Thursday, July 17, 2008

Don't worry Mandy, no hoo-ha talk in this one!

Oh man are you guys in for a surprise today.

It is I, Rachel, from I'm a Mom in Real Life. For all of you that like the laid back, lovable style of Mandy....well......

This summer has been a busy one for my daughter, Diana, and I. With rising gas prices it has also threatened to be an expensive one. I decided that I would bike Diana to some of her camps to save money and get a nice workout too.

When I biked I felt athletic, "Green", smart. I felt like a super mom! I would notice people watching me as I biked and I assumed that they saw me in the same light. I was awesome!

After a while though I noticed that the attention was getting a little over the top. Cars were slowing down, things were being yelled, construction workers were pointing. I tried to ignore it, but finally I had to call the hubby;

"Are you home?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I need you to watch me bike."


I explained the situation and he said that he would drive out to see me. A few minutes of biking later Dan drove past. As he pulled over I could see him laughing.


"You look like a stripper biker!"


I stood up and checked out my outfit. Track pants and a tank top, what was wrong with that?

"No Rachel, it's a fine outfit....until you bend over."

Apparently when I biked my pants got LOW, revealing my tramp stamp (I'll have you know I got mine well before Wedding Crashers came out and grouped me in with spring break girls) and a touch of the ass crack. On top of that my tank top hung low when I bent over so the twins were waving hi to everyone.

Gone were pictures of me being a female Armstrong and now I saw myself biking to my next stripper pole. I panicked, grabbed the keys from Dan, jumped into the car and yelled to Dan as I squealed out of there;

"It's okay, you only have to bike her a few more miles!!!"

By the time he came home I was wearing a turtle neck with overalls, standing by the fire as I burned the outfit that betrayed me.

Dan took a look at me and shrugged.

"Aren't you going to say anything to me?"

"Honey, I've been married to YOU for 6 years now....nothing you do surprises me anymore...."

I decided that I would take that as a compliment.


villageidiot said...

AHAHAHA - this is just another reason why you are so awesome, Rachel.

Unknown said...

See, I think that should be standard biking apparel for all women.


Only the hot ones.

stoogepie said...

Awesome post.

They have stripper poles along your bike trails?!? That is just a great idea! I am sooo living in the wrong city!

Ben said...

The only thing better than this post is the label.

You should also enter the world of dance-single music videos. See Benny Benassi's Satisfaction for reference on how to be a slutty construction worker. There are variations for maids, secretaries, and more all with the same bass drum.

Rachel said...

blackdog- one day I shall request your list of reasons I am awesome

myself- hopeful I fall under the hot category

stoogiepie- originally they were stop signs, but since everyone kept blowing them they decided to add strippers to get the drivers attention....

ben- I think I would be the first stripper biker on there

jen721 said...

That is awesome. Just when you think you are doing something innocent you find out the truth. Your a bit of eye candy.

Last week, some guy was checking me out at the bank window as I leaned over to get my $ from the magic money tube. I didn't know what he was he was looking at until I looked down to see my shirt had shifted postion and my DDD was hanging out. I hope I made his day.

JenBun said...

I have a tramp stamp too! But, out here, they call 'em California license plates! ;)

And woooo wooo for lettin' the sweater kittens breathe! Sexay, sex-ay!!!

LBluca77 said...

HAHAHA that happened to me when I first got my bike, Betty. It took me forever to figure out why people I didn't know would wave at me from their car.

Sometimes I still forget to wear a long enough shirt to cover my ass, buy hey I figure maybe I will meet some hot man.

Unknown said...

Oh great...I'm tomorrow's guest blogger. How to I follow this story??? I'd been planning to post on cupcakes or something. No more!

Rachel said...

jen721- high five to accidentally making perverts' days

jenbun- California plate? classic

lbluca77- we should form a flashing biking team

rebeccac- oh thank god I wasn't after you, your food pics would have killed me!!!

Frank said...

My God, she's an embarrassment to the family.

Andy said...

Hahahaha... I've had that with ballet outfits. Very SMALL ballet outfits. Yeah, very i-can-totally-see-your-hoo-ha outfits.

Princess Pointful said...

I am suddenly reminded of the time I thought I was having a particularly noteworthy hair day... but it turns out all the looks and honks were because an extra two buttons had inadvertently unbuttoned themselves, exposing my purple bra to the world.

MeLaNiE said...

this is too funny! I have a lot to live up to on Sunday when I'm the guest blogger!!

DnWormer said...

You may have created a new genre of bike messengers, you're a trailblazer!

Rachel said...

Frank- would you expect anything less of me?

Andy- That would make Swan Lake interesting

princess- At least it was a cute bra!

melanie- I'm looking forward to your post!

mnwhr- I bet the tips are better...