate this year, and wow, it's so much harder than a boyfriend. It's like an entire chapter of life is just...gone. And it sucks. I hope that one day, I can find that those people are happy. I think you're brave to put yourself out there---but I'm glad you found what you were looking for.
---
Amy --- Just A Titch

michellewoo said...

You are so strong. Even though things might never be the same, she still knows she's in your heart and I'm sure you are in hers.

willtherebecake said...

This post made me happy and sad all at the same time. I went through something similar and while I hope she's happy with the choices she made, I'm still sad that I'm not a part of it...even if the demise of our friendship happened more than four years ago.

Elle Bee... said...

This is a beautiful post darling. xo

Pam said...

I love this post - you are so honest and open with your writing. Ending a friendship is much harder to deal with than ending relationships. I am certain she will find her way back to you.

Kay* said...

wow very brave of you and what a well-written post.

the same thing happened to me in 07. my best male friend in the world just suddenly got 'weird.' though i know what it had to do with (he was newly married...)it was still hard. we did EVERYTHING together. spoke several times a day. he knows things about me no one else does and i of him. and suddenly it was over.

there was contact once last year on his part. he apologized and said he'd never had a friend like me and never will again. but i didn't know how to respond...i did...but our time had passed.

this summer i saw a photo of his newborn baby on fb and my heart kinda broke. i was always certain we'd be there to meet each others children and all of lifes other grand moments but i guess not.

it's hard. sometimes there really are no answers. but you just have to cherish what you did have and move forward.

PrincessB said...

I read this post and felt like it could be me and my friend from college. She was there for absolutely everything with me. I got divorced as well, and moved and started over. I'm not sure why I have pushed my family away as well, but it's something to do with the failure of the marriage and the difficulty in navigating life again with that new identity.
You're amazing to contact her and put it out there.

Little Fish said...

First of all, YOU ARE AWESOME and it's great that you contacted her!

Second of all, I totally get where you're coming from. I wish nothing but happiness for (almost) everyone who is no longer in my life.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

mandy this post just brought tears to my eyes.

ive been there, i understand first hand what you went through and her as well. and to know have after all this time a response from her how ever short it is saying that she finally is well is good.

hug.

SM said...

I accidentally happened upon your blog. must be fate because I have a similar situation.
Hang in there, you'll find someone new to trust and be friends with. It took me a long time but I got over it (didn't forget but got over it).
xo

Bayjb said...

I'm glad you guys had that exchange. It took a lot of strength for you to send her that note and I'm glad you got a response that gave you some peace. Personally, I would have deleted the number but holding out hope that it'll work out or be resolved somehow with her down the road is great too.

Carissa said...

wow. what an amazing and moving post. even though I have never gone through a friendship breakup like that, your words still hit home to me. lately I feel that me and my best friend of 16 years have been drifting apart. I don't think we'll just stop being friends but I will admit, the thought of that happening has crossed my mind when we go so so long without connecting. I don't know what I'd do with myself.

interestingly, my best friend and another one of my friends did have a "breakup" (over a guy and other things) after more than 10 years of being best friends. now I feel a bit strange if I mention one to the other! perhaps it is seeing their friendship completely dissolve is what puts a bit of fear into me.

anyway, thanks for sharing. and I'm glad that even if there are no answers for why you and your friend are no more, at least you have found some tiny piece of closure-- for now.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

For some people, healing involves letting go of the past. Usually, that means letting go of the bad parts of your past. The bad relationships. Bad jobs. Bad homes, etc. Unfortunately, sometimes that means leaving some of the good bits behind, too. Maybe there are too many bad memories associated from that time in their life. Maybe they don't know how to separate the good from the bad. Whatever the case, it seems like you got clumped together with the bad stuff that your friend needed to shed in order to move forward. I'm not sure how I'd feel if I were in your shoes (definitely hurt and lacking some form of closure), but I find it courageous of you to truly, deeply find comfort in her happiness. Even when it doesn't involve you.

gemdot said...

that was a great thing for you to do. power to you girl!

ps. i'm blogging again! come play!

walkingonsunshine18 said...

I think just sending that message to her (and I'm sure it was hard) shows what a good friend you are... it also tells your friend that even though you aren't as close as you once were, you are still there for her if she needs you and that's all that matters!

Auburn Kat said...

I really hate when friendships come to an end like they do for some reason...

Kyla Roma said...

I love getting to that place! It's so hard, but it's so worthwhile. Sometimes letting go a little really can do a lot of healing for you- and not expecting or needing anything back is always key in that process for me.

I'm happy for you miss, that sounds like a bit of holiday spirit to me =)

Amanda said...

It's good that you seem to be at peace with knowing that your former friend is happy, even if it doesn't include you in her life. It is difficult transitioning through any major relationship change whether it be romantic or friendship. Sending her that message was very brave and I think you should be proud of yourself for letting her know how you felt and seeing what happened.

Katie said...

I teared up a little. I hope you get closure in time, but for now I'm glad you are feeling better. There's nothing worse than agonizing over a friend.

Katie said...

hey mandy! hope all is well & that you're staying warm!

i am going through a "friend breakup" as well, and the worst part is that we are both pretty ambivalent about it. pretty sad when that person used to be your BFF & roommate. however, i realized after reading your post that if we're both happy (we are -- me with a new job and she with a new fiance) then that's all we can really ask for. and as always, we can never predict the future.

thanks for the thoughtful post and your true insight. you're kind of like my yoda (is that creepy?!?!) :)

happy holidays!!!!

Randi said...

Amazing story. I enjoyed it so much b/c I had a similar situation happen to me. I'm glad you took the step to send that simple and short message. I'm glad you got a little bit of closure:)

eleanorstrousers said...

My best friend and I went three years without speaking and then he called me out of the blue one day. We've been inseparable ever since. I think we both had a lot of figuring ourselves out to do.

Whether your friend comes back to you or not, take comfort in the fact that she feels at peace.