Thursday, July 24, 2008

Mending Fences

A little over two years ago my best friend at the time and I had a fight. Not a small fight, no, it was a fight of epic proportions. Like a volcano whose lava had been simmering and boiling just below the surface, our tempers flared and then overflowed, erupting and destroying all the bonds of our friendship in just a few days. We said hateful things to each other, things that we didn't really mean but felt at the time. This was someone who knew my deepest, darkest secrets. Someone whom I could call when my car battery died and I knew she would come wait with me until help arrived. Someone who called me at 11pm when her boyfriends dog ate a swiffer and she didnt know what to do. Someone with whom I took a random roadtrips to even more random locations. Someone who called me when her grandfather committed suicide. We were there for each other through boyfriends who came and went, health problems, and the mundane little happenings of life.

After our fight, we didn't talk. We avoided each other and because we had the same circle of friends, it made things difficult for everyone. Our friends felt put in the middle, and they unfairly were. Whatever closeness and trust we had was gone. Shattered by the power of words. I missed her and the friendship we had, but after everything that had happened I couldnt bring myself to say I was sorry.

After a particularly hard time in my life, I ran into her. She gave me a hug and told me she was sorry about the situation. We started talking slowly. A myspace message here or there, an awkward lunch where we didnt know what to say to fill some of the silence. We weren't sure how to move forward, both of us not wanting to address the past. We have never talked about the fight, what caused it, or whose fault it was. Neither of us have said we were sorry. Its like we've just chosen to leave it in the past. Things can never go back to the way we were but we both know that. But we are mending fences and thats a huge step.

Did you ever have a huge falling out with one of your best friends, how did you fix it, or did you?


chickbug said...

yes. and it was fixed by doing exactly what you are doing. putting it in the past, slowly talking and building a foundation back again. the friendships are never the same, but they are there...and you always have glimmers of the "old days". it's better then living in anger and resentment.

MeLaNiE said...

I had a fight with one of my best friends the summer after we graduated. We both went to different colleges and we've apologized, but have never really hung out again. I saw her a few weeks ago and we talked about life, but not about what happened to our friendship.

I made the "quote frame" with scrapbook paper & just an acrylic frame. I am about to start making my cousins and I am going to take pictures this time! :)

Rachel said...

When I was younger I had a big one with my girlfriends. Luckily I had just started dating Dan so I was easily distracted. The girls were on the track team with me so after a while we just started talking again.

Now that I am older I don't deal with drama well. I got in a disagreement with a girlfriend and I just let the friendship go. I don't want to deal with pettiness and insecurity. I have so much drama going on in my life that I don't want to add to it.

This friendship was only going on for a year so it was easy to let go. Yours was years and years so I understand wanting to have it again. If you think you can go back with a true clean slate, trusting and relaxed with her, then go for it.

I'm Frank said...

Eh...I'm not too good with that. Once the sending of the hatemail and threats to destroy one another's houses are through...I just prefer to not talk to them ever again :P

Bayjb said...

Wow I'm glad you guys are slowly working back to being friends or finding a "happy medium."

I've had a few big fights with friends and somehow I end up always apologizing, even when it wasn't my fault. Sadly there are still a few rifts that haven't been mended with some people. I'm resolving to address those just so I have peace of mind that it's been addressed.