Monday, April 14, 2008

Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy

(my rendition of the Real Men of Genius commercial from Budweiser)

Today I salute you Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy. You, like myself, are a procrastinator. A man who despises morning and cheery people who say "Good Morning!" in a sing song voice. You are a man who is incapable of just jumping from the bed as the sun filters through the blinds and bird song fills the air. No, you Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy are a burrower. A man who, when the first harsh shrills of your alarm clock go off, groggily reach over and beat the hell out of it so it will stop its damnable high pierced squealing. Then you burrow down deeper under the covers pretending that its not morning. The you fall back asleep because you cannot accept that fact that indeed it is truly morning and eventually you are late for work -- again. You Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy were a man before your time, you didn't just take the criticisms of those so called "Morning People" (a breed so unlike yourself) lying down (or maybe you did). You didnt just turn off the alarm clock, jump out of bed succumbing to the desires of those who accomplish more before 9am than you do before noon. No Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy, you went out and did something about it!! You, sir, invented a button!! A button that allows the rest of us night owls functioning in a morning people world to wake up slowly, in our own time. Because of you Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy, I can hit my snooze button 10 times before I finally have to emerge from the cocoon of my warm snug down comforter and face the day. You made it possible for people like me who can't just jump out of bed at those first harsh squallings of an alarm, to drift in and out of consciousness for as long as we so desire. Because of you Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy, when asked the exasperated question, "Why can't you just get out of bed!" I can proudly answer from the depths of my cozy swaddled confines "BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO!" So thank you Mr. Snooze Button Inventor Guy, you are a true man of genius!